Malia25 Posted October 13, 2012 Posted October 13, 2012 Hi everyone! After many failed dating attempts and much encouragement from a friend, this past June I joined an online dating site. I was extremely hesitant about it...but I gave it an honest shot. Not even a week in, I was ready to hang up my OLD beret....until I got a message from one guy. Within that one message, I was hooked. He paid attention, he was funny (sarcastic and witty, which I adore), intelligent, family oriented, successful, and yes, cute - and so much more. We exchanged many many messages and texts, and learned so much about each other - and realized we had almost the exact upbringing and commonalities. It was crazy. I've never met anyone in my world who was so ridiculously similiar to me. There was just a natural familiarity there that made things so comfortable. Before we met, and while exchanging texts, he lost someone close to him and I was happy that I got to be there for him. He knows writing is a passion of mine, so I helped him with the eulogy/obituary - and he later told me how much it meant to him that I was there for him during an obviously difficult time for him. We eventually met and had an amazing first date (GREAT chemistry!) and went on to date some more. This lasted 2 months before he started to do the "fade" - and before I knew it, he was essentially gone. It hurt me that he would have such disregard for my feelings after I helped him through such a tough time. I was so genuinely concerned for his feelings - and it's disappointing he didn't give me the common courtesy to let me know he was no longer interested. I would've been ok with it and wish him well, no matter how broken I felt. I tried to move on with my life after that, but always thought of him and what the hell just happened. The one day, out of the blue, he posted a posted a photo of the new girl he was dating on facebook. He never uses his fb - so that was suprising. Being the curious cat that I am, I (of course lol), checked out her fb. All things considered, she was gorgeous and seemed to have a lot going for her. And so, I was happy for him. Regardless of the way he left things, I was so genuinely happy for him that he found someone. Well the next day, he deleted me as a friend. o_O This really upset me because I hadn't had any contact with him in 1.5 months and of course, I didn't comment on the new girl. He was essentially deleting me from his life and after everything we shared and had in common - that hurt me that he didnt even want me around as a friend anymore. I couldn't help but visit both their pages to see what was going on. I know, I was basically torturing myself. Upon further inspection of her page, I realized she had recently went from "married" to "single" in mid September. By late September, she had posted a status update about finding "love" again (which he "liked"). o_O But the best part is that she STILL has her wedding photo of her and ex-hubby in her profile pictures and that was uploaded recently in early August!! I can't believe him. Why would she still willingly keep her weddng photo up if she is happy with someone else (and why would HE be ok with that?!). It pisses me off because clearly, they are moving fast - and that is something I felt pushed him away from me. I thought I was falling too hard, too fast - but I realize now that HE was the problem all along and not me. If he wants to play the rebound role, then good for him. I honestly feel sorry for him. Looking back, I think he was interested in her while dating me and jumped at the chance to be with her once her divorce went through, thus ditching me. Can anyone explain his thought process?? >.<
mortensorchid Posted October 13, 2012 Posted October 13, 2012 I'm sorry to hear this, based on the story you have told. And I know how you feel. I don't know about you, but I feel like I have grasped at straws and there are just no more real men out there who can hold their own with me, that's why I have given up. But based on your story, you don't need this loser. He seems to have used you for his own gains (the obit writing - and I admit that sounds odd that he would consult a person on this that he had never met in the flesh). Then he got you interested, then he left you for someone else. I hear you when you say you are happy or pleased in some way for his getting a new gf, but that's displaced emotions. You are trying to somehow relive your time with him by being happy for him. He unfriended you? Well he had a reason, and it was probably not to get his new gf jealous. I was going through this because my last serious bf broke it off and got a new gf 5 months later. All of a sudden he had all this time to do all these fun things with her and not me. Why? Because he wanted to. I was not happy for him, I won't lie, I was jealous. And because it was too painful to see all this lovey dovey stuff on his wall, I unfriended him. Even though our situations sound silly or caddy, I am here to tell you that life is too short and you should just move on. He doesn't deserve you. 1
clia Posted October 13, 2012 Posted October 13, 2012 His thought process is that he lost interest in you, and is now interested in her. Don't overcomplicate things. This really upset me because I hadn't had any contact with him in 1.5 months and of course, I didn't comment on the new girl. He was essentially deleting me from his life and after everything we shared and had in common - that hurt me that he didnt even want me around as a friend anymore. You weren't a friend. You were a woman he dated for two short months. Two months is nothing. Nothing! You obviously were way more invested in the relationship than he was. I couldn't help but visit both their pages to see what was going on. Do you realize how cuckoo this is? Why would she still willingly keep her weddng photo up if she is happy with someone else (and why would HE be ok with that?!). Um...what? Why do you care so much what she does and whether he is okay with it? Maybe she thinks she looks gorgeous in her wedding photo. Maybe she and her husband split on amicable terms. Who knows? Who cares? It pisses me off because clearly, they are moving fast - and that is something I felt pushed him away from me. MYOB. I thought I was falling too hard, too fast - but I realize now that HE was the problem all along and not me. That depends. I suspect that he was fleetingly interested in you, then lost interest, and has now met this new woman. That happens all the time in the dating world. I want you to reread your post with an objective viewpoint. Pretend you don't know the person who wrote it. Go do that. Are you back? Good. Doesn't it sound a little crazy? He has moved on. So should you. Don't worry about what he's posting on his Facebook page or what pictures she has up on hers, or if he is going to be a rebound for her. It's none of your business. Move on! 1
amaysngrace Posted October 13, 2012 Posted October 13, 2012 You sound like a nice person for being there for him when he needed you. Try to concentrate more on the strength that is you than the weakness that is him. His selfishness and lack of regard for your feelings speaks volumes about him. Karma. 1
oaks Posted October 13, 2012 Posted October 13, 2012 Can anyone explain his thought process?? >.< He sees her as more than just a "divorcee" and, at the moment, prefers her to you.
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