Decorative Posted October 16, 2012 Posted October 16, 2012 (edited) Nah.. looking long term there are people who never cheat for the whole of their lives. Not saying I am any better than anyone or anything but I would say that people who are cheaters are simply cheaters. Hence, I don't bother with the infidelity and OW/OM forum. Take care, Eve x I don't understand what this has to do with anything? I haven't cheated for the whole of my life, either. But it is naive to think that people are immune to it, or that it's something you can identify on someone else, like a birthmark or freckle. I wish it was such a simple "cheaters are cheaters". The point was that people who you would assume "would never " cheat, too. Not everyone, not all of them. But some do. And you never know. And you can never truly understand the workings of someone else's head. The best thing you can learn about infidelity is that it really can happen to anyone, which is why some of us are vigilant about personal boundaries, so we can guard against being put in circumstances that can lead to issues. I don't understand "not bothering with the infidelity /OWOM forum" comment. Is it because you think you're immune to the possibility of being a WS or OW? Yeah. I sounded like that once, too. And then I ended up a betrayed spouse to a "would never" husband. Edited October 16, 2012 by Decorative 1
Author Driver12 Posted October 16, 2012 Author Posted October 16, 2012 Nobody else created such an elaborate story or such insulting remarks, hence the tone of the reply to yours. I'm finding them a hilarious read though, so I don't mind the postings. My dad's dead, however, so cheers for that. And no, I'm not looking for another one, certainly not one 5 years older than myself. As for the rest of the post/comments, I don't respond to the ridiculous and have no need to deny anything. One thing I will point out though - I posted in the Marriage section as my post involved a general question about what other married people thought, not in the Other Woman/Man forum.
Author Driver12 Posted October 16, 2012 Author Posted October 16, 2012 Donnamaybe - that makes sense, if I'd had two spare tickets it wouldn't have phased me if his wife came along too! If he/she wanted, again, not adverse to meeting her at all. I just think some suggestions that it's up to me to contact his wife and ask her permission is bizarre - it's up to spouses to sort things with each other, not anyone else! 1
Author Driver12 Posted October 16, 2012 Author Posted October 16, 2012 I didn't read it that way, especially from 2sunny
Author Driver12 Posted October 16, 2012 Author Posted October 16, 2012 Why on earth would I do that? I was the one who had tickets to the play initially with another friend, I've already said I'm happy to go by myself - I want to see the play! 1
standtall Posted October 16, 2012 Posted October 16, 2012 Offer the two tickets for him and his wife! But that would go contrary to the basic OP philosophy of it being all about me...hence why she asked a married man on a date and could care less about how his wife feels. 2
2sunny Posted October 16, 2012 Posted October 16, 2012 Ok then - sell the other ticket and make your money back!
Author Driver12 Posted October 16, 2012 Author Posted October 16, 2012 2sunny - It's not sold out and I can't return it to the box office, but it's no big deal, it wasn't expensive Doug - I'm really sorry someone did such a number on you 1
Author Driver12 Posted October 16, 2012 Author Posted October 16, 2012 Once again, I'm sorry somebody did such a number on you. You're only painting yourself in a bizarre light by investing so much energy in some stranger's post on the internet. Also once again, I don't respond to ridiculousness
Eve Posted October 16, 2012 Posted October 16, 2012 I don't understand what this has to do with anything? I haven't cheated for the whole of my life, either. But it is naive to think that people are immune to it, or that it's something you can identify on someone else, like a birthmark or freckle. I wish it was such a simple "cheaters are cheaters". The point was that people who you would assume "would never " cheat, too. Not everyone, not all of them. But some do. And you never know. And you can never truly understand the workings of someone else's head. The best thing you can learn about infidelity is that it really can happen to anyone, which is why some of us are vigilant about personal boundaries, so we can guard against being put in circumstances that can lead to issues. I don't understand "not bothering with the infidelity /OWOM forum" comment. Is it because you think you're immune to the possibility of being a WS or OW? Yeah. I sounded like that once, too. And then I ended up a betrayed spouse to a "would never" husband. From the little I have seen on the infidelity and OW/OM forum having affairs is seen as a viable relationship choice. That curls my stomach, hence I stay away from it. Also, although, yes, affairs can happen to those who never saw it coming, I STRONGLY disagree with over vigilance. Not everyone has affairs. For some, once they have had that experience they are forever tainted and cannot even reason that some people do not cheat. It may be simplistic but I do hold that cheaters are basically wired like that for them to succumb in the first instance, however it is phrased or in whatever experience it is embedded in. I see it as a trait of someone who has poor/weak character and will not taint everyone as having even the potential for that. Many never cheat no matter what. That is what I was initially defending - but the situation was not as I had read it. Take care, Eve x
Decorative Posted October 16, 2012 Posted October 16, 2012 It's not over vigilance to accept the premise that affairs can happen. But okay. Thank you for explaining what you meant.
Eve Posted October 16, 2012 Posted October 16, 2012 It's not over vigilance to accept the premise that affairs can happen. But okay. Thank you for explaining what you meant. I don't know.. I have been married for 13 years, 14 years together and we both are on the same page about this. I will not baby my Husband. I would rather be with myself than do that. Anyhow, he would be a damn fool to cheat on me and he knows it. .. But sorry if I sound like I am invincible or something. I am not. I just can't live with doubt. So, I am very tolerant and open and will listen if things come up that are genuine that my Hubby wants to do.. but if he cheated on me, he would not get a second chance. Same other way around. My Husband was cheated on and he gave his ex two weeks to come back and work on their marriage. After the two weeks were up he divorced her and never looked back. He has never treated me with over suspicion or anything, even after what he went through. Never let bad people mark your life, I say. Sorry, for the rant. This is just something I really believe in. Take care, Eve x 2
AnotherRound Posted October 16, 2012 Posted October 16, 2012 Hey Driver - sod it... I will go to the play with you! lol I LOVE plays! I don't think you did anything wrong - my best friend's husband and I often do things together alone. In fact, he is coming over tomorrow night so that I can help him with a paper for school - bc my best friend will divorce him if she has to help him again bc they annoy each other, lol. I guess if you and I want to go, two single women, it will be a date and we can be lesbians. And, with all those extra phermones in the air at night - who knows! It takes all kinds to make the world go round - and I think you got the opinions you were seeking - I would venture to say thought that this isn't a good sample of society. Maybe you could post it elsewhere (where there isn't an infidelity bias?) and see what you come up with? Bc honestly, I have never seen so many people in one place that think it's inappropriate to have friends of the opposite gender (I think it's skewed bc of the infidelity factor). Just tell me when and where and we'll go together! I enjoyed the thread - it was definitely enlightening! 1
AnotherRound Posted October 16, 2012 Posted October 16, 2012 I don't know.. I have been married for 13 years, 14 years together and we both are on the same page about this. I will not baby my Husband. I would rather be with myself than do that. Anyhow, he would be a damn fool to cheat on me and he knows it. .. But sorry if I sound like I am invincible or something. I am not. I just can't live with doubt. So, I am very tolerant and open and will listen if things come up that are genuine that my Hubby wants to do.. but if he cheated on me, he would not get a second chance. Same other way around. My Husband was cheated on and he gave his ex two weeks to come back and work on their marriage. After the two weeks were up he divorced her and never looked back. He has never treated me with over suspicion or anything, even after what he went through. Never let bad people mark your life, I say. Sorry, for the rant. This is just something I really believe in. Take care, Eve x Eve, although I know you don't agree with the fact that I was a FOW - I think we agree on this. The hypervigilance seems exhausting to me, and unhealthy, and really pointless in the end - bc we can never control another human being. I think we both agree that it's better to let whatever will be, be - and then deal with it. Like you said, some people will NEVER cheat - and hovering over them doesn't seem like it's going to work. And, if the hovering is the ONLY thing stopping them from cheating - I wouldn't want to be with them anyway. I enjoyed your posts - 1
Decorative Posted October 16, 2012 Posted October 16, 2012 Of course it's not, but it is over vigilance to INSIST that a SPECIFIC person IS going to engage in an A. Other than speaking of Driver, did someone say that? I guess I must be missing something. I admit- I get my hackles up when I hear people say " my spouse would never", but I just want people to be open to the possibility that it could happen. I think having that tiny bit of what if can be helpful. As to the OP- I think it is wrong to ask for a private social engagement with someone else's spouse. I am 40 years old, and it has never occurred to me to try and spend alone time with someone else's spouse, and I find it to be awkward. I assumed, which was my mistake, that perhaps the OP did, too, considering her choice of forums for posting this question. 1
Author Driver12 Posted October 16, 2012 Author Posted October 16, 2012 AR - LOL That made me hoot! If we were closer (I'm in Aus), you would be more than welcome to come on the 'date' with me! I was going to ask Doug, but...y'know... As regards to the forum choice - I didn't realise the whole of Loveshack was full of infidelity. I had originally posted the thread in the Friendship forum, but then I thought it might be better suited here as it was related to marriage, not 'a threat to' marriage! Eve - I too, have enjoyed reading your posts 1
Eve Posted October 16, 2012 Posted October 16, 2012 Eve, although I know you don't agree with the fact that I was a FOW - I think we agree on this. The hypervigilance seems exhausting to me, and unhealthy, and really pointless in the end - bc we can never control another human being. I think we both agree that it's better to let whatever will be, be - and then deal with it. Like you said, some people will NEVER cheat - and hovering over them doesn't seem like it's going to work. And, if the hovering is the ONLY thing stopping them from cheating - I wouldn't want to be with them anyway. I enjoyed your posts - I enjoyed your posts too. I can't tell you what to do or owt but I hope you have worked out why you did what you did. Women need to stick together. Men are too bastardy to get caught up in any of that nonsense. I don't have it in me to baby men. What an utter waste of time. Take care, Eve x
whichwayisup Posted October 16, 2012 Posted October 16, 2012 Honestly, being married myself, if I am feeling bright and bushy tailed enough after a hard day's work to be out doing anything in the evening, I would greatly prefer to be socializing with my WIFE. That's one of the reasons I married her, after all--I like hanging out with her socially. Aside from that, why go out on a platonic theater date with some ingenue from work when instead I could be home ACTUALLY HAVING SEX WITH MY WIFE? This pretty much sums it up and since the guy refused the invitation to go, chances are, he feels this way as well. "Thanks for the offer but no, I can't go." My only piece of advice now to you Driver, don't ask him to another event again. I take it he didn't say "oh maybe next.."? 1
Decorative Posted October 16, 2012 Posted October 16, 2012 I don't know.. I have been married for 13 years, 14 years together and we both are on the same page about this. I will not baby my Husband. I would rather be with myself than do that. Anyhow, he would be a damn fool to cheat on me and he knows it. .. But sorry if I sound like I am invincible or something. I am not. I just can't live with doubt. So, I am very tolerant and open and will listen if things come up that are genuine that my Hubby wants to do.. but if he cheated on me, he would not get a second chance. Same other way around. My Husband was cheated on and he gave his ex two weeks to come back and work on their marriage. After the two weeks were up he divorced her and never looked back. He has never treated me with over suspicion or anything, even after what he went through. Never let bad people mark your life, I say. Sorry, for the rant. This is just something I really believe in. Take care, Eve x I have no idea why you are addressing this to me. The content doesn't appear to match what I have been saying at all. You have a good day. I have no idea how to respond to your post, so I'll just end with that. LOL
Decorative Posted October 16, 2012 Posted October 16, 2012 Why is it okay to accuse HER of it? I didn't say it was okay. I was asking what the point was in the comments to me. This thread is really, really weird.
Author Driver12 Posted October 16, 2012 Author Posted October 16, 2012 Whichwayisup - He did, actually, but I didn't want to create another storm in a teacup!
eleanorrigby Posted October 16, 2012 Posted October 16, 2012 Whichwayisup - He did, actually, but I didn't want to create another storm in a teacup! well at least you can see just how dramalicious it is to even appear to be contemplating "dating" a married man. It's just not a good look and not worth it. IMO 1
Author Driver12 Posted October 16, 2012 Author Posted October 16, 2012 eleanorrigby - Yes, this thread has certainly been enlightening!
Janesays Posted October 16, 2012 Posted October 16, 2012 Doug - I'm really sorry someone did such a number on you ...says the single girl to the happily married man. 1
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