Negative Nancy Posted October 13, 2012 Posted October 13, 2012 If you are with a man but have a friend that is more attractive than you (or more his type or whatever), you can bet that he fantasized about banging her. Same goes for your sister, or any other female. Sure, he may not act on it, but the fact that he even has to "restrain himself" is disturbing to me. I agree with this and find it very disheartening too. You can believe what you want to believe but Most men regardless of their success rate with women measure that as the "pinnacle of success". When i say this i mean really attractive women, any many can sleep with dozens of ugly to average women. But Not every man can live the lifestyle of let's say George Clooney for example but if they could they would. Alot of men are successful with women, but there's a huge difference between the average mans success and having 10's, models, etc at your disposal like Entertainers. Most men aren't on that level Exactly. Most men would LOVE to live the player lifestyle (as in, banging hot supermodels every night). What's not to like about it as a man? Most successful men who are married, "committed" and "loyal" on the outside bang dozens of other women. Look at Tiger Woods, Spitzer etc. For all we know, Bill Gates is probably banging other women on the side too. And if he doesn't, he might be the famous exception - that doesn't make the rule, though.
xxoo Posted October 13, 2012 Posted October 13, 2012 Unless you're claiming men happily settle down and would never cheat on with ugly, stupid women? I swear to god, I know this couple....they are crazy in love, and think each other is SO HOT....and I think they are both super unattractive, and a little on the dumb side It happens all the time. 1
mesmerized Posted October 13, 2012 Posted October 13, 2012 And what is the big picture that I'm missing? I've said over and over that I can accept men are monogamous or dedicated to their partner when their partner is the absolute epitome of what they can get. I believe that XXOO's husband would never cheat, maybe not even fantasize all that much, because she is out of this world.... sexy, funny, smart, etc. She IS his fantasy, it doesn't get much better. But some of us out here are NOT the epitome of what a man could get. We are average, or even below-average, and yet still crave marriage and romance. So what then? How do you deal with being a below-average woman in a relationship? Do you just never enter into a relationship, because you know you'll never satisfy a man? Do you strive for an open relationship, where it is less of a disadvantage for you to be below-average? Unless you're claiming men happily settle down and would never cheat on with ugly, stupid women? Open relationship is not the solution for an undesirable woman. You either get lucky and find some guy that loves you regardless of your looks or date down significantly. Why do you think a lot of women date down in looks regardless of how they look? They know how shallow males are and are trying to minimize the possibility of being heartbroken and cheated on.
oaks Posted October 13, 2012 Posted October 13, 2012 Repetitious thread is repetitious. The benefits of being in a good relationship, for me, outweigh the benefits of cheating on a girlfriend. Sure, there are other attractive women ... But that's just an observation, not an act of treachery. 7
ThaWholigan Posted October 13, 2012 Posted October 13, 2012 Repetitious thread is repetitious. The benefits of being in a good relationship, for me, outweigh the benefits of cheating on a girlfriend. Sure, there are other attractive women ... But that's just an observation, not an act of treachery. Ah, but we are merely exceptions to the grand rule of man's hypocrisy of course . We can't possibly be telling the truth, we harbor the urge of chasing supermodels . 1
mesmerized Posted October 13, 2012 Posted October 13, 2012 Ah, but we are merely exceptions to the grand rule of man's hypocrisy of course . We can't possibly be telling the truth, we harbor the urge of chasing supermodels . I actually believe you guys are saying the truth about yourselves but what you guys fail to acknowledge is women's and specially V's experiences. Why should she believe otherwise when every man she encountered or dated was the same way and put her down the same way? Maybe for a very pretty woman she is enough for her husband, but apparently it was never the case for the op. Shes trying to make it work with what she has and although she is going about it the wrong way, she is not wrong for wanting a solution that works for her 1
IrishCarBomb Posted October 13, 2012 Posted October 13, 2012 It's always gender war in these posts, nothing really gets achieved or accomplished. It is not a gender war, it is a defense mechanism. The Last Psychiatrist: The Abusive Boyfriend 1
threebyfate Posted October 13, 2012 Posted October 13, 2012 So this is a topic I've been posting frequently on, because I just don't get it. I have been told, multiple times, that men are visual and it's in their biology to "appreciate" other women's looks. I've been told that being attracted to other people and getting crushes in a long-term relationship is natural, and I shouldn't be threatened by it.The bolded is an inflation of the element of finding someone attractive. If a partner's running around crushing on a regular basis, there's something wrong in the relationship. But when I naturally extended this to assuming that all relationships should thus be non-monogamous, I was shot down, to the point of being told that most of the male posters would dump me on the spot if I suggested such a thing.There's nothing natural about this extension. It's called inflation of issue and also assumption of extremity. So I really don't understand. How do you accept that your partner is constantly attracted/crushing on other women, but still wants to be monogamous? How does that make sense? How do you trust them when it seems like they're constantly being tempted, and it's "in their biology" to be always on the look-out for hot women? It's all by degrees. If your partner's running around crushing on women all the time, ditch and run. And when is your partner having a crush on another woman "natural," and when is it a red flag (and they are cheating and you should get yourself a good divorce lawyer)?And one more level cranked up, to create mountains out of molehills. So now, quick visual scans have been inflated to regular crushing and finally, the pièce de résistance, infidelity within a marriage!! verhrzyn, every time I eat a piece of chicken, does this mean I'm risking death by salmonella so it's best to avoid eating chicken? 1
oaks Posted October 13, 2012 Posted October 13, 2012 Ah, but we are merely exceptions to the grand rule of man's hypocrisy of course . We can't possibly be telling the truth, we harbor the urge of chasing supermodels . That's true... the urge stays in the harbour. Anyway, supermodel girl is visiting me tonight. No need to go chasing this one. 1
oaks Posted October 13, 2012 Posted October 13, 2012 I actually believe you guys are saying the truth about yourselves but what you guys fail to acknowledge is women's and specially V's experiences. Why should she believe otherwise when every man she encountered or dated was the same way and put her down the same way? While I can't deny her her experiences, if she's not prepared to believe at least a little of what anyone says then it would be pointless to ask questions about any of these things... yet she does, so I'm going to assume it's because she might just be prepared to believe that we aren't all liars. (V, sorry for talking about you in front of you... but I'm saying nice things.) 1
Woggle Posted October 13, 2012 Posted October 13, 2012 I actually believe you guys are saying the truth about yourselves but what you guys fail to acknowledge is women's and specially V's experiences. Why should she believe otherwise when every man she encountered or dated was the same way and put her down the same way? Maybe for a very pretty woman she is enough for her husband, but apparently it was never the case for the op. Shes trying to make it work with what she has and although she is going about it the wrong way, she is not wrong for wanting a solution that works for her I would tell her what people tell me. Take the filters off and stop looking for the worst in the opposite sex. Once I accepted the fact that my views were warped by bad experiences then I started to see things in a new light and I suggest she do the same. I am not knocking her because I have been there but I know it is not a healthy place to be. 2
Woggle Posted October 13, 2012 Posted October 13, 2012 Men fantasize about other women but women do the same about men. Are men supposed to freak out every time their wife or girlfriend goes to see Twilight or sees a movie with an attractive man in it? Just because these thoughts does not mean people can't be faithful and loyal partners. 2
SteveC80 Posted October 13, 2012 Posted October 13, 2012 (edited) Men fantasize about other women but women do the same about men. Are men supposed to freak out every time their wife or girlfriend goes to see Twilight or sees a movie with an attractive man in it? Just because these thoughts does not mean people can't be faithful and loyal partners. Exactly women are even creepier with their celebrity crushes..Plus women have bought music just because the band was cute and have voted preisdents in {Kennedy] because he was good looking lets stop the women dotn fantasize or arent visual or dont judge on looks thing. Problem is women want their cake and eat it too..I dont know how many relationships ive been in or seen with others with women loudly saying how hot a celeb is and the minute you point how who you think is cute she explodes "Oh so you like her better then me huh" Edited October 13, 2012 by SteveC80
Woggle Posted October 13, 2012 Posted October 13, 2012 To be fair I have seen men listen to Britney Spears just because she is attractive and some men wanted vote for Sarah Palin because of looks.
Anela Posted October 13, 2012 Posted October 13, 2012 (edited) That's a good post Nancy. Let me ask you this though... - Do you think Hugh Hefner has no problems or issues and is truly happy with his life? - Why do musicians then kill themselves, or professional athletes, when they had all the p@ssy in the world throwing themselves at them...young and old, by women who've decided it was "OK" just to fck them but impose every other standard on the guy they are dating and criticize them for being perverts for wanting to do the same thing?....because that makes sense right? after all It's a line of men you see chasing around female celebrities not women being the crazy psycho stalkers right? poor women, being led like cattle to chase all these popular and desirable men...It just isn't fair! - Why do men settle down then? only because they have to? what about family? love? romance? guys don't believe in it or want that? You know why women are truly pissed off? because men don't want to be monogamous and settle down with yo @ss! that's the truth. You wanted some random dbag guy to be in love with you, to share this "magic" and it didn't go the way you planned so boo-hoo bring out the box of tissues because this guy won't settle down with me or every other guy I wanted to be with because he's in his early 20's or just doesn't have the emotional level of interest. Oh no, a man isn't wired to attach to a woman's hip after he has sex with her and watching movies through netflix on the couch?...damn all you men out there....DAMN YOU! YOU ARE SOOOO SELFISH! No, no, blame the whole world of man because women insist on having a half-@ss relationship with any man they'd like to force and tie down into something even though he's freaking incompatible on every level yet you've convinced yourself (I swear to bob, it could be the most damn ridiculous relationship but no no no, can't walk away from this golden egg!) you are perfect for each other because you've known him for X amount of time and you've decided that this man needs to make his whole world revolve aroudn you to combat your dire levels of insecurity!, the only reality in a woman's mind is how they feel...not how he feels, not what he wants, now what you have together...with women it's always about me me me me me me me. And then out of the blue because they harbor all their emotions and keep their expectations tucked underneath because their too afraid to express themselves and want you to read their minds, out of the blue they like to lay a nice big sloppy cake called their emotions all bottled up from underneath and by surprise and plop it on the mans lap and say "eat it!....that's all yours, I decided to give it to you so this is real, and If you don't eat it you're just a damn jerk...you stuck your penis in my vagina and kissed me on the forehead and said you liked spending time with me, clearly that means you love me and want to grow old with me, so that's what you get! What you won't eat it? how dare you! how dare you not want all of what I have to give! It is such a great cake, it's the best cake in the world! how dare you just shun my big sloppy cake, you're such a jerk! How could you do this to me! I feel so mislead, abused, neglected because you never told me you didn't want my cake and IF you did I didn't think you actually meant it! ugh!!! this is so frustrating, why can't i just find a guy who likes me for me and yadda yadda yadda now I'm out of that relationship after being "strung along" because I have no free will, self-control or any sense because of my emotions I'll yet again decide that you know what I need right now? that's right, a rebound! but I'm going to call it just getting out there and not being in a rut, I'm going to take it slow this time, at least this is what I'll tell myself until I really start liking the guy two weeks later, such a surprise, and now I'm smitten with some other douchebag 3 weeks later after my last relationship ended because im tired of feeling alone and invalidated..and this what the smart thing to do!...and so the process repeats because now what happened and what I went through in the past in this new guys problem and responsibility even though he had nothing to do with it!" Every man out there, you must immediately marry the girl that is in love with you or thinks she is or could be right now..or YOU are stringing a girl along, I said now damnit, get on one knee and be monogamous and committed!!! No, there is no choices or free will, you HAVE to be in love with every woman who thinks she is in love with you or sees potential in you....now do it, this isn't about you or what you want, If a woman wants a commitment that's what she wants!!! You are merely a pawn in her grand scheme of what she thinks will make her happy! P.S. You're welcome guys And damn those of us women, who have avoided half-assed relationships as much as humanly possible, but we keep getting hit on by men in relationships!!! oh, yeah, we're soooooo awful! the men are innocently following their hormones. we're just the worst for telling them to suck it, walking away because we not only have respect for ourselves, but their partners as well, and then being told by their partners that we're jealous liars! the men then sit back and watch their partner fight for their cheating asses, and you wonder why we have trouble trusting the rest of you??? oh, right, you'd never do that to us, because we're so incredibly special. until we aren't, and you're trying to bang that girl over there. Some of us have been shown, over and over, that we do not matter. We're okay for now - or we would be, if we'd go along with it - but even when someone told my mother he was in love with me, it was my sister's boyfriend! he then denied it, and blamed it on alcohol and food poisoning. he admitted to using my sister, and being in love with me. I told him where to go, and my sister married him yesterday. we're also awful for turning down the guys who act like they have very right to harass us and bother us on the street, or wherever else we go. in our own ****ing homes, too, otherwise we aren't polite to our ****ing guests - just let them feel you up, it's no bother! we're just bitches for not having sex with you, or at least letting you cop a feel, because you bought us dinner, or maybe even just an ice cream! My boobs are everyone else's, so is my vagina - we were born this way for you to have your way with us, and nothing more! no relationships, no babies (your eyes get big, and you suddenly want to travel the world, when babies come up). why in the world would anyone not sleep with everyone in sight, just because they can??? I have a vagina, you have a penis, let's hook up!!! I don't have to like you, I don't have to even know you. pfft. (I know this doesn't apply to some of you, but I'm responding in kind.) Edited October 13, 2012 by Anela 1
xxoo Posted October 13, 2012 Posted October 13, 2012 (edited) Some of us have been shown, over and over, that we do not matter. We're okay for now - or we would be, if we'd go along with it - but even when someone told my mother he was in love with me, it was my sister's boyfriend! he then denied it, and blamed it on alcohol and food poisoning. he admitted to using my sister, and being in love with me. I told him where to go, and my sister married him yesterday. Why did she marry him?????? And soon (if not already), she'll be talking about how "all" men are this and that, based on the treatment she tolerated, accepted, and endorsed by marrying. If women do not have the strength to walk away from men who treat them poorly, they'll never know how well they could be treated. But just having some sexual thoughts, kept in the privacy of his own mind and not affecting his love and attraction for his own partner, is not poor treatment, imo. I'd be shocked if my H never had a sexual thought about my sisters. They are hot--why wouldn't he? But I'm not worried about it. Maybe I'm missing a woman gene, I don't know... Edited October 13, 2012 by xxoo 3
eleanorhurting Posted October 13, 2012 Posted October 13, 2012 well i have to admit i did not read the whole thread But i just wanted to congratulate V on dating someone. I am proud of you V.
irin Posted October 13, 2012 Posted October 13, 2012 there is no point getting emotionally involved with men, just smile and move on.
sweetheart5381 Posted October 13, 2012 Posted October 13, 2012 Interesting thread. We have one of 2 choices, either man or woman, doesn't matter. 1. Get upset that a man/woman is crushing on another and call them on it, ask them about it. If we know them well enough, we will find out the answer when we discuss it and either laugh at it or end it. 2. Get upset, never address it out of cowardice and accept the fact that it will go on forever in the relationship until it is truly addressed, if ever. I personally prefer communication. Direct communication.
SensitiveTJ Posted October 13, 2012 Posted October 13, 2012 I mentioned earlier that finding people attractive and wanting to be with them intimately are not the same thing. It's very possible, and I would argue, quite normal to judge a person's attractiveness and yet have no desire for sexual relations. Everyone I ever met does it every day, lol:laugh: So, to answer the original question: -If you expect that your SO will only ever want to be with you, love you, be intimate with you, crave emotional intimacy with you, and not with others, that's a perfectly reasonable expectation. In fact, all of these are the foundation of monogamy and generally contribute to health and stability in any relationship. -If you expect that you SO will only ever find YOU attractive...well, that's not going to happen. Every human being on the planet judges others on the basis of physical appearance. Men judge women, women judge men, hell men judge other men and women women. If there are people in this thread who claim they don't judge others on attractiveness they are either lying or a person with a supremely idiosyncratic style of human interaction. 1
TheBigQuestion Posted October 13, 2012 Posted October 13, 2012 I always knew that bitter, over-generalizing women would truly have their day on LoveShack.
Imajerk17 Posted October 13, 2012 Posted October 13, 2012 (edited) Sometimes V, I really think that overall, you are trying to build a relationship from a shaky foundation. It's clear from the way you talk about yourself on here that you don't like yourself, and so you are "hiding" in a relationship where you aren't happy. Or that you are projecting your own insecurities onto your partner's feelings towards you. e.g., "We both know that he's with me only because I'm his only option and that if he had other options, he would be with them instead. So with that in mind, how can we set this up so I get to keep this relationship?" It's like you feel you're better off in a mediocre relationship than alone. I mean, if you have a boyfriend, then that has to be some badge of your attractiveness, no? You might also be getting some romance, attention, and sex, and that's better than nothing, right? I don't agree. Especially because you are so young. I know some of amazing women who were single at 29, 32, 39, and 49, and yes, who found dating to be frustrating at times. But they were happy alone. And then because they were happy enough alone, when they entered into a relationship, it was a good one. I guess I am asking you to revisit why you are in this relationship. It doesn't seem like you are all that happy in it, and that you'd be better off alone. Edited October 13, 2012 by Imajerk17 1
Disenchantedly Yours Posted October 14, 2012 Posted October 14, 2012 Even if you are his greatest fantasy--in appearance and personality--he'll still have thoughts of other women. Like the Wholigan says, a lot of it is involuntary. Sex is on the brain due to biology, sexual thoughts are visually triggered due to biology, and triggers are everywhere. So you can be with a woman you consider your fantasy in every way, but when that coworker with the huge butt and tiny waist bends over, a sexual thought is triggered. Nevermind that you don't even like the coworker, and she is unattractive to you in other ways, and you wouldn't date her even if you were single..... Does anyone else every get tired of the old "biology" argument? Don't you ever get tired of saying it or hearing it yourself XXOO? Why is everything that happens between men and women chalked up to male "biology" and a woman needing to "overcome" it. Well F*ck that. I am sick of tired of always having to be the gender that needs to adapt and change and work on myself to fit into what men want. I am sick of being told over and over again that men haver certain "biologies" and how I need to be understanding of that. How about men start showing some understanding toward women? How about we start realizing that alot of women have to deal with this crap 24/7 where they can't even get away from it in their own homes, never mind out on the sidewalk or at work. How about we start acknowledging that? Biology biology biology... I get it! Men like other women sometiems more than their own partners sexually. Men like "new" and "different" and everything that they aren't familiar with. And women need to suck it up because it's male biology! However, guess what? This will never stop some women from having to deal with what that means for them and what it means in their relationship while they also deal with their natural "biologies" that sometimes work in counter affect to men's natural "biologies". But I am sick and tired of women being demanded to accept all kinds of things because of what is "natural" to men. I think it's time men start working on themselves if they really care about their partners. 1
Disenchantedly Yours Posted October 14, 2012 Posted October 14, 2012 As long as there is a complete bias and slandering of men that is typical in Verhrzn threads, then the response will be accordingly. It's easy to jump on one side of the fence as a gender and only look at what you're willing to see and oversimplify the acts and values of the other gender and determine they can achieve no further or that It is incomprehensible how men are wired and not "ok" and acceptable the way women are regardless of themselves typically imposing their own miseries. It's always gender war in these posts, nothing really gets achieved or accomplished. There is no end and very little understanding or acceptance of the big picture here, IMO It's ridiculous so much effort is placed on misunderstandings and personal opinions/perspectives when they are at best passive aggressive attacks. What is the big picture? Because to me, it seems like men want to do everything short of sleeping with other women, fantasize a good chunk of their lives, than expect a woman to be open, vunerable and loving toward him despite men repeatidly telling women about how much men need young women, how much men need variety or how much men think of anyone with pubic hair. Give women a break! 2
Disenchantedly Yours Posted October 14, 2012 Posted October 14, 2012 I always knew that bitter, over-generalizing women would truly have their day on LoveShack. Please. there isn't even as much vitrol in this post as half the stuff some of the guys around here post. Women here don't make posts about how men are too poor, too short, too old on a regular basis. Infact, this thread is about women who see some issues regarding their partner's attraction to other women. Not about calling men names or writing men off because of arbritary factors. 1
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