trombean Posted October 12, 2012 Posted October 12, 2012 I know a lot of people are going to just tell me to break up with her, but I really don't want to. I love her and I want this to work... But she just changes her mind about me very easily... For a while before we were dating, she was completley unsure whether she wanted to go out with me or not. Finally she decided to give me a chance and things were going wonderful. She told me that she loved me, and that she hopes the relationship lasts forever and that I'm the best bf she's ever had... But her family doesn't really like me. They barely know me, but they make a lot of assumptions. Basically to them, I'm a manipulative jerk who just wants sex and is a potential serial killer. They don't know we've been dating. Every time she brings it up with her family that she likes me, they freak out and tell her that they'll never allow it and to stay away from me. So of course, her mom forbids her to let her date me. We're still in the process of talking to her and changing her mind... But anyways, she talked to her brother about me. I have no idea what he told her, but suddenly she's doubting the relationship. Telling me that maybe we're just better off as friends and she's not sure she likes me that much and she doesn't want to hurt me etc... But then when I tell her that it's up to her, she never wants to end it. She just tells me "we'll keep trying, but I don't know if my feelings are going to change". Ever since that talk with her brother, she's been completely unsure as to whether or not she even likes me after she had been telling me for the past 2 months that she wanted to marry me. And I know she was sincere when she said it. She never lies about anything. I don't know what to do. I've talked to her about it a lot, but she acts like she's never even felt it that strong for me. I don't want to lose her, but it feels like I am right now. Any ideas on what to do?
veggirl Posted October 12, 2012 Posted October 12, 2012 She has you by the balls and knows it. You need to tell her you aren't interested in her wishy washyness and to call you when she knows what she wants. Seriously. You wanna be dealing with these games forever, til she decides to dump you? She doesn't respect you and is walking all over you, you need to put a stop to it. Walk away, she'll come running after you and then I guess you guys can continue this cycle! (very unhealthy dynamic you have going on here, sorry but leaving is what you should do regardless of how much you love her, she doesn't respect you or your R) 1
Author trombean Posted October 12, 2012 Author Posted October 12, 2012 Lol, that's an extremely hard decision for me to make... I've never felt this way about anyone before and I've been extremely happy ever since I met her. I've had 3 relationships before, but I've never felt the way she makes me feel. This really sucks lol...
todreaminblue Posted October 13, 2012 Posted October 13, 2012 I know a lot of people are going to just tell me to break up with her, but I really don't want to. I love her and I want this to work... But she just changes her mind about me very easily... For a while before we were dating, she was completley unsure whether she wanted to go out with me or not. Finally she decided to give me a chance and things were going wonderful. She told me that she loved me, and that she hopes the relationship lasts forever and that I'm the best bf she's ever had... But her family doesn't really like me. They barely know me, but they make a lot of assumptions. Basically to them, I'm a manipulative jerk who just wants sex and is a potential serial killer. They don't know we've been dating. Every time she brings it up with her family that she likes me, they freak out and tell her that they'll never allow it and to stay away from me. So of course, her mom forbids her to let her date me. We're still in the process of talking to her and changing her mind... But anyways, she talked to her brother about me. I have no idea what he told her, but suddenly she's doubting the relationship. Telling me that maybe we're just better off as friends and she's not sure she likes me that much and she doesn't want to hurt me etc... But then when I tell her that it's up to her, she never wants to end it. She just tells me "we'll keep trying, but I don't know if my feelings are going to change". Ever since that talk with her brother, she's been completely unsure as to whether or not she even likes me after she had been telling me for the past 2 months that she wanted to marry me. And I know she was sincere when she said it. She never lies about anything. I don't know what to do. I've talked to her about it a lot, but she acts like she's never even felt it that strong for me. I don't want to lose her, but it feels like I am right now. Any ideas on what to do? her opinion of you changes on what other people say, that isn't healthy or right...i feel for you because you truly seem to care for this girl, but what she is doing is wrong if you have been going out with her for a year she should know how she feels about you ......hiding the fact that you were dating isnt right either.....if you have to hide your dating status from people i would say alert alert red light red light.As a mature woman who is also a big kid.......i dont hide from anyone that knows me if i like someone i tell my friends and family hwo i feel, if they dont like them tuff.......they better get to like them and drop the assumptions....my happiness is a concern to my family and friends which is how it should be if i am happy they are happy for me......so far I have not picked any serial killers to date that i know of.......i have dated a few dicks though and my friends and family informed me of this ......i chose my own path no one to blame but myself then..once i have my mind made up it will only change if i want it too no one else can change my mind for me........i listen to advice sure....then choose to do what my heart tells me too....what does your heart tell you about this girl/woman.I would say flagged relationship....a year is long enough to know someone well enough....in fact well over....... you should at least like and have feelings for someone you date......thats a given......then feelings become stronger over time if they are the right person and you mesh.....if not they will wane......and if they blow hot and cold......its not an equal relationship its a traffic light firmly on red...marry to dont know if she even wants to go out with you is a big sway considering she is basing her feelings on a brother who doesnt know you......so she doesnt know her own feelings towards you.....what does your heart say to you?????.and do you really want to be with someone whose main consideration is what others think of you........ that could change constantly you know I dont think you are being fair on yourself and what you deserve to have reciprocated.......deb 1
Author trombean Posted October 13, 2012 Author Posted October 13, 2012 her opinion of you changes on what other people say, that isn't healthy or right...i feel for you because you truly seem to care for this girl, but what she is doing is wrong if you have been going out with her for a year she should know how she feels about you ......hiding the fact that you were dating isnt right either.....if you have to hide your dating status from people i would say alert alert red light red light.As a mature woman who is also a big kid.......i dont hide from anyone that knows me if i like someone i tell my friends and family hwo i feel, if they dont like them tuff.......they better get to like them and drop the assumptions....my happiness is a concern to my family and friends which is how it should be if i am happy they are happy for me......so far I have not picked any serial killers to date that i know of.......i have dated a few dicks though and my friends and family informed me of this ......i chose my own path no one to blame but myself then..once i have my mind made up it will only change if i want it too no one else can change my mind for me........i listen to advice sure....then choose to do what my heart tells me too....what does your heart tell you about this girl/woman.I would say flagged relationship....a year is long enough to know someone well enough....in fact well over....... you should at least like and have feelings for someone you date......thats a given......then feelings become stronger over time if they are the right person and you mesh.....if not they will wane......and if they blow hot and cold......its not an equal relationship its a traffic light firmly on red...marry to dont know if she even wants to go out with you is a big sway considering she is basing her feelings on a brother who doesnt know you......so she doesnt know her own feelings towards you.....what does your heart say to you?????.and do you really want to be with someone whose main consideration is what others think of you........ that could change constantly you know I dont think you are being fair on yourself and what you deserve to have reciprocated.......deb Well the reason we don't tell her family is because her mom is paying for her school and her car and gives her a lot. She just feels very guilty going against her mom's decision after she's done so much for her. She doesn't want to hurt her. That's why we're going to talk to both talk to her mom about it, but we're still in the process of planning things out so that she doesn't freak out that her daughter wants to date a serial killer lol. I was pretty shocked after she changed her mind with her brother... But he does have a very strong influence over her and said something to her to scare her out of the relationship. He said that he would support us when we talk to her mom, but he still had to say something to discourage her. And I dont know... I understand what you guys are saying and I mean I hate it too. I wish our relationship was just solid and without any of this stuff. And for a while it was, but then it just went back to the way it was before we started dating. She told me she didn't know she felt about me for a long time, but I kept trying cause I was crazy about her. She would always say things like "I think I just love you a lot as a friend" or "I don't want a bf at all right now". Eventually she finally said yes and a while later I asked her if she was glad that I never gave up and she said "Yes, I'm extremely glad. I didn't think I would love you as much as I do now"... But now, yeah she's not sure if she likes me or if we're just really good friends and I have no idea what happened lol... I want to stay with her. We've had a wonderful relationship and amazing chemistry. We've had a lot of romantic nights that I'll never forget. I definitely don't want to lose her.
Quiet Storm Posted October 13, 2012 Posted October 13, 2012 Tell her that if she doesn't want you anymore, fine, you will go. Tell her that you want a girl that is sure she wants to be with you. After a year, she should not be confused. If you keep tolerating this back & forth stuff, it will always be like this. You may get married, and twenty years from now she will still have the upper hand and you will be her doormat. You do not what this to be the dynamic of your relationship. Say, "I can see you need space. I don't want to be with someone that isn't sure about me. I've been there for you, I tolerated you lying about us, and I deserve better than this." She's not considering your feelings and how her indecisiveness is hurting you. Did you do anything to make her mother and brother dislike you? 1
FitChick Posted October 13, 2012 Posted October 13, 2012 Judging from the title of this thread I thought it was about his girlfriend going braless. 1
Author trombean Posted October 13, 2012 Author Posted October 13, 2012 Tell her that if she doesn't want you anymore, fine, you will go. Tell her that you want a girl that is sure she wants to be with you. After a year, she should not be confused. If you keep tolerating this back & forth stuff, it will always be like this. You may get married, and twenty years from now she will still have the upper hand and you will be her doormat. You do not what this to be the dynamic of your relationship. Say, "I can see you need space. I don't want to be with someone that isn't sure about me. I've been there for you, I tolerated you lying about us, and I deserve better than this." She's not considering your feelings and how her indecisiveness is hurting you. Did you do anything to make her mother and brother dislike you? I got drunk and sent her a text at 2am saying "I love you" and her parents saw it and freaked out, thinking it was something a murderer would do.
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