Jj1992 Posted October 12, 2012 Posted October 12, 2012 Okay, I've never really done this before but I just need some help about something. My ex and I broke up a while ago due to him having problems in his life and then bringing them into the relationship. However we remained in contact and I bump into him on nights out, he drunk texts me, I drunk text him, the list goes on. Anyways, after the night out thing he always comes back to mine and we end up sleeping with eachother. In the mornings he used to always make an excuse and leave early and i used to always vow i'd never do it again. I'd been really good the past few months, i met another guy, we're friends and we've kissed a few times, but i don't know if i'm ready to move on, only the odd drunk text from my ex and me to him but we never slept together in the months just gone - until last week. It was different from the times before though he did not leave or make an excuse and he told me he loved me but i don't think he knew i was listening. We cuddled and talked until real early in the morning and obviously slept together during the process. Now i'm just so confused. I've tried speaking to my friends but they're all biased and just say if i'm happy then they are happy. I feel as though as soon as i try and move on, he's back and it brings all my feelings back also. I can't just text him saying how i feel because i don't know what I want and i'm way too much of a wimp. I don't know if i want to go back on that road or find another direction. My mother has always said never to depend on a man and thats exactly what i did until he came along and even though i did not depend on him i still really loved him, he was my best friend and lover. I don't know if i can let go. Does he even deserve a second chance? Good god i'm a mess haha. Any advice would be much appriciated.
geegirl Posted October 12, 2012 Posted October 12, 2012 (edited) Does he deserve a second chance? I missed the part where he actually said he made the biggest mistake of his life when he let you go and wants to try again? Or is sleeping with you and cuddling a strong enough indication for you that he's dealt with the issues in his life and after a lot of self reflection he wants to try again? When two people want to try again, they discuss it, go through the issues, what needs to be worked on, learn coping skills as to how not to repeat past behaviors, etc. They don't sleep together and then wonder if it means the possibility of getting back together. Don't let the after glow of sex mess with your head. If he wants to try again, there has to be substance. Not words spoken between the sheets. He needs to show you action, and not in the bed. Edited October 12, 2012 by geegirl 1
Author Jj1992 Posted October 12, 2012 Author Posted October 12, 2012 Does he deserve a second chance? I missed the part where he actually said he made the biggest mistake of his life when he let you go and wants to try again? Or is sleeping with you and cuddling a strong enough indication for you that he's dealt with the issues in his life and after a lot of self reflection he wants to try again? When two people want to try again, they discuss it, go through the issues, what needs to be worked on, learn coping skills as to how not to repeat past behaviors, etc. They don't sleep together and then wonder if it means the possibility of getting back together. Don't let the after glow of sex mess with your head. If he wants to try again, there has to be substance. Not words spoken between the sheets. He needs to show you action, and not in the bed. You're totally right I need to grow a back bone and confront him about the whole thing.
KatZee Posted October 12, 2012 Posted October 12, 2012 Does he deserve a second chance? I missed the part where he actually said he made the biggest mistake of his life when he let you go and wants to try again? Or is sleeping with you and cuddling a strong enough indication for you that he's dealt with the issues in his life and after a lot of self reflection he wants to try again? When two people want to try again, they discuss it, go through the issues, what needs to be worked on, learn coping skills as to how not to repeat past behaviors, etc. They don't sleep together and then wonder if it means the possibility of getting back together. Don't let the after glow of sex mess with your head. If he wants to try again, there has to be substance. Not words spoken between the sheets. He needs to show you action, and not in the bed. I'm also missing the part of what went on prior to the break up. You say he brought problems in but were they LARGE problems? How did he treat you? I'm not sure what he needs a "second chance" from? Just being with you? Or did he make a huge mistake? Also, he's still just sleeping with you and committing nothing... sounds like you're both kind of using each other right now until one or both of you fully move on... one of my exes and I acted the way you guys are.
Calico Posted October 12, 2012 Posted October 12, 2012 If he wants to try again, there has to be substance. Besides alcohol.
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