JayL Posted October 12, 2012 Posted October 12, 2012 (edited) I have been strung along by a girl who I fell in-love with. Therefore, I'd like to share the lines that I've heard from her, lines that people have warned me about, but I chose to ignore. I want to share these lines so that everyone here can save themselves before jumping into that quicksand. I've heard these lines in order over a period of time. 1) I don't know what I want. What it really means : You're just one of my options. There are others on the same boat as you. 2) I like you, but I don't want a relationship right now. What it really means : I like you, but I still want to play the field and see if there's anyone who I might like more. 3) I want a relationship, but I'm only 50% into this and I want to try if I can get there. What it really means : I'm not that into you, but you're a potential, so I'll temporarily settle for you in case I don't find anyone else, I have you. 4) I need to think things over and re-evaluate. (Once you're official, she/he will pull back) What it really means : I'm bored of settling for you and I want to see if the grass is greener on the other side, but if not, I have you as my back-up. I hope this helps. RED FLAGS 1. Have been single for an extended period of time. 2. Has had numerous sex partners while being single. Edited October 12, 2012 by JayL 4
Author JayL Posted October 12, 2012 Author Posted October 12, 2012 i've heard 1,2,3 on the first meeting or even before i met her. never had a girlfriend in 41 years so never heard 4. your red flags are insulting. women judge and judge hard on men who've been single for an extended period of time. why would i when i've been single forever? same with the other red flag. women judge hard on men for having too few sex partners so why would i judge her on sex partners? or could it be that i'm a beggar and beggars can't be choosers. I'm just saying these were the redflags about "her" specifically that I ignored.
veggirl Posted October 12, 2012 Posted October 12, 2012 Those are all very obvious red flags (the things she said). I don't think being single for an extended period of time is though. 3
Oxy Moronovich Posted October 12, 2012 Posted October 12, 2012 Yeah, those are red flags. But being passive-aggressive is how women operate.
todreaminblue Posted October 12, 2012 Posted October 12, 2012 it is, at least if you are man that's been single for an extended period of time. i've argued bitterly with five potential girlfiends over it. it was a big deal to them, but i've heard it's not as big a deal to men. just my experiences. i dont think it is a red flag for man or a woman being single for an extended period of time....the only thing might be is that you have been independent and are used to being by yourself and adapting to a relationship takes effort and compromise....but most people can adapt.....being single fro an extended period of time does prove a point that you just dont want to be in a relationship to be happy you can be happy on your own.....and when that does turn into a relationship in the future you will be happy in that as well....because you already were happy enough to begin with.......deb
veggirl Posted October 12, 2012 Posted October 12, 2012 it is, at least if you are man that's been single for an extended period of time. i've argued bitterly with five potential girlfiends over it. it was a big deal to them, but i've heard it's not as big a deal to men. just my experiences. Perhaps it depends on how long "extended time" is and what the reason is? I don't know, I don't see it as a red flag. I'd assume they just didn't meet someone they really connected with. I'd take someone who'd been single for 3 years over someone who'd had 10 girlfriends in 3 years, for example. 1
trombean Posted October 12, 2012 Posted October 12, 2012 I made a topic about this before seeing this one... My gf has told me every single one of those lines before we started dating. After we started dating, she started telling me she loved me and she wanted to get married. But after talking to her brother about me, she's doubting that she even likes me that much. She just recently gave me line number 4... I'm really scared lol. I fell in love with this girl and I don't want to lose her.
yongyong Posted October 13, 2012 Posted October 13, 2012 Why would you get rid of a current bang just because she is not sure about the relationship? What you should do is go out and hit on other women without any quilt while banging her. To go to the final destination, sometimes you have to ride on transfer vehicles.
NoMoreJerks Posted October 13, 2012 Posted October 13, 2012 1) I don't know what I want. What it really means : You're just one of my options. There are others on the same boat as you. 2) I like you, but I don't want a relationship right now. What it really means : I like you, but I still want to play the field and see if there's anyone who I might like more. My ex used #1 on me, and a variant of #2. He said that he liked me but that we couldn't have a "full relationship" because of the distance. It really translates to: "I like you -- I mean, I like the sex, and the benefits of your company (not being lonely), but I don't want the emotional attachment or the commitment. I want to be lazy, have my cake and eat it too. I don't care enough about you to want to try real hard. I'll do that when the right person comes along, or maybe I'm not relationship material." #1 is the biggest one, from what I know..
jcrew11 Posted October 13, 2012 Posted October 13, 2012 It sounds to me like all those excuses are variations and hints to the classic "She's just not into you, right now, and does not want to settle down with you in a long term relationship, or view you as a potential husband" Look, she may be the hot girl of your dreams - but she just doesn't view you as boyfriend material. Try not to look so needy or desperate. Give her some space and time apart for her to decide whether she misses you or wants to be with the other guys. There may be things in your life that are not attractive - you may be poor, a low paying job, you're boring, not interesting, funny or charming. You don't to fun dates, you're not attractive. Make her jealous by seeing other women.
phineas Posted October 13, 2012 Posted October 13, 2012 Imagine you had two women standing in front of you that were equal in attractiveness. If one said the above crap in the OP & the other one didn't, which one would you pick? Guess what, the woman saying that crap knows which one the guy would pick also & would NEVER say that to a man she wanted to be with. ever. Because she knows that man would just go with the other option & forget her.
HeldbyGravity Posted October 13, 2012 Posted October 13, 2012 If anyone, guy or girl, is not 100% into you, you're gonna have issues. Don't go for anyone who approaches you so coldly. Bold statement maybe, but it's just respecting your and another person's dignity.
River Rain Posted October 13, 2012 Posted October 13, 2012 4) I need to think things over and re-evaluate. I got this 5 weeks ago from my ex, except he included me in it "we both need to think things over"...ummmm, I didn't need to think things over! But that meant that he was still pining over his old life, wife, kid, picket fence etc... RED FLAGS 1. Have been single for an extended period of time. I know you're just referring to her, but you're making a blanket statement. I've been single for 18 years, but it was due to losing a child and illness. I'm feeling great now and very healthy, very passionate, honest and loving. If a guy were to reject me based solely on the fact that I've been alone a long time, then I'd say he was missing out on a very good thing with me. And I'd say he probably had issues and bringing his own baggage into our new relationship.
mtnbiker Posted October 13, 2012 Posted October 13, 2012 I know you're just referring to her, but you're making a blanket statement. I've been single for 18 years, but it was due to losing a child and illness. I'm feeling great now and very healthy, very passionate, honest and loving. If a guy were to reject me based solely on the fact that I've been alone a long time, then I'd say he was missing out on a very good thing with me. And I'd say he probably had issues and bringing his own baggage into our new relationship. I think this applies much more to guys who have been single for awhile. I have heard women and female friends talk about this subject. It usually goes something like this, "He is cute, has a decent job, is relatively funny"...."Yea, but he has been single for like four or five years, so there must be something wrong". I know when I went through my 3.5 year stretch I was often asked why, why, why when I began dating again. They seemed reluctant to trust me and cautious. That was a rough couple months.
River Rain Posted October 13, 2012 Posted October 13, 2012 I think this applies much more to guys who have been single for awhile. I have heard women and female friends talk about this subject. It usually goes something like this, "He is cute, has a decent job, is relatively funny"...."Yea, but he has been single for like four or five years, so there must be something wrong". I know when I went through my 3.5 year stretch I was often asked why, why, why when I began dating again. They seemed reluctant to trust me and cautious. That was a rough couple months. I guess I'm different! I wouldn't have a problem with it, but sure, I'd want to know why, it's natural to be curious. I've always been honest about the length of time I've been alone and why and this hasn't been a deterrent, the guys don't seem to care, in fact I was told by a few of them that it was a bit of a turn-on.
veggirl Posted October 13, 2012 Posted October 13, 2012 I got this 5 weeks ago from my ex, except he included me in it "we both need to think things over"...ummmm, I didn't need to think things over!. LOL I got a variation of that as well--we need time apart to think about what we really want. My exact response was "I just told you what I want, I don't need time to think it over" The "we" just assuages their guilt. Lucky them 2
mesmerized Posted October 13, 2012 Posted October 13, 2012 I actually prefer a man who has been single for long to one who was recently in a relationship. 1
filani Posted October 13, 2012 Posted October 13, 2012 Imagine you had two women standing in front of you that were equal in attractiveness. If one said the above crap in the OP & the other one didn't, which one would you pick? Guess what, the woman saying that crap knows which one the guy would pick also & would NEVER say that to a man she wanted to be with. ever. Because she knows that man would just go with the other option & forget her. @ phineas Yup! What you said ! The sad truth is that more often than not, many of us guys let women who act like this get away with such behavior just like the OP did . If we (men) put as much importance on our self respect and showed zero tolerance for bad behavior the way most women do, I really think more men would get a better deal on the relationship scene.
Gypsie Posted October 13, 2012 Posted October 13, 2012 That goes both way with the original post. Guys are like that with girls as well. Same Mesmerized. They have less emotional baggage with the current ex if they have been single for a year or so. Another recent one I've heard. That is a red flag to me now is "seeing where this goes" from a guy or girl. Non answers like that are also red flags to me now. Leant to question that response more now and to walk away if it is something I don't want to hear.
Author JayL Posted October 13, 2012 Author Posted October 13, 2012 Imagine you had two women standing in front of you that were equal in attractiveness. If one said the above crap in the OP & the other one didn't, which one would you pick? Guess what, the woman saying that crap knows which one the guy would pick also & would NEVER say that to a man she wanted to be with. ever. Because she knows that man would just go with the other option & forget her. Perhaps.... I heard each line over a period of time from my ex-girlfriend who introduced me within 1 month to her entire family, my ex-girlfriend who I was having sex with and my ex-girlfriend who initiated the "future" talk with me. Example : If we are to last, are you open to living together before marriage? Etc. etc. I guess she thought she could get through it if she spent more time with me. Just don't get strung along people... if you notice "hot and cold" , you've got your answer and it's time to move on. If you stay, it's a ticking bomb ready to explode in a matter of time.
Gypsie Posted October 13, 2012 Posted October 13, 2012 Zero tolerance for bad behaviour goes for both men and women. Filani. Not putting up with bad behaviour whether from a male or female is what weeds out the duds. Learnt you just gotta walk away if you see things are not adding up or not what you want and not put up with it.
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