How To Accept Partner Wanting Other Women?

[xxoo]

Does anyone else every get tired of the old "biology" argument? Don't you ever get tired of saying it or hearing it yourself XXOO? Why is everything that happens between men and women chalked up to male "biology" and a woman needing to "overcome" it. Well F*ck that. I am sick of tired of always having to be the gender that needs to adapt and change and work on myself to fit into what men want. I am sick of being told over and over again that men haver certain "biologies" and how I need to be understanding of that. How about men start showing some understanding toward women? How about we start realizing that alot of women have to deal with this crap 24/7 where they can't even get away from it in their own homes, never mind out on the sidewalk or at work. How about we start acknowledging that?

 

Biology biology biology... I get it! Men like other women sometiems more than their own partners sexually. Men like "new" and "different" and everything that they aren't familiar with. And women need to suck it up because it's male biology! However, guess what? This will never stop some women from having to deal with what that means for them and what it means in their relationship while they also deal with their natural "biologies" that sometimes work in counter affect to men's natural "biologies".

 

But I am sick and tired of women being demanded to accept all kinds of things because of what is "natural" to men. I think it's time men start working on themselves if they really care about their partners.

 

No, I don't get tired of men's biology. I like them as they are

 

No, not everything between men and women comes down to men's biology. Men in successful relationships work to understand and respect women's emotions and biology, just as women in successful relationships work to understand and respect men's biology and emotions.

 

Men don't need to change their biology to be good partners. They can be widely visually attracted to others (as their biology dictates) and be good, loving, faithful partners.

[mammasita]

He sounds a bit like a narcissist. I dated one for two years.

[mesmerized]

No, I don't get tired of men's biology. I like them as they are

 

No, not everything between men and women comes down to men's biology. Men in successful relationships work to understand and respect women's emotions and biology, just as women in successful relationships work to understand and respect men's biology and emotions.

 

Men don't need to change their biology to be good partners. They can be widely visually attracted to others (as their biology dictates) and be good, loving, faithful partners.

 

Lol, what you fail to realize that men and women often become good partners because they try to "resist" their biological urges and act differently. You can't really love the male "biology" if you expect him to not act on it, right?

 

Why else do you think successful relationships are so rare? Because it requires people to be about much more than their biology, sometimes in a way that is just impossible for some people. And that is what DY is saying. People on this forum need to pay more attention to the logic behind someone's words rather than just how positive it sounds.

[xxoo]

Lol, what you fail to realize that men and women often become good partners because they try to "resist" their biological urges and act differently. You can't really love the male "biology" if you expect him to not act on it, right?

 

Why else do you think successful relationships are so rare? Because it requires people to be about much more than their biology, sometimes in a way that is just impossible for some people. And that is what DY is saying. People on this forum need to pay more attention to the logic behind someone's words rather than just how positive it sounds.

 

If a man is happy at home, sexually satisfied and in love, these urges aren't so hard to resist.

 

I don't believe this is the reason successful relationships are so rare. Some men have a very hard time being monogamous no matter what, but many don't--even though, of course, they still notice other women and have some passing thoughts. That doesn't mean there is a strong urge to act on that thought, or an internal struggle to resist.

 

Relationships break down because people are bad at them, and once the relationship breaks down, attractions become much more tempting.

 

We all have urges we need to resist. Choosing one path usually means sacrificing another. If we choose a path we really enjoy, it doesn't feel so much like a sacrifice to forego the other path.

 

And yes, I LOVE male biology! I love that font of sexual energy, I love how my man responds to me, I love how his sexuality sparks my sexuality. There is a reason for Lesbian Bed Death (google it, lol). The man's sexual desire keeps things hot.

Edited October 15, 2012 by xxoo

[Imajerk17]

These arguments of "it's in our biology" to cheat are ridiculous.

 

Yes, we HAVE a biology to want to screw many women. Just as women HAVE a biology to want to get resources from many men even if they have sex with only one.

 

Well guess what? We aren't our biology.We have BOUNDARIES that temper our biology. How do I know? Because I don't mess around with women with rings on the fourth finger of their left hand. I mean, I am often attracted, but I still don't. And because women are turning down free dinners at nice restaurants with guys they aren't attracted to, because they don't want to lead anyone on.

 

I would even submit that the more mature someone is, the better their boundaries are, and the better they channel their biology. And the less mature someone is, the WORSE their boundaries are, and the LESS they channel their biology.

 

Something I feel that is worth considering here.

[SensitiveTJ]

I think one of the unfortunate parts of the original post is assuming that this is something only men do, and not women. But I think all the reasonable people in this thread know that this is false.

 

 

My girlfriend and I were watching the football games today. Both she and I know that the gf finds Timmy Tebow quite attractive. And I don't disagree, lol. He can't play but he is a handsome guy, haha. But I'm not flipping out from jealousy and my gf certainly isn't jumping on a plane to New York in an attempt to date Tim Tebow. Our relationship contains an element of emotional stability and maturity which recognizes that there are lots of attractive people in the world. Neither of us is threatened by any of them because the two of us care about one another. And we aren't interested in pursuing other people because we value what we have.

 

 

If a person is that threatened by the very idea that there are other attractive people in the world, well...that's not a boyfriend or a girlfriend problem, that's a YOU problem. And perhaps you should deal with it before it ruins all your relationships.

[kaylan]

Why are some women in this thread acting like strong sexual biology is only seen in males? Young women I know are just as bad as the guys I know. They talk about whos hot, they admit to having fantasies and some even say they watch porn.

 

It doesnt mean they will be cheaters or bad girlfriends. It depends on the person, and I know better than to assume a girl will never be attracted to other guys after she begins dating me. All I care is that she comes home to me and doesnt actively seek out or truly want others.

[Disenchantedly Yours]

No, I don't get tired of men's biology. I like them as they are

 

No, not everything between men and women comes down to men's biology.

 

 

Actually, it really does. Everytime a woman posts about something the most enlighted answer she can get is about how men have certain "needs" and how men "need" this and that because of their "biology" and that basically, and in not so many words, she needs to shut up because his biology trumps her. It's so ridiculous. It's ridiculous for you to even say, "I don't get tired of men's biology, I like them as they are", since that isn't even exactly what I asked you. I didn't ask you for a fuzzy statement about how much you love men and how perfect you think they are.

 

I am so sick and tired of hearing male biology used for every justification under the sun. But hey, if you love it so much, good for you. Just stop lecturing to me what my opinion should be just because you think men are perfect the way they are.

[Disenchantedly Yours]

And yes, I LOVE male biology! I love that font of sexual energy, I love how my man responds to me, I love how his sexuality sparks my sexuality. There is a reason for Lesbian Bed Death (google it, lol). The man's sexual desire keeps things hot.

 

No one said there weren't good things to men! Or their biology! Stop acting like there aren't bad things either though! Or that men are perfect or that it has to be all about male biology .This is exactly what I am talking about. This mentality that male biology overides everything else because "rah rah! Men are great! They are so sexual!"

 

We get it xxoo, you love men so much! You're so wonderful! Rah Rah for you! You love men and their biology and everything is perfect for you in your world and whatever your man wants to do or think about is totally great with you. Even if he is thinking about banging your babysitter or your daugther's friends...but for most women, this is going to cause some angst. Sorry we can't be as perfect as you!

[xxoo]

she needs to shut up because his biology trumps her

 

No.

 

Men struggle to understand, accept, and live happily with women, too. Men wish women would be turned on in the sames way as them, both in dating and in LTRs. When men in relationships complain about libido differences, they are schooled in the realities of "women's biology/emotions", and they have a choice of understanding, respecting, and working with it....or not. Many complain--why do I need to do this and that for her to be turned on? Why isn't it enough to just see me? Am I unattractive to her? The ones who don't get it are very unsatisfied with relationship. The ones who get it are happier, and have more and better sex.

[Els]

TBH, I don't think the root of this issue is 'men' at all, V. I think the root of this issue is men like your current bf, and others like him. It doesn't matter that they believe or insist that 'all men' are like them. There is no one attribute that can be used to describe EVERYONE of a particular gender. Saying that 'all men want to sleep around because it has biological/evolutionary basis' is as ridiculous as saying that 'all women want babies because it has biological/evolutionary basis'.

 

Different people have different boundaries in their relationships and different yardsticks for what they consider 'okay'. A few people are genuinely fine with completely polygamous Rs (the majority of happy polygamous Rs involve polygamy that goes BOTH ways, btw, because both people are in the lifestyle, and they are NOT based on one person 'giving in' to what they believe is 'inevitable' but actually prefer to do without). Some people are okay with crushes and flirting but not with actual sleeping. Some people are okay with friendly contact with the opposite sex but not blatant crushing and flirting. And the list goes on.

 

The key element here is to find a partner whose boundaries mesh with your own, and especially with what you are willing to do for him. If you are willing to never flirt with the opposite sex while in a R, it is not unreasonable to expect someone who maintains the same boundaries.

[xxoo]

The key element here is to find a partner whose boundaries mesh with your own, and especially with what you are willing to do for him. If you are willing to never flirt with the opposite sex while in a R, it is not unreasonable to expect someone who maintains the same boundaries.

 

I agree, but these are actions. We can agree to refrain from flirting, but we can not (imo) refrain from feeling attraction, or having sexual thoughts.

 

It is like a person can refrain from expressing feelings a certain way, but may not be able to refrain from feeling those things.

[oaks]

It is like a person can refrain from expressing feelings a certain way, but may not be able to refrain from feeling those things.

 

Agreed. Sometimes I see stupid people and I just want to slap them, but I don't.

[verhrzn]

Sometimes V, I really think that overall, you are trying to build a relationship from a shaky foundation. It's clear from the way you talk about yourself on here that you don't like yourself, and so you are "hiding" in a relationship where you aren't happy. Or that you are projecting your own insecurities onto your partner's feelings towards you. e.g., "We both know that he's with me only because I'm his only option and that if he had other options, he would be with them instead. So with that in mind, how can we set this up so I get to keep this relationship?"

 

It's like you feel you're better off in a mediocre relationship than alone. I mean, if you have a boyfriend, then that has to be some badge of your attractiveness, no? You might also be getting some romance, attention, and sex, and that's better than nothing, right?

 

I don't agree. Especially because you are so young. I know some of amazing women who were single at 29, 32, 39, and 49, and yes, who found dating to be frustrating at times. But they were happy alone. And then because they were happy enough alone, when they entered into a relationship, it was a good one.

 

I guess I am asking you to revisit why you are in this relationship. It doesn't seem like you are all that happy in it, and that you'd be better off alone.

 

I'm in the relationship because I like them. I don't date just anybody... each of my boyfriends I have genuinely liked/loved. I enjoy them as a person, and I enjoy the social/sexual/intellectual benefit I get out of dating them.

 

Furthermore, every single one of my relationships has followed this pattern. You suggest tossing this relationship on the basis that my next one will be better.... but so far that hasn't been the case. Each relationship I've had has been like this. So, the only way to fully correct this is to be alone forever. Since I don't want to be alone forever, my only other option is to learn how to deal in the type of relationship I find myself in over and over again.

 

I think I've said this before.... I fully believe men CAN be monogamous if they are completely satisfied and don't consider themselves "settling." (Though there is some evidence that men can love their wives and still cheat.)

 

But it is clear that I do not satisfy. It is clear that I am never enough for a guy. And it isn't that I'm picking the "wrong" guys. Example: my last ex cheated on me. Yet he IS genuinely a good guy. He's a loyal and kind friend, he's giving and empathetic. Heck, he was even a rather good boyfriend to me, aside from the whole "sex with other women" part. I have no doubt that when he gets into another relationship, he'll be just as kind and giving, and more importantly, he won't cheat on her.

 

All of my ex-bfs who cheated on me and dumped me went on to have happy monogamous relationships. The problem was not with them. The problem is with me. I am not satisfactory enough for men.

 

So, since I am not satisfactory enough for guys to be monogamous, what other option do I have aside from never being in a relationship again?

[Els]

Well, I don't think anyone here can tell you that it is entirely possible for you to be 'enough' to satisfy the right man, because you'll never believe it. Sometimes I do wonder whether your bf really said and indicated all that on his own steam, or if your entire account of what he said/did to indicate that you weren't 'enough' is completely warped by your poor self-esteem. Note: I'm not calling you a liar, I'm saying you sometimes interpret things a whole different way from how most others do. For instance, when you were once absent from this forum a few of us asked with genuine concern after your well-being. When you returned, you claimed that everyone here hated you and 'wanted you to die' and that those of us who had asked about you were just asking 'out of morbid curiousity'. When someone genuinely wants to see the sky as grey, even the brightest sunshiny day will come across to them as... grey.

 

Assuming that what you say is actually an accurate representation of the state of your relationship... Well, I stand by my advice, that for the right man you will be 'enough' and he won't be inclined to cheat. What being with THIS guy will guarantee for you, is that you will never meet that man, unless you plan on not being faithful to him. I suppose, then, your options are settling for an unhappy one-sided polygamous R, or perhaps dabbling in requesting a two-sided polygamous R so that you can keep your options open for the right man, though I sincerely doubt most men will take kindly to the second suggestion (and I don't blame them!).

[verhrzn]

Well, I don't think anyone here can tell you that it is entirely possible for you to be 'enough' to satisfy the right man, because you'll never believe it. Sometimes I do wonder whether your bf really said and indicated all that on his own steam, or if your entire account of what he said/did to indicate that you weren't 'enough' is completely warped by your poor self-esteem. Note: I'm not calling you a liar, I'm saying you sometimes interpret things a whole different way from how most others do. For instance, when you were once absent from this forum a few of us asked with genuine concern after your well-being. When you returned, you claimed that everyone here hated you and 'wanted you to die' and that those of us who had asked about you were just asking 'out of morbid curiousity'. When someone genuinely wants to see the sky as grey, even the brightest sunshiny day will come across to them as... grey.

 

Assuming that what you say is actually an accurate representation of the state of your relationship... Well, I stand by my advice, that for the right man you will be 'enough' and he won't be inclined to cheat. What being with THIS guy will guarantee for you, is that you will never meet that man, unless you plan on not being faithful to him. I suppose, then, your options are settling for an unhappy one-sided polygamous R, or perhaps dabbling in requesting a two-sided polygamous R so that you can keep your options open for the right man, though I sincerely doubt most men will take kindly to the second suggestion (and I don't blame them!).

 

You are working from the assumption that there IS a man who would consider me "enough." But that assumption is based entirely on hope, not on factual evidence.

 

The factual evidence being, I have never been enough for a guy. 5 boyfriends, same pattern. Why assume that the next one would be different? Why assume that there was a problem with THESE guys, when they are generally nice and monogamous guys?

 

When I have never been hit on, pursued, or asked out, when my friends can barely stand me.... is there not a chance that maybe I am just not a desirable person? If this is true, why assume that I'd be enough for any man?

[Els]

That's the thing, V - there is no factual evidence. All we have are your interpretations of what happened. The root factor could be anything - they grew tired of your negativity, or they grew tired of having to constantly bolster your self-esteem, or you picked men who are incompatible with you to begin with, or... I could go on, really. The point is, you cannot arrive at the unshakable conclusion that the reason everyone left is because you 'weren't enough for them'. In fact, my guess would be somewhere between you picking superficial and immature men, and you being too MUCH for them to handle, not 'not enough'. Also, 7 (?) years of experience really does not dictate what will happen for the rest of your life. Although it might, if you don't put more effort into working on the self-esteem.

[verhrzn]

That's the thing, V - there is no factual evidence. All we have are your interpretations of what happened. The root factor could be anything - they grew tired of your negativity, or they grew tired of having to constantly bolster your self-esteem, or you picked men who are incompatible with you to begin with, or... I could go on, really. The point is, you cannot arrive at the unshakable conclusion that the reason everyone left is because you 'weren't enough for them'. In fact, my guess would be somewhere between you picking superficial and immature men, and you being too MUCH for them to handle, not 'not enough'. Also, 7 (?) years of experience really does not dictate what will happen for the rest of your life. Although it might, if you don't put more effort into working on the self-esteem.

 

Well.... 10 years. And that's only 10 years of dating.

 

You can't deny that I have never been pursued. And that not all of the guys who I've pursued have responded. So, I may be picking only superficial and immature men, but those are also the only ones who will go out with me.

 

If mature or mature men won't pursue me or respond when I pursue, what does that say?

 

I'm just also not sure I buy that they left me for my personality. I did NOT depend on my last ex for ego boosts or plaster him with negativity... I was on absolutely strict best-behavior for the 7-8 months we were together. He STILL cheated and dumped me. What does that say?

[Els]

Well.... 10 years. And that's only 10 years of dating.

 

You can't deny that I have never been pursued. And that not all of the guys who I've pursued have responded. So, I may be picking only superficial and immature men, but those are also the only ones who will go out with me.

 

If mature or mature men won't pursue me or respond when I pursue, what does that say?

 

I'm just also not sure I buy that they left me for my personality. I did NOT depend on my last ex for ego boosts or plaster him with negativity... I was on absolutely strict best-behavior for the 7-8 months we were together. He STILL cheated and dumped me. What does that say?

 

V, I'm sure you've heard me say this to SD (sorry for bringing you into this again, SD!), but there are different reasons for different people. There is not any one golden rule that will prevent anyone from ever leaving you or attract everyone to you. It is usually a collection of things.

 

Your last ex might not have left because of your low self-esteem or negativity, but one of the others might. Other men might have liked your appearance and passion for competition, but might have been turned off by your self-esteem and negativity. Some men might not have minded any of the above but just weren't personally inclined to monogamy or ready for a relationship. There is no guarantee that you will ever meet the 'right man' for you, but your chances of being able to attract and maintain a healthy and happy R with the right man certainly increases as you work on your emotional stability, positivity and maturity. They also depend on you NOT being taken or married to the wrong man when you meet the right one!

[verhrzn]

The thing is that you probably pick the wrong guy or don't worry. Most women pick men that other women want like crazy. So you never pick a guy that would actually want monogamy. And your age doesn't help you either.

 

Did ya miss the part about how I am never pursued? And the only thing I pick are guys willing to date me. That is far and away the biggest deciding factor. I don't pursue or date guys who aren't interested in me.

 

So it has nothing to do with what other women want. I rarely want that kinda guy. But let me guess, it's yet another round of "All women want the hot jerk and ignore us poor nice guys!"

[xxoo]

You can't deny that I have never been pursued. And that not all of the guys who I've pursued have responded. So, I may be picking only superficial and immature men, but those are also the only ones who will go out with me.

 

But being "too much" plays into that, too. A lot of earnest guys might have wanted to pursue you at one point, but quickly decided against it when they talked to you (I'm thinking here of some of the conversations you've related, basically arguing with men at parties).

 

I believe you can be you--strong and opinionated--but also reign that in so that you don't drive people away. This plays into feeling things, but refraining from expressing them in non-adaptative ways.

 

Do you struggle to control impulses? If so, that may be why you believe all men struggle to resist cheating, assuming that they struggle with impulses in a similar way, when in fact most adults are not that impulsive.

[Pirouette]

Furthermore, every single one of my relationships has followed this pattern. You suggest tossing this relationship on the basis that my next one will be better.... but so far that hasn't been the case. Each relationship I've had has been like this. So, the only way to fully correct this is to be alone forever. Since I don't want to be alone forever, my only other option is to learn how to deal in the type of relationship I find myself in over and over again.

 

I think I've said this before.... I fully believe men CAN be monogamous if they are completely satisfied and don't consider themselves "settling." (Though there is some evidence that men can love their wives and still cheat.)

 

But it is clear that I do not satisfy. It is clear that I am never enough for a guy. And it isn't that I'm picking the "wrong" guys. Example: my last ex cheated on me. Yet he IS genuinely a good guy. He's a loyal and kind friend, he's giving and empathetic. Heck, he was even a rather good boyfriend to me, aside from the whole "sex with other women" part. I have no doubt that when he gets into another relationship, he'll be just as kind and giving, and more importantly, he won't cheat on her.

 

I think you're being disingenuous here. Sure, your last ex was a good and kind friend, but were you not his first monogamous relationship after an entire adult history (over a decade!) of short, meaningless dalliances? Did your relationship not start out as FWB? Did you not catch him sexting and then offer him an open relationship, which he then turned down? So actually, you have no idea if he'll get into another monogamous relationship and no idea if he'll be faithful as his history certainly doesn't support it.

 

While with you, he behaved in a way that was entirely suggested by past behaviour, but you ignored it, and were bewildered when it came to pass, blaming yourself and supposed personal inadequacies for it.

 

This is an example of the kind of selective vision and beliefs that people are often speculating that you indulge in.

 

All of my ex-bfs who cheated on me and dumped me went on to have happy monogamous relationships. The problem was not with them. The problem is with me. I am not satisfactory enough for men.

 

How many of your past relationships cheated on you vs left you? Out of 7 or 8 relationships was it? And you're certain that all those other relationships are still together and there was no infidelity? We really need hard numbers to understand the truth of the situation.

[verhrzn]

But being "too much" plays into that, too. A lot of earnest guys might have wanted to pursue you at one point, but quickly decided against it when they talked to you (I'm thinking here of some of the conversations you've related, basically arguing with men at parties).

 

I believe you can be you--strong and opinionated--but also reign that in so that you don't drive people away. This plays into feeling things, but refraining from expressing them in non-adaptative ways.

 

Do you struggle to control impulses? If so, that may be why you believe all men struggle to resist cheating, assuming that they struggle with impulses in a similar way, when in fact most adults are not that impulsive.

 

I struggle with some impulses, but not others. I struggle (and fail often) at impulses like not playing video games all day, or not eating desserts. Others I have no trouble controlling (drinking too much, sleeping around) that others might struggle with.

 

So while I believe people can control their impulses, it really depends on what their weak spot is, and the motivation behind controlling your impulse. If indulging in your impulse would actually gain you an advantage, or wouldn't effect you negatively, why would you resist it? If I could eat chocolate cake without ever getting fat, I couldn't comprehend why I wouldn't do it. If a guy could only gain from cheating (hotter sex with someone better, possible relationship upgrade, loss of current relationship would not effect them) why WOULDN'T they cheat?

 

I still roll my eyes at the idea that I chased guys away by arguing. These guys obviously had no desire to even give me a chance... they started correcting me or insulting me the second I opened my mouth. I mean, come on, if a person you found attractive approached you and showed interest in your hobby, even if they kind of got it wrong, would you be rushing to correct/belittle them? No. So clearly these guys weren't earnest.

[verhrzn]

I think you're being disingenuous here. Sure, your last ex was a good and kind friend, but were you not his first monogamous relationship after an entire adult history (over a decade!) of short, meaningless dalliances? Did your relationship not start out as FWB? Did you not catch him sexting and then offer him an open relationship, which he then turned down? So actually, you have no idea if he'll get into another monogamous relationship and no idea if he'll be faithful as his history certainly doesn't support it.

 

While with you, he behaved in a way that was entirely suggested by past behaviour, but you ignored it, and were bewildered when it came to pass, blaming yourself and supposed personal inadequacies for it.

 

This is an example of the kind of selective vision and beliefs that people are often speculating that you indulge in.

 

The thing is, I have no idea why he had never been in a relationship before. He refused to share that information with me. Except for the occasional sex story ("She was boring in bed," "Older women are really hot") he was rather cagey about details. So I have no idea if he had been searching for a relationship and never found one, or if he'd never been seeking one out. Heck I can't even say why he dated me. It's out of character if he's a chronic player, but unlikely that I was the first girlfriend he could find after sleeping with upwards of a dozen girls. So it's not that I ignored it, it's that I couldn't make sense of it in either direction.

 

I am still almost certain he'll end up in a monogamous relationship (heck, might be in one now, for all I know.) He was constantly saying how he'd grown to hate friends-with-benefits and really wanted something stable and a family and things.

 

 

How many of your past relationships cheated on you vs left you? Out of 7 or 8 relationships was it? And you're certain that all those other relationships are still together and there was no infidelity? We really need hard numbers to understand the truth of the situation.

 

5 out of 6. Cheating vs. leaving is hard to say; I only have solid proof of cheating in 2, but lots of rumors around the other 3. It seems the most common thread in the non-proven cheating ones were they might not have directly cheated, but had found someone else while dating me.

 

Out of the 5, 2 of them are still with the girl they left me for. 1 of the others is dating someone else, and has been happy/monogamous for several years. The second one had a long series of life events (going back to school, cancer, had a baby with a one night stand), and the third is my last ex who may be dating someone else (I don't keep tabs on his romantic life, aside from the occasional comment from mutual friends.)

[xxoo]

So while I believe people can control their impulses, it really depends on what their weak spot is, and the motivation behind controlling your impulse. If indulging in your impulse would actually gain you an advantage, or wouldn't effect you negatively, why would you resist it? If I could eat chocolate cake without ever getting fat, I couldn't comprehend why I wouldn't do it. If a guy could only gain from cheating (hotter sex with someone better, possible relationship upgrade, loss of current relationship would not effect them) why WOULDN'T they cheat?

 

Your example assumes an unsatisfied man. An unsatisfied man may be more likely to cheat, yes. I can't argue with that.

 

The consequence is ruining, or losing, a great relationship. Of course it would affect them; statistically, men benefit from relationships more than women.

 

Why be with a man who is unsatisfied? I know...you don't think you have a choice. I don't know what to say about that, other than suggest you discuss it with a counselor.

 

I still roll my eyes at the idea that I chased guys away by arguing. These guys obviously had no desire to even give me a chance... they started correcting me or insulting me the second I opened my mouth.

 

Ok, maybe they weren't earnest. But what about the other men who observe you? How often does it occur? How many people in your social group have never seen you act that way?