Feeling better but seems odd still

[suladas]

It's weird, it's been about 3 months and i've been moving forward a lot and doing a lot better. Most of the time now I don't even miss her, I think about her a bit but less and less all the time. However the last week or so it was all hate for her and I was actually really angry anytime I though of her. Like a few days ago I happened to be getting home the same time as her and had zero interest in talking to her and would of definitely told her to f**k off if she said something to me, no matter how nice it was. I've let go of quite a bit of the anger I think though. The last time I sent her a text was over a month ago, and two weeks ago when I deleted her off facebook and sent her a short message that I just didn't want to see her facebook anymore. I have absolutely no urge to contact her at all anymore. I feel almost stupid for even contacting her looking back because it gave her the impression she did nothing wrong and i'd welcome her back with open arms which is far from the case. I wanted to contact her last weekend and wish her a happy thanksgiving but it just clicked in my head why do I still care about someone who doesn't care about me? (or at least hasn't shown it) It's just stupid!

 

Now the last few nights i've been having trouble sleeping. It's weird, it's not missing her or anything. It's more not knowing how she's feeling, why she did some things that she did, sending mixed signals, etc and all that crap that i'm having a tough time just forgetting and letting go of. I'm trying to tell myself none of it matters anymore but it hasn't worked yet. I guess maybe part of it is because i'm seeing her as two people, the one who I was in the relationship with and the one who did the BU, and mostly forgetting about the one who ended it and showed clear signs that she knows how I feel and simply doesn't care.

 

It's helped being on LS a lot though. Realizing how many people are going through things so similar. I've had a ton of helpful advice from here, even if I ignored some of it and learned some lessons first hand.

 

I feel like i'm right near the end though, so close to just feeling nothing for her anymore and just not caring about her or what she does at all.

Edited October 13, 2012 by suladas

[bonespockirk]

It's weird, it's been about 3 months and i've been moving forward a lot and doing a lot better. Most of the time now I don't even miss her, I think about her a bit but less and less all the time. However the last week or so it was all hate for her and I was actually really angry anytime I though of her. Like a few days ago I happened to be getting home the same time as her and had zero interest in talking to her and would of definitely told her to f**k off if she said something to me, no matter how nice it was. I've let go of quite a bit of the anger I think though. The last time I sent her a text was over a month ago, and two weeks ago when I deleted her off facebook and sent her a short message that I just didn't want to see her facebook anymore. I have absolutely no urge to contact her at all anymore. I feel almost stupid for even contacting her looking back because it gave her the impression she did nothing wrong and i'd welcome her back with open arms which is far from the case. I wanted to contact her last weekend and wish her a happy thanksgiving but it just clicked in my head why do I still care about someone who doesn't care about me? (or at least hasn't shown it) It's just stupid!

 

Now the last few nights i've been having trouble sleeping. It's weird, it's not missing her or anything. It's more not knowing how she's feeling, why she did some things that she did, sending mixed signals, etc and all that crap that i'm having a tough time just forgetting and letting go of. I'm trying to tell myself none of it matters anymore but it hasn't worked yet. I guess maybe part of it is because i'm seeing her as two people, the one who I was in the relationship with and the one who did the BU, and mostly forgetting about the one who ended it and showed clear signs that she knows how I feel and simply doesn't care.

 

It's helped being on LS a lot though. Realizing how many people are going through things so similar. I've had a ton of helpful advice from here, even if I ignored some of it and learned some lessons first hand.

 

I feel like i'm right near the end though, so close to just feeling nothing for her anymore and just not caring about her or what she does at all.

i am in the same situation as you. when he broke up with me, he was pretty clear on a few things... that after two years he realized i am not what he wants, and that he feels bad about it, and that he is excited to see new ppl... enough of info for me to be 'understanding' towards his point of view but also enough to keep me far away from him for the rest of my life. i remind myself every single day when i wanna call him and tell him how much i love him that he is not a loved one, in fact the thought of being a loved one has made him cringe for two years.... just keep the no contact and everything will be okay.... i keep telling myself that. trust me, if our loved ones felt like we did, they would come back to us instantly, but they dont. they dont want to hurt us, but they also dont want us.... best thing to do is to let them go forever and at least keep some love perserved in our hearts. if you keep contacting her or letting her into your life, you will just feel less and less worthy and loved. trust me, no contact is the only way to go. i know how much you're hurting...

[suladas]

She is still kinda in a way in my life, and it won't change. Living next door to me, she will always be there, which at this point i'm not sure if it's good or bad, it's definitely made it harder to get over still seeing her all the time.

 

The thing that use to hang me up really bad, is because she said she broke up with me because she just didn't have the time to be in a relationship right now and just though it would be easier to be single and didn't know if there was a future there because of our differences (I honestly wasn't sure either). Although it has felt good to know that it's been 3 months and she hasn't been out with anyone else, so I guess there's a bit of solace knowing that was likely true and it wasn't just some BS. None of that even matters now, i've just accepted that all it means is that we aren't together.

 

My post might have come across different, but actually I don't even really miss her anymore. My days are pretty much back to normal, I still think about her a bit but it doesn't affect me much. It just seems to be remembering the good times we had.

 

The only thing that still kinda stumps me is why I keep thinking one day she'll contact me, or somehow we'll start talking again not necessarily a relationship but even just as good neighbors like before the relationship. Because all the indicators so far have shown she doesn't want that, who knows maybe it just needs more time to get to that point.

 

I feel for you, that's not a good situation. My relationship with her wasn't anywhere near that long and it still left me hurting so bad, can't imagine two years.

Edited October 13, 2012 by suladas