AlexiHC Posted October 13, 2012 Posted October 13, 2012 OK So I'll summarize this as quickly as possible, I met a girl a little over 3 weeks ago at my work, we've been texting everyday since I got her number. I'm pretty sure shes into me, she'll text me goodnight and tell me she wishes I was there with her etc. Heres the problem, this girl works on average like 55+ hours a week, and has a large family with a lot of nieces and nephews so she is very busy. We were supposed to hang out last weekend, and she got caught up with work and wanted to reschedule for the following day, which I was busy on. So she came into my work and hung out a few days this week, and we made plans to hangout this weekend (tomorrow) She tells me tonight she has to babysit tonight and tomorrow, but she still wants to hang out but will probably have to bring 2 of her nephews. Is it wrong that I really don't want to hang out with her and her nephews, and just want one night of her time to myself? She told me tonight she wants to hang out no matter what tomorrow. I don't know what to make of it, should I go after somebody that is more available?
gamman Posted October 13, 2012 Posted October 13, 2012 You're having the right thoughts. No, it's not wrong that you really don't want to hang out with her and her nephews, and just want one night of her time to yourself. You've pursued, and have asked her out a few times, and unfortunately, valid reasons or not, she bailed or declined. Step back, and let her take the lead. It's her turn to pursue, and her turn to set something up -- if she's interested. Keep moving forward. If she does contact you, and wants to hang out -- just you and her -- take it from there. But, yes, keep moving forward, and look for someone who is more available. Good luck.
todreaminblue Posted October 13, 2012 Posted October 13, 2012 OK So I'll summarize this as quickly as possible, I met a girl a little over 3 weeks ago at my work, we've been texting everyday since I got her number. I'm pretty sure shes into me, she'll text me goodnight and tell me she wishes I was there with her etc. Heres the problem, this girl works on average like 55+ hours a week, and has a large family with a lot of nieces and nephews so she is very busy. We were supposed to hang out last weekend, and she got caught up with work and wanted to reschedule for the following day, which I was busy on. So she came into my work and hung out a few days this week, and we made plans to hangout this weekend (tomorrow) She tells me tonight she has to babysit tonight and tomorrow, but she still wants to hang out but will probably have to bring 2 of her nephews. Is it wrong that I really don't want to hang out with her and her nephews, and just want one night of her time to myself? She told me tonight she wants to hang out no matter what tomorrow. I don't know what to make of it, should I go after somebody that is more available? its not wrong for you to feel what you are feeling ........you need to discuss this with her.....you have only been with thsi girl fro three weeks....a dat ewith the nephews in tow might be fun.......but talk to her about spending time alone and make a definite date...otherwise ....follow your heart would be the best bet...if you arent happy and you dont like kids then dont do the date....are you wanting actual physical intimacy that's why you dont want the nephews around or is it to get to know her better in one on one conversation? maybe you should just give it a chance and open up with her about spending some one on one time>she has made attempts to be with you it seems in a more public way....its just a thought...she might not want that alone time just yet who knows...only she does.....ask her...it could be she doesnt want to breach a situation of physical intimacy as of yet......that is a guess....its only been 3 weeks...she is around you with others getting to know you involving her nephews...she does want to get to know you better for sure....maybe see how you are with kids as well..family is important to her in other words...you have to have that discussion with her to know either way what is going on and keep it neutral and non confrontational........deb
Author AlexiHC Posted October 13, 2012 Author Posted October 13, 2012 (edited) I kind of did let her pursue after last weekend, I didn't even mention us hanging out this weekend until she brought it up and asked what we're doing this weekend and sorta just assumed we were hanging out, So I told her yeah lets hang out this weekend and set up some plans. I don't really wanna be a jackass and be like yeah I don't wanna hang out with you this weekend because you're being nice and babysitting for your family but at some point doesn't a normal person have to think about themselves for once and decline babysitting when she knew she already had plans saturday night? Its almost irritating I'm sure her brother could have gotten a babysitter? How would I go about telling her I'm not gonna see her tomorrow if she has her nephews all night, without sounding like a total ******* because I do like her and wanna keep this avenue open, but I want our first time hanging out to be just us not us and her family in response to ToDreamInBlue; thanks for your words of wisdom, I don't want any physical intimacy on our first date, I want it to be a one on one kind of thing because we've never hung out alone like you've said, its always been in public. I want to see how we "click" one on one, to see if its even worth pursuing beyond a first date. Edited October 13, 2012 by AlexiHC
gamman Posted October 13, 2012 Posted October 13, 2012 Again, I agree with you're thinking, and don't think it's out of line. I usually don't recommend lying, but I think it's your best bet here. Shoot her a text tomorrow morning and tell her you woke up and feel really sick, and think it's best that you just stay in all day. Tell her you're really sorry, and just say, another time, maybe? That's it. Don't make anymore plans. Just leave it at that.
Author AlexiHC Posted October 13, 2012 Author Posted October 13, 2012 You think so? I was kinda debating on doing something like that, or say theres a family emergency or something My problem with this is, I think I would probably regret doing that, and I also don't want her to think I'm not serious about her because I bailed on hanging out with her when she has nephews with her, I'll sleep on it
gamman Posted October 13, 2012 Posted October 13, 2012 Don't use the family emergency, if you do it. Go with being sick -- it's flu season, etc. IDK. She's already bailed on you once. You also don't want her to think that you're too available, that she can keep bailing on you, or inviting you on "dates" where she's babysitting, etc. Play it cool. If she knows she can have you whenever she wants under any circumstances (basically hers and not yours at all), she's not going to want you. Set your boundaires. And plus, it's not unreasonable to want to hang out with her alone. If that's what you want, stick to it, and don't waver.
Author AlexiHC Posted October 13, 2012 Author Posted October 13, 2012 I don't want to beat a dead horse here, but I don't think she bailed in the classical sense where she was like eh I don't wanna hang out with him and made up some excuse She was texting me about how she really wanted to hang out last weekend and had nobody to blame but herself etc. She has strait up told me some of her friends have asked her if she is a lesbian because she usually doesnt pay attention to guys and I quote "no guy usually gets more than 5 minutes of my time uninterrupted" so I mean its not like shes not trying, I'm more wondering if were just at different stages in our lives at the moment where its just not gonna happen or if I'm being overly critical and demanding. I'm just confused, I genuinely like this girl, and I don't wanna get all into her etc to just be shut out or shut down but such is life I guess who knows maybe hanging out with her and her nephews will set things in motion in the right direction
gamman Posted October 13, 2012 Posted October 13, 2012 Shoot. Yeah, sorry, OP. Just reread. Misunderstood. Looking at it through the wrong direction. I'd probably just hang out with the nieces and nephews and for the next time together tell her you'd like to just hang out alone. She seems really busy. Maybe it's just not the right time for you guys to be together...
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