friend with benefits situation, did i screw it up?

[amolya]

So A while ago, I'm at a music festival, and I meet this guy one evening...at the time we were FAR from sober, and we got talking, made out, and turned out we lived in the same city, so we agreed to be friends with benefits when we got back home.

Anyway, I go home, don't hear from him for a month (so at this point had moved on from the idea), until out of the blue he texts me asking if I wanted to go down south (where he lives)...Since it's a bit far for me I asked if he was around in the area halfway between, and he said he was there on certain days, so we decided to meet up then. He texted me the plan - something along the lines of "like sushi? good let's go for sushi at X, then I have a gig to go to, which I'm sure you'll enjoy. Bring a toothbrush as i can't guarantee u will get home". Anyway, so I was thinking, I want to meet this guy while sober, and hang out a little, before I commit to staying over at his and having sex. Plus I had to be up early for work the next day, so I just texted him "the gig is a maybe, as I have to be up early". He asked when/where I needed to be, but didn't say anything else of it.

 

Anyway, the day comes round, and lo and behold I start my period. And I have really bad cramps. I consider cancelling but in the end just take a couple of painkillers and soldier on. So we meet up, he buys me drinks, we go for sushi, I offer to split the bill but he insists, then we go to this gig. At the end, he's like now lets go back to mine so I can..yadda yadda. And I tell him It's the time of the month, and he goes "oh well, I guess that';s out of the question...but hey let's hang out a little more", so we did, and it was fun, then it was getting cold. Later he suggested just coming back to his anyway to chill out, but I said I hadn't brought my overnight stuff. I made it clear I would've loved to (because i was having a good time), but couldn't. So then, it was getting late, and cold, so we parted ways, before leaving he said something like "let's do this again sometime, hopefully when you're not on the rag" and off we went. Next day, I texted him thanking him for the night, but got no reply.

 

All in all, I really enjoyed the night, and am quite sure I would like him as a **** buddy. I know I wouldn't get too attached, so he is good FB material.

 

SO ANYWAY, I'd like some help deciphering the situation, because I feel like I kinda messed things up. I mean, we went out, he was clearly expecting to get laid and I let him down. Should I have told him I was on my period beforehand? Or made it clearer I wasn';t intending to commit myself to stay over at his before actually meeting. Also, talking to some other friends about this, they said it sounded like too much of a 'date', him being all gentlemanly and paying for everything. Should a f buddy situation completely avoid this?

Finally, what happens now? Wait for him to contact me (if ever) or contact him? I feel since its totally casual, we don't need to be playing those silly games that people tend to do while dating..

 

I'm just a bit lost, as this is my first ever friend with benefits situation, where I didn't know the guy as friends beforehand. Any insight/thoughts/comments would be appreciated! thanks

[mickleb]

You are already too attached as you have joined this site just to write about him.

 

Maybe one day you will be ready for a FB situation but, right now, you're not. Be single or look for a relationship that's worth this kind of analysis.

[MonsterMash]

Going there with an expectation of FWB and knowing you weren't going to have sex would have rubbed me the wrong way. Seems like he went out of his way to not treat you like a peice of meat...but when game time came up you backed out.

 

Things like this need to be discussed beforehand. So yeah...I wouldn't expect a call back.

[Balzac]

This discussion is interesting because you or both of you took sex off the options list. Not to argue whether fellatiio is sex but what guy turns that down?

There are many ways to have sex but that's another thread.

[amolya]

thats true, I wasn't expectig him to say "well that's out of the question" and it was assumed we'd simply hang out for a bit more, then so our seperate ways, until he was like "why don't you just come home anyway and we'll chill out".

 

Yes, it's silly that we'd agreed a FWB situation (even though we'd agreed when we were both very high, and I say a lot of sh*t when I'm high, so I don't know how valid one would count that 'agreement') and not had sex, but was it mostly the not going home with him, or the fact I was on my period that is the issue?