itsnotyouitsme Posted October 13, 2012 Posted October 13, 2012 I actually don't know where to begin with this... I'm new to online forums so here goes... THE PAST So basically three years ago I met this really nice guy at College , we both really got on, he understood my humour, he was funny and he was kind & sweet. We spent most days together doing pretty much everything and anything. We were not a couple because I made it clear from the beginning I wasn't ready for a relationship. I generally find it very hard to trust people, especially guys. He told me that it didn't matter and eventually I'll come round. I told him I didn't know when I'd be ready and I didn't want to lead him on. He seemed cool with it and we carried on being "friends" Then his best mate from High School decided to tell me he was also in love with me. He knew how his mate felt but didn't seem to care much. Long story short, they are not friends any more because of me. For the last three years I have been "friends" with this guy, he was sweet and would do the nicest things like send me flowers and take me away for my birthday. At some point in the three years I really started to fall in love with him. He made really happy. We slept together and I was his first. So fast forward this year January, we started arguing A LOT. Everyday and literally about everything. He was very insecure about my ex who I dated for 4 years and now is my best friend. He would get jealous if I ever went out with him or went to his house. I would always have to explain myself to him, I reassured him countless amount of times but he wouldn't believe me. At one point he asked me to stop talking to him completely. He would get mad at me for being too social. The arguments got really bad, endless conversations of the phone, most of them ending with me crying my eyes out and him hanging up. There was a side of him I had not seen for the 3 years I'd known him. I then decided it would be best to take a break (just to clarify we weren't officially boyfriend and girlfriend) After the break he came back saying that I was the love of his life and I was the woman he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. He would always tell me he loves me and i was his everything. BUT every time I brought up the convo about being together he went cold and I really wanted a relationship however I thought I was coming across a bit pushy and needy. I felt like because I wanted the relationship now he didn't want it any more. But in my opinion who really spends 3 years pursuing someone and then not be in a relationship. He lost his best mate to still have me in his life. He started saying things like "we don't need the title, we already act like bf/gf" To which I agree to a certain extent, but why was he so adamant in the first place? I let it be, we carried on as we have for the last three years. However I started noticing, he wasn't putting much effort it, wouldn't call or text as much. he lied to me a few times about being home with his mum but actually being out with his mates. I found it odd that he felt the need to lie when I go out all the time and I'm not the type of girl to scream and shout at him for spending less time with me. Over time we started drifting apart, we wouldn't talk for days, and he would say "oh why haven't you contacted me or why did it take you so long to hit me up?" I started to feel that he wanted me to chase him. I got fed up one day and said you don't make time for me and I've had enough, I don't want to speak to you any more. I felt like he was playing games, I was getting confused. we was arguing and I was getting upset. It didn't seem worth my time. So we stopped talking for 3 months. I found it so hard but I knew he wasn't the same person. Furthermore I also had these suspicions about another female. I saw him a few times because we live in the same area and he looked at me and completely ignored me. It hurt me that after all those years I didn't even get a hello but I thought oh well time to move on. PRESENT When I finally came to terms with what seemed like a break up, he text me saying he missed me. We spoke, he said he wanted a relationship now and he wanted to go on holiday to spend quality time together. Two weeks in, I notice he's getting mad at me for going out, picking arguments, not calling as often, not picking up my calls. During the the two weeks we met up and slept together so I felt a bit like a booty call. I then called him to sort things out, he ignored my calls and text me the next day saying 'i was out so I couldn't take your calls' .. No apology or anything so since then I haven't replied and I haven't heard from him. its been a month and a bit since we spoke and I still can't seem to get him out my head, I don't really know what I want any more. I dream about him all the time and us getting married which doesn't help. A part of me feels like we have this unfinished business to deal with because of our history together. But then a part of me feels like I'm done with this situation, we've spent most of this year being off with each other so the build up was there. I would love to know what he thinks, but I feel like every time I message or call him first he thinks that he's won. I don't know if he's waiting for me to call him and try fix things because he's spent the last three years doing everything for me and wants me to chase him or he's moved on. Should I try to sort things out? Should I call him? I really miss the old him. I can't understand his behaviour change. Is it really worth getting involved again? Could there be a chance he's moved on? Do I leave it and move on? Is it me? Is it the case of you want what you can't have? So many questions!! This was so long. Sorry & thanks to anyone who reads this.
Blastoplast Posted October 13, 2012 Posted October 13, 2012 I would just move on. He clearly has some major jealousy and insecurity issues, not to mention arguments over what I'm assuming are very arbitrary issues. Seems like you'd be setting yourself up for heartache and pain, my 2 cents.
Author itsnotyouitsme Posted October 13, 2012 Author Posted October 13, 2012 I definitely agree with you about the jealousy issues. Thanks for the reply.
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