Author verhrzn Posted October 22, 2012 Author Posted October 22, 2012 Maybe V you could channel your anger to start a support group or something for girls who feel the way you do. I am perfectly serious. This is something that you seem to be really passionate about and so I could see you actually helping other girls who have your mindset, even if it is just providing a forum for them to safely vent. And yes this passion would be attractive to guys too... Yeah I was originally gonna have a blog about it, and then people on here said it was a retarded idea, no one would read it, they'd be glad if I started the blog because then I'd go away, etc. So.
xxoo Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 Yeah I was originally gonna have a blog about it, and then people on here said it was a retarded idea, no one would read it, they'd be glad if I started the blog because then I'd go away, etc. So. What? You mean this thread? Almost everyone supported the idea!
Author verhrzn Posted October 22, 2012 Author Posted October 22, 2012 What? You mean this thread? Almost everyone supported the idea! Yeah, to get me the heck off the forum. It's come up once in a while since," Hey V have you started your blog yet, so you can stop complaining here and go away once and for all?" Why don't I also go tell my problems to a mirror, that seems like a great solution...
xxoo Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 Yeah, to get me the heck off the forum. It's come up once in a while since," Hey V have you started your blog yet, so you can stop complaining here and go away once and for all?" Why don't I also go tell my problems to a mirror, that seems like a great solution... THis is a great example of your negative attitude, and unrealistic world view. The people on that thread supported you, without nasty intentions. It is all there in black and white. You see nastiness that simply is not there.
suladas Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 Then explain why I NEVER get contacted online. You've seen my Match profile. ThaWhalogian has seen my OKCupid profile. Neither of them contain even a hint of negativity or whatever you're claiming turns men off. And yet not a single message. So if it's my attitude, and not my looks, then explain that phenomenon. I don't believe it based on seeing your picture in the picture thread. Even if your profile sucks, based on looks alone you'll get responses.
TheBigQuestion Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 You don't need to start your own blog, really. There are plenty of blogs and online communities out there for angry, bitter women that masquerade as genuine feminist communities. Given that most of your writing here is the rough equivalent of manosphere/MRA blog posts, you'd fit in pretty nicely.
dasein Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 OP you are describing two separate issues. 1. Are men "more visual" than women and thus given a pass for admiring or flirting with women while in a relationship in ways women aren't? 2. Is disrespectful treatment in a relationship rationalized away by any kind of "biological imperative" reasoning? IMO, men are no more "visual" than women. See "fashion industry," "teen idol industry," "cult of celebrity," "tabloids," "dramatic tv," etc. Women make a bigger deal of men "looking" than men make a deal of women looking. Women often interpret any interaction or looking at the opposite sex as flirting or checking out. Men generally don't. As for 2., bogus biological imperatives aren't a good reason for big brained humans to be "compelled" into bad behavior, whether it's cheating, disrespectfully flirting with others while in a relationship or acting bitchy during PMS because one is "hormonal." Big brained humans of quality should be able to modify their behavior in all respects to accommodate the desires of their partners, so "biological imperative" arguments hold no water, and you should never accept them or resort to them. 1
Author verhrzn Posted October 22, 2012 Author Posted October 22, 2012 You don't need to start your own blog, really. There are plenty of blogs and online communities out there for angry, bitter women that masquerade as genuine feminist communities. Given that most of your writing here is the rough equivalent of manosphere/MRA blog posts, you'd fit in pretty nicely. THis is a great example of your negative attitude, and unrealistic world view. The people on that thread supported you, without nasty intentions. It is all there in black and white. You see nastiness that simply is not there. Really? Do I?
xxoo Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 Really? Do I? The people on that thread supported you. The majority overwhelmingly supported you! It seems you only internalize the vocal, critical minority.
Author verhrzn Posted October 22, 2012 Author Posted October 22, 2012 The people on that thread supported you. The majority overwhelmingly supported you! It seems you only internalize the vocal, critical minority. But they supported me because they wanted me to go the **** away. Maybe I just have a weird definition of "support" but I don't consider that it.
Author verhrzn Posted October 22, 2012 Author Posted October 22, 2012 For all the posters who think society doesn't need to change: What A Disgusting Facebook Page Shows Us About A Woman's Need To Feel Desired You guys want to live in a world where this is acceptable and the norm? Where people don't get angry about this? The comments are horrendous, but they're nothing compared to the ones another girl, less conventionally attractive, received on her bathroom-mirror self-portrait. Most explain objects the commenter would rather have sex with than her, but one suggests she should be hanged.
xxoo Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 But they supported me because they wanted me to go the **** away. Maybe I just have a weird definition of "support" but I don't consider that it. Untrue. I supported you, and that was never my intention. That is your twisted perception, not the reality.
Author verhrzn Posted October 22, 2012 Author Posted October 22, 2012 Untrue. I supported you, and that was never my intention. That is your twisted perception, not the reality. Yes, I'm sure you'd be real sad if I left.
rainfall Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 But I'm not talking about needing fantasy for sex to be hotter. I'm talking about enjoying fantasy as one of many ways to make sex hot with our partners. How would knowing your partner wants other people make sex hotter? If anything for me it would make it unenjoyable and make me never want to have sex again.....
TheBigQuestion Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 Really? Do I? I've given plenty of genuine advice and have tried to understand your issues. You choose to do absolutely nothing about it. Eventually, my patience has to run out. The same goes for other posters.
xxoo Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 Yes, I'm sure you'd be real sad if I left. I would! You're feisty and fun, and I love a debate I'd be happy if you struggled less, but that's for your benefit, not mine. 1
Author verhrzn Posted October 22, 2012 Author Posted October 22, 2012 I've given plenty of genuine advice and have tried to understand your issues. You choose to do absolutely nothing about it. Eventually, my patience has to run out. The same goes for other posters. And yet you continue to come into my threads. Why, exactly? The only explanation I can come up with is you get off on feeling superior and beating me down. And gimme a break. Maybe other posters have given genuine advice, but you? You've been nothing but condescending since the beginning, so get off the high horse.
Lonely Ronin Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 I have righteous anger now. I spent ages 8-22ish trying to change to please society.... to please other people. IMO, this is part of the problem, you change because you want to, not because other people want you to. Do you know what that's like? To be SO desperate to be liked, to fit in, to finally "change" into something acceptable, and yet be unable to? The kind of fragmented thinking that causes, the kind of damage it does? no one will know exactly what you went through but you. So they don't care that they can't get married? They don't care that other people will think they are child molesters if they try to get a job at a school? They don't care if people yell "go die fag!" down the street every day? Or if coworkers joke in the middle of a meeting about what a queer they are, and everybody laughs? They don't care that thousands of gay teens are bullied and rejected into suicide every month by homophobes? Actually I was just to the wedding of two of them, they don't care if the government recognizes it or not, they, there families, and friends do and that's what matters to them. I live in a rural part of the country and i have never heard anyone, or had a gay friend tell me someone yelled something at them on the street. They are all stong willed people so is a coworker said something, they would most likely get in the co-workers face, or go to hr. Of course they care to an extent about younger people having issues with coming to grip with their sexuality, but they don't let it rule their lives. Maybe, maybe, when homophobes are the very small minority, I could buy your friends not caring. But when homophobes still occupy a sizeable majority... when living in this society can still be a very painful experience for a gay person.... It makes your friends look self-centered and naive, not enlightened, to shrug and say they don't need to change society because they're "happy with themselves." Because obviously, THEM being happy is the only factor that should be taken into account when asking society to evolve. I think the thing you probably don't get, is that their sexuality is not the only thing that defines them. They could give two shi*s what society thinks of them. They do the marches and fundraisers and what not, but they don't base there life on the state of gay rights. And what about my point, about where's the line in the sand? You tell me to change so I'll be happy in this society.... exactly how MUCH should I change? How much would you advise is the moral amount of change required for me to "fit in"? People destroy their bodies and their lives and their souls to fit into society and "be happy"... how far do you think someone should go before they ask society to maybe meet them halfway? This is my point.... You care two damn much whats society thinks, so when someone affronts you, you internalize and stew on it, or you react in an overly aggressive way. IMO what you need to change, is your way of thinking in the following ways. 1. You need to learn how to let stuff role of your back so every little affront doesn't drag you down. 2. You need to accept that you are still going to run into situations that are hurtful. I mean, someone could hurt your feallings and not even mean to....... 3. You need to learn how prioritize what affronts you are going to fight back on. You have heard the phrase "choose your battles wisely" yes? 2
xxoo Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 How would knowing your partner wants other people make sex hotter? If anything for me it would make it unenjoyable and make me never want to have sex again..... That seems so extreme to me. I'm not saying you need to revel in the fact that your partner is attracted to others. But realize that these little attractions and fantasies do keep sex hot in the primary relationship. It might be easier to understand from the female pov. One show I loved to watch was Queer as Folk...sort of a hot soap opera about gay men, lol. It turns out that lots and lots of men watched this show with their girlfriends and wives, because it made their gfs and wives HOT and ready for sex. I'm no exception, ha. The guys didn't feel threatened,they enjoyed the sexual energy from their women. I get that.
TheBigQuestion Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 And yet you continue to come into my threads. Why, exactly? The only explanation I can come up with is you get off on feeling superior and beating me down. And gimme a break. Maybe other posters have given genuine advice, but you? You've been nothing but condescending since the beginning, so get off the high horse. I've given you honest, good-natured advice about how to tackle your issues. You don't remember it because it essentially blends in with what most other posters have told you to do: to work on yourself and to not expect society to change for your own benefit. I've certainly gone into condescending territory when debating things with you, largely because I have a hard time taking seriously those people who make constant appeals to emotion when they argue. That I won't dispute. But for someone who is all about being "logical" and deconstructing the bad logic of others, you routinely fall into one of the most egregious fallacies of argumentation that there is. Have we forgotten that you've told people here to "f*** off"? That you've called people a**holes? All sorts of other, completely unprovoked personal attacks?
rainfall Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 That seems so extreme to me. I'm not saying you need to revel in the fact that your partner is attracted to others. But realize that these little attractions and fantasies do keep sex hot in the primary relationship. It might be easier to understand from the female pov. One show I loved to watch was Queer as Folk...sort of a hot soap opera about gay men, lol. It turns out that lots and lots of men watched this show with their girlfriends and wives, because it made their gfs and wives HOT and ready for sex. I'm no exception, ha. The guys didn't feel threatened,they enjoyed the sexual energy from their women. I get that. I guess I'm weird.... I don't get turned on by random strangers or romance novels. I've never been one to think about someone esle so I could get hot and ready for sex with mt boyfriend.
Author verhrzn Posted October 22, 2012 Author Posted October 22, 2012 I've given you honest, good-natured advice about how to tackle your issues. You don't remember it because it essentially blends in with what most other posters have told you to do: to work on yourself and to not expect society to change for your own benefit. I've certainly gone into condescending territory when debating things with you, largely because I have a hard time taking seriously those people who make constant appeals to emotion when they argue. That I won't dispute. But for someone who is all about being "logical" and deconstructing the bad logic of others, you routinely fall into one of the most egregious fallacies of argumentation that there is. Have we forgotten that you've told people here to "f*** off"? That you've called people a**holes? All sorts of other, completely unprovoked personal attacks? The only time I have called people a**holes is when they were defending the right to critique and comment on a woman's body out loud without her consent. I consider that a**hole behavior, and thus not unprovoked. The only time I have told people to **** off is when they repeatedly come into my threads only to roll their eyes, complain about me, put me down, bully me, etc. Again, how are those unprovoked? What exactly are you doing in this thread, since I seem to frustrate/annoy/piss you off so much? Is someone standing there with a gun to your head forcing you to type annoyed words at me?
xxoo Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 I guess I'm weird.... I don't get turned on by random strangers or romance novels. I've never been one to think about someone esle so I could get hot and ready for sex with mt boyfriend. Important distinction--it isn't like I necessarily seek it out for the purpose of getting hot and ready. I liked the show, and a side benefit was that it got me turned on. When I was with my H, I was thinking about my H...but I was "readier" for sex than I might be otherwise.
Disenchantedly Yours Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 O please DY, regardless of what my opinions are or are not, it is not like you to back down from a chance to explain your point of view rather the person your debating with agrees with you or not. What exactly am I suppose to explain? You already have said all you need to say by labeling me "distorted". Obviously I disagree with that...what exactly are you looking for me to say? You are giving V the same advice you gave me. Did you ever think that there is more than one way to solve a problem and not everyone wants to conform to your way or what may have worked for you?
Lonely Ronin Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 What exactly am I suppose to explain? You already have said all you need to say by labeling me "distorted". Obviously I disagree with that...what exactly are you looking for me to say? I didn't say you were distorted, additionally distorted doesn't have to have a negative cogitation. Have you considered how your own interactions with porn have distorted your view points? for example, A female teacher friend of mine decided she needed to take a sabbatical, because she had come to realize that she was spending so much time with children between teaching and tutoring, that she had started treating and talking to everyone like children. In other words she spent some much time doing one thing, that it had negative consequences on other parts of her life. In other words have you considered how your stance on porn, might have affected other aspects of your life, or your opinion on porn it's self? You are giving V the same advice you gave me. Did you ever think that there is more than one way to solve a problem and not everyone wants to conform to your way or what may have worked for you? Last time I checked, she wanted advise, and I wasn't forcing her to do what I said.
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