catlover Posted July 29, 2004 Posted July 29, 2004 Hi all! I have a quick and general question for all you guys out there who are willing to respond! Why do men, not all men, have intimacy issues? I don't understand why! I mean what is so wrong with being with a woman? Is it the closeness and falling in love that men are afraid of? I just dont get it! Please provide as much or as little insight into this problem that has been bugging me for the last 3 weeks. Thanks...
dudesomewhere Posted July 29, 2004 Posted July 29, 2004 I woke up too damn early...that said ... I don't. But now, what do you mean? For example, if I date someone I do so because I'm attracted to them and want to get to know them, therefore intimacy is welcome. Now, however, there are lots of women who have wanted to "get with" me. Not that I'm hot stuff, but that there are lots of bored women out there...lots of I just need a "boyfriend", any guy to call my bf type...etc So now, which are you talking about? It almost sounds like you're suggesting that players don't have feelings. Guys who hook up with ladies and then just leave. They set the game up so you'll always want them and always be available while they build their entourage of women. Then there are the guys who are looking for love and want initmacy. Are you talking about players? Why playah hate?
Author catlover Posted July 29, 2004 Author Posted July 29, 2004 Thanks for replying! I am talking about the type of guy that you know that there is definitely something there between you two and he brings you close when its safe and and then pushes you away when things could possibly get intimate. Type of guy that turns his feelings "hot" and "cold" in an instant, if you know what I mean! P.S. I have known this person for 3.5 years and he is not player (or at least I dont think he is) he is actually a very nice, caring and sensitive, and very deep person! And a special and meaningful person at that! Very dear to me, too!
moimeme Posted July 29, 2004 Posted July 29, 2004 Read John Grey. I think he calls it the 'rubber band' syndrome. Men get closer, panic, and pull away.
Samson Posted July 29, 2004 Posted July 29, 2004 Moimeme is partially correct (I wouldn't call "panic" the man's reaction as much as I'd call women's reactions "hyteria" ) You mention some ideas towards which Grey generally believes men and women have very different attitudes; Why do men, not all men, have intimacy issues? I don't understand why! I mean what is so wrong with being with a woman? Is it the closeness and falling in love that men are afraid of? Most hetersexual men don't mind falling in love, intimacy, closeness or being with women: To the contray, based on most posts on the LS forum, men cannot seem to get enough of any of these things from women. The BIG DIFFERENCE seems not to be the quality of closeness, etc., but the quantity: Women want A LOT MORE quantity OF TIME. This isn't to say that there are not differences in the definition of quality. Generally, women think that quality means security. Martians (Men in Grey's venacular) seem to prefer less security, and more variety as their definition of quality.
Author catlover Posted July 30, 2004 Author Posted July 30, 2004 Thanks for all the insight and perspective you all have provided. I did some internet research on the 'rubberband' syndome and I guess the "rubberband" syndrome really makes a lot of sense into my guy friends' behavior. More insight is welcome!
Dork Posted August 7, 2004 Posted August 7, 2004 It doesn't mean the guy doesn't like being close to you or likes you for that matter. That's just his way.. he probably didn't grow up in a touchy-feely environment. Consider this a non-issue cause I'm one of those guys.
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