Sweeet Posted October 13, 2012 Posted October 13, 2012 I broke it off about 3weeks ago, wasnt happy in the relationship & was getting depressed. I started studying full time & working for Ex two days a week. He wanted me after my studies to continue to workwith him, which would mean not contining my studies, i said i wanted to continue my studies and said he was fine and supposrtive of that but his actions would say otherwise. Anyway i got a call from him a few days ago, had a little chat to see what we have been up too and he said he wrote me a letter. He also asked how I was coping, which I said I've been trying to focus on studies, he sounded soo Down & I asked him how he was and replied he's missing me, business going well but he"s got no one to share it with. Made me sad that I done that to him. Then when I picked up the letter yesterday I haven't stopped crying. It wasn't mean or anything was positive about the time we spent together and noted just one negative thing that he never cheated on me as there were a few past issues there...@ the end he said "I wrote this letter I guess to try & help me move on & let you know that I will think of our time together and u in general a positive light". I've got so much going on in my head now.....I was just starting to feel happy again and have had lots of positive things happen then I got this letter and I'm back to the crying stage again. I understand that's he's hurting and this is a part of his healing process but it's knocked me, have I made the right decision? How could I hurt someone so much, does that make me a bad person? am I suppose to write back? I'm always thinking about how lonely he must be there without me & I did that to him, I just feel terrible...
Blastoplast Posted October 13, 2012 Posted October 13, 2012 In the end, taking care of yourself is priority #1. Clearly you were stressed in the relationship and you couldn't fairly devote enough time to yourself and him. Of course you're both hurting right now, but that doesn't mean there's no chance of reconciliation for the future -- just DON'T WAIT OR EXPECT IT. For now continue living your life and working on your future, keep your chin up!
Author Sweeet Posted October 13, 2012 Author Posted October 13, 2012 Thanks for advice blastoplast, I tend to put others before myself & i have to remember to look after me. thank u :-)
ace5950 Posted October 13, 2012 Posted October 13, 2012 If you respond then expect another letter from him. Since you broke up with him I would assume this cycle would continue until you break it. If you felt like you had to respond make sure you put in there that you want no more contact after this. No letters, no calls, emails, texts, etc... He probably did write the letter for closure. I did the same thing. I didnt really expect my ex to write back, or even read it really but It really helped me just to write it.
River Rain Posted October 13, 2012 Posted October 13, 2012 Yeah, just ignore it. You broke it off for a reason, and that reason wasn't to hurt him. Sure, he's hurt and lonely, but guilt isn't a reason to engage in conversation with him. There's a reason people are successful with the NC rule, whether your the dumper or the dumpee, you have to remain NC. You responding won't make things better or take away your guilt and your own hurt. He needs to let go, but that's up to him. For you though, nc.
GLDheart Posted October 13, 2012 Posted October 13, 2012 IF you respond. DO NOT be ambiguous. He is hurting and will read into every minute detail looking for hope... starting with the very fact that you even responded. In any reply you would want to be very clear. Something like: "Thank you for understanding that I didn't feel right in our relationship any more. Thank you for letting me go. I really appreciate the way you will try to remember the good over the bad. I'll do the same. To spare us both pain and to avoid misunderstandings, we should stay no contact. I wish you the best. Take care." I'm not saying that is the message YOU want to send. But do you see that it very clearly cements the breakup but it does so in a positive way? In the end, he WILL go through whatever pain he goes through. Just stay away from small breadcrumby type things like "Hey, saw a movie and thought of you..." or even tiny things like "I have your old favorite shirt, and thought you might want it back...". That's the crap that will leave him confused and wondering what you really want. If your intent is to spare him pain, whatever you do, keep it clear.
thembones Posted October 13, 2012 Posted October 13, 2012 I wrote a 5-page hand written letter to my ex, 2 weeks after she left me. She would not talk to me in any way, so I wanted to let her know how I was feeling. I really just wanted to let her know all the things I was planning and thinking. I did not get a response at all and did not know if she even read it until a few weeks later. She told me she read it MANY TIMES. I was honestly shocked and figured it had been sitting in a box, sealed, maybe read in a year or so. I wrote the letter in part to hopefully get her to come back, as I was really struggling. It did give me some closure, getting everything down on paper. But it was the hardest thing I have ever wrote. He wants you back and will read into every little detail you do. If you do contact him, do not send the wrong impression or it will really be hard on him.
Author Sweeet Posted October 14, 2012 Author Posted October 14, 2012 Thank you all for your words it has given me a different outlook and also helped me be stronger so thank you xo 1
brokenheart415 Posted October 15, 2012 Posted October 15, 2012 In the end, taking care of yourself is priority #1. Clearly you were stressed in the relationship and you couldn't fairly devote enough time to yourself and him. Of course you're both hurting right now, but that doesn't mean there's no chance of reconciliation for the future -- just DON'T WAIT OR EXPECT IT. For now continue living your life and working on your future, keep your chin up! Agreed, give it time, and give each other space to think about it, a lot of space.
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