river_me_timbers Posted October 13, 2012 Posted October 13, 2012 (edited) No attraction seems to be involved, on the spouse's end but there was in the past on the "friend's" side. Like most marriages, there are issues that need to be worked on. With that said, should there be any concern that an emotional relationship/affair may evolve? There is some history between the two, but to my knowing, not anything physical, just as acquaintances. Many calls were found on the phone memory listing from said friend's number, during the spouse's work hours, and the home phone was even tampered in an attempt to delete the number. When questioned, there was some backtracking that went on and even went as far as saying it was kept a secret due to fear of spouse getting mad. Once this issue was addressed, both agreed it was best to stop the contact once and for all. Lo and behold, 1 1/2 months later, the contact resumed. The spouse did not find about it until once again, running through the phone memory looking for a specific number and coming across the "friend's." This lead the spouse to covertly look at cell phone calls only to find a call to the "friend" in the early hours of a weekend. Another question, who calls a "friend" at 8am on a weekend? I fear only one who is an emotional attachment to another person. Please let me know your objective view on this situation. Edited October 13, 2012 by river_me_timbers
TiredFamilyGuy Posted October 13, 2012 Posted October 13, 2012 First, your grammar is wierd. I cannot tell if these are characters in a book, friends, or you and your wife. I assume the latter. Communicate. Ask "Tell me all about your relationship with X, omitting nothing" Then, *after* you have heard all, say, "I was uncomfortable with that relationship. Also, you agreed to stop and did not. This makes me still more uncomfortable." If she refuses, the relationship is more important than she is letting on. If she agrees, all good. But she will have to be open and you will have to check on her until she seems trustworthy again.
standtall Posted October 13, 2012 Posted October 13, 2012 River...red flags galore. Either way...whether or not this is an EA/PA yet...your spouse is deceiving you, which in itself, is a form of cheating and betrayal. BTW, is this person of opposite gender from the spouse?
Author river_me_timbers Posted October 13, 2012 Author Posted October 13, 2012 sorry about that gang, I guess my attempt to be very discreet came off juvenile. Yes, it is a wife and the acquaintance, who with time became a "friend" is a man. This man was once married, but now divorced. I will add that we do have children, which the w takes care of as a homemaker. What really bothers me more than anything is the lying and deception. It has made me seen a side of my w that I have never seen. Scary is right. Just so you all know, I have been struggling with this issue for about two weeks now. The w has tried to be more romantic and intimate than usual, which could mean two things. Reassurance or collateral damage. I know my wife and just don't feel or think something physical is going on, but find it hard to believe an emotional relationship has not grown. From what I know, this may very well be a form of cheating, that if it does not stop, eventually could or will end as a physical or intimate relation. Thanks for your responses.
TiredFamilyGuy Posted October 14, 2012 Posted October 14, 2012 (edited) OK RiverMT, and welcome. You said it yourself - the problem is deception. This is what is called an Emotional EA on this Forum: your wife has a new friend she shares her feelings with, who validates her own feelings, who tells her nice stuff, maybe implies to her how misunderstood and ignored she is being in her marriage. Etc etc. He will be playing the lonely guy angle, like an angler. If her feelings are such as to make her want to lie to you about it, it's escalated too far already. I am guessing that deep communication with yor wife has been none too good for a long time. Does that pattern ring a bell? Also, how did his divorce happen (EAs?). Edited October 14, 2012 by TiredFamilyGuy
mass millz Posted October 18, 2012 Posted October 18, 2012 You are married and have kids with this woman!! You have every right to dial up that number you found and straight up tell this dude your onto him. An affair is in the works, call him out ASAP before you come home early one day and find his car in front of your house. As for your wife tell her the same thing! You have proven her guilty of an EA already then you let her downplay it giving her more time to continue. Being in denial makes you weak and will make you think she is genuinely telling the truth. Sex has likely happened or is going to REALLY soon. Be devious in getting the truth if you have to. Steal her phone and shoot him a text saying it's good baby can't wait for more. Do something before you end up heartbroken and wish you did more about it.
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