Revolver Posted October 12, 2012 Posted October 12, 2012 Yes, doesn't make sense to me either... I bet even men cannot come up with a satisfactory explanation because there is none The truth is, most men are only monogamous because they have no other choice. Look at those men who actually have women throwing themselves at them: usually they take on the player lifestyle and change women more often than their underwear. If ALL men had those options, you can bet no man would settle down with a woman. Usually men also don't "dream" about settling down, men's talks among themselves usually revolves around "hot girls", "getting laid", "nailing b****s" etc. You don't find men dreaming about their wedding day to the extent women do, instead they are probably dreaming about having a harem or something like that, and you can bet that even on your wedding day he is undressing your best friend in his mind or pictures bending the wedding waitress over and banging her. That's men for you, charming ain't it So my advice is, don't get too attached to one man, always keep in mind that one day he is going to screw you over when the opportunity presents itself. Men want variety, this is what we are constantly told on here, yet when we try to accept this fact and live with it, we are chased down with pitchforks. Of course this isn't true for ALL men, but I honestly believe this is true for most(especially younger men). Guys tend to go by the dating options they have. If a guy can sleep with alot of attractive women and not settle down, he tends to do that. Why does Hugh Hefner sleep with so many women? Because he can. And if most guys could do that you'd be a fool to think they wouldn't 3
xxoo Posted October 12, 2012 Posted October 12, 2012 Of course this isn't true for ALL men, but I honestly believe this is true for most(especially younger men). Guys tend to go by the dating options they have. If a guy can sleep with alot of attractive women and not settle down, he tends to do that. This is a problem of dating insecure men, or men unsuccessful in dating. A secure man, who knows he can get women in bed, but wants this woman, will settle down happily. Settle down, not "settle". Yes, that probably comes more often with age, if it comes at all. 7
mesmerized Posted October 12, 2012 Posted October 12, 2012 Probably suited to accept your partner wanting other women by realizing it's human nature to be attracted to others, men tend to regard women as visuals not human beings, and it's highly unlikely for a woman to have a male partner where she's the main star of his attraction. Probably better suited to have little trust in your male partner as it seems men are only as faithful as their opinions. Probably best suited to consider it a red flag when your partner has or can have the opportunity to indulge in a temptation. My ex used to tell me alllll the time : "you are my fantasy". Probably not very true but I do believe at least for a while I was the main star of his attraction.
Revolver Posted October 13, 2012 Posted October 13, 2012 My question For the TS is....Why are you with guys like this? 1
xxoo Posted October 13, 2012 Posted October 13, 2012 My ex used to tell me alllll the time : "you are my fantasy". Probably not very true but I do believe at least for a while I was the main star of his attraction. When it is the case, it is easily apparent. If it seemed sincere, it probably was!
Disenchantedly Yours Posted October 13, 2012 Posted October 13, 2012 Probably most, at least on occasion. But that doesn't mean they'd prefer to be with them than with you. Doesn't really mean they wouldn't either though now does it? Women are suppose to accept that her man wants to bang other women. But you are still suppose to feel all warm and cozy to your man despite this. Yeah, that's completely fair. This is why it's better to be a man's fantasy than his actual girlfriend/wife. 3
ThaWholigan Posted October 13, 2012 Posted October 13, 2012 Doesn't really mean they wouldn't either though now does it? Women are suppose to accept that her man wants to bang other women. But you are still suppose to feel all warm and cozy to your man despite this. Yeah, that's completely fair. This is why it's better to be a man's fantasy than his actual girlfriend/wife. I don't really think you understand the nature of fantasies to be honest. It's not about "wanting to bang other women". A lot of the time it is involuntary, at least in my case there were women I fantasized about that I shouldn't have and attempted not to indulge and succeeded most of the time. 1
Disenchantedly Yours Posted October 13, 2012 Posted October 13, 2012 I don't really think you understand the nature of fantasies to be honest. It's not about "wanting to bang other women". A lot of the time it is involuntary, at least in my case there were women I fantasized about that I shouldn't have and attempted not to indulge and succeeded most of the time. Sometimes it is. Infact, a lot of guys says it helps them not to phyiscally cheat on their partners. Apparently if men didn't have things like porn and fantasies, a lot more men would cheat. Although I personally believe there is some level of cheating going on when men overtly indulge in a lot of porn or fantasy.
ThaWholigan Posted October 13, 2012 Posted October 13, 2012 Sometimes it is. Infact, a lot of guys says it helps them not to phyiscally cheat on their partners. Apparently if men didn't have things like porn and fantasies, a lot more men would cheat. Although I personally believe there is some level of cheating going on when men overtly indulge in a lot of porn or fantasy. That only counts if their SO is not having sex with them. Either way, I'm obviously not going to convince you so I'll leave it there, I'll just say that I completely disagree.
Disenchantedly Yours Posted October 13, 2012 Posted October 13, 2012 That only counts if their SO is not having sex with them. Either way, I'm obviously not going to convince you so I'll leave it there, I'll just say that I completely disagree. Who said it only counts if they are not having sex? I disagree with your disagreeing
SensitiveTJ Posted October 13, 2012 Posted October 13, 2012 I think the mistake the OP is making is assuming that finding another person attractive="wanting them" sexually. Now I can only speak for myself, but for me that is not the case. I walk out my door every morning and see literally hundreds of females I find attractive. But do I dump my girlfriend and go running to every one of those "attractive" girls? No. That's not how it works. By analogy...I have a nice painting I quite enjoy hanging over my fireplace. If I wanted to, I could probably find another painting which displayed superior skill on behalf of the painter, but again I don't do that. Because the one on the wall right now, is the one I like. And that's really all there is to it. I have an emotional connection to my girlfriend and to my painting and that definitely trumps any physical attraction to another woman. To conclude: Making a judgment on a person's physical features simply doesn't equal "wanting to sleep with them." It just doesn't. If you are that insecure about this concept, I would suggest examining how much emotional intimacy you're developing in your relationship. Maybe that's a bigger problem. 1
Mme. Chaucer Posted October 13, 2012 Posted October 13, 2012 Originally Posted by Disenchantedly Yours Sometimes it is. Infact, a lot of guys says it helps them not to phyiscally cheat on their partners. Apparently if men didn't have things like porn and fantasies, a lot more men would cheat. Although I personally believe there is some level of cheating going on when men overtly indulge in a lot of porn or fantasy. So, this is a change … if they are doing it covertly, then, it's fine with you these days? Why is that? 1
Eternal Sunshine Posted October 13, 2012 Posted October 13, 2012 Not ALL men are like this but an overwhelming majority. I grew up with a brother close to my age an have many male friends. I know how (most) men think. If you are with a man but have a friend that is more attractive than you (or more his type or whatever), you can bet that he fantasized about banging her. Same goes for your sister, or any other female. Sure, he may not act on it, but the fact that he even has to "restrain himself" is disturbing to me. 6
Eternal Sunshine Posted October 13, 2012 Posted October 13, 2012 Not ALL men are like this but an overwhelming majority. I grew up with a brother close to my age an have many male friends. I know how (most) men think. If you are with a man but have a friend that is more attractive than you (or more his type or whatever), you can bet that he fantasized about banging her. Same goes for your sister, or any other female. Sure, he may not act on it, but the fact that he even has to "restrain himself" is disturbing to me. P.S. Like OP, I would find an open relationship more honest than a constant secret desire for other women. 1
darkmoon Posted October 13, 2012 Posted October 13, 2012 i was in an open relationship, we drifted into it, him more than me, but i knew he liked me, i could call him and he would be there for me but if you feel insecure about open rels, then they're not for you
Ninjainpajamas Posted October 13, 2012 Posted October 13, 2012 Yes, doesn't make sense to me either... I bet even men cannot come up with a satisfactory explanation because there is none The truth is, most men are only monogamous because they have no other choice. Look at those men who actually have women throwing themselves at them: usually they take on the player lifestyle and change women more often than their underwear. If ALL men had those options, you can bet no man would settle down with a woman. Usually men also don't "dream" about settling down, men's talks among themselves usually revolves around "hot girls", "getting laid", "nailing b****s" etc. You don't find men dreaming about their wedding day to the extent women do, instead they are probably dreaming about having a harem or something like that, and you can bet that even on your wedding day he is undressing your best friend in his mind or pictures bending the wedding waitress over and banging her. That's men for you, charming ain't it So my advice is, don't get too attached to one man, always keep in mind that one day he is going to screw you over when the opportunity presents itself. Men want variety, this is what we are constantly told on here, yet when we try to accept this fact and live with it, we are chased down with pitchforks. That's a good post Nancy. Let me ask you this though... - Do you think Hugh Hefner has no problems or issues and is truly happy with his life? - Why do musicians then kill themselves, or professional athletes, when they had all the p@ssy in the world throwing themselves at them...young and old, by women who've decided it was "OK" just to fck them but impose every other standard on the guy they are dating and criticize them for being perverts for wanting to do the same thing?....because that makes sense right? after all It's a line of men you see chasing around female celebrities not women being the crazy psycho stalkers right? poor women, being led like cattle to chase all these popular and desirable men...It just isn't fair! - Why do men settle down then? only because they have to? what about family? love? romance? guys don't believe in it or want that? You know why women are truly pissed off? because men don't want to be monogamous and settle down with yo @ss! that's the truth. You wanted some random dbag guy to be in love with you, to share this "magic" and it didn't go the way you planned so boo-hoo bring out the box of tissues because this guy won't settle down with me or every other guy I wanted to be with because he's in his early 20's or just doesn't have the emotional level of interest. Oh no, a man isn't wired to attach to a woman's hip after he has sex with her and watching movies through netflix on the couch?...damn all you men out there....DAMN YOU! YOU ARE SOOOO SELFISH! No, no, blame the whole world of man because women insist on having a half-@ss relationship with any man they'd like to force and tie down into something even though he's freaking incompatible on every level yet you've convinced yourself (I swear to bob, it could be the most damn ridiculous relationship but no no no, can't walk away from this golden egg!) you are perfect for each other because you've known him for X amount of time and you've decided that this man needs to make his whole world revolve aroudn you to combat your dire levels of insecurity!, the only reality in a woman's mind is how they feel...not how he feels, not what he wants, now what you have together...with women it's always about me me me me me me me. And then out of the blue because they harbor all their emotions and keep their expectations tucked underneath because their too afraid to express themselves and want you to read their minds, out of the blue they like to lay a nice big sloppy cake called their emotions all bottled up from underneath and by surprise and plop it on the mans lap and say "eat it!....that's all yours, I decided to give it to you so this is real, and If you don't eat it you're just a damn jerk...you stuck your penis in my vagina and kissed me on the forehead and said you liked spending time with me, clearly that means you love me and want to grow old with me, so that's what you get! What you won't eat it? how dare you! how dare you not want all of what I have to give! It is such a great cake, it's the best cake in the world! how dare you just shun my big sloppy cake, you're such a jerk! How could you do this to me! I feel so mislead, abused, neglected because you never told me you didn't want my cake and IF you did I didn't think you actually meant it! ugh!!! this is so frustrating, why can't i just find a guy who likes me for me and yadda yadda yadda now I'm out of that relationship after being "strung along" because I have no free will, self-control or any sense because of my emotions I'll yet again decide that you know what I need right now? that's right, a rebound! but I'm going to call it just getting out there and not being in a rut, I'm going to take it slow this time, at least this is what I'll tell myself until I really start liking the guy two weeks later, such a surprise, and now I'm smitten with some other douchebag 3 weeks later after my last relationship ended because im tired of feeling alone and invalidated..and this what the smart thing to do!...and so the process repeats because now what happened and what I went through in the past in this new guys problem and responsibility even though he had nothing to do with it!" Every man out there, you must immediately marry the girl that is in love with you or thinks she is or could be right now..or YOU are stringing a girl along, I said now damnit, get on one knee and be monogamous and committed!!! No, there is no choices or free will, you HAVE to be in love with every woman who thinks she is in love with you or sees potential in you....now do it, this isn't about you or what you want, If a woman wants a commitment that's what she wants!!! You are merely a pawn in her grand scheme of what she thinks will make her happy! P.S. You're welcome guys 1
Disenchantedly Yours Posted October 13, 2012 Posted October 13, 2012 I have never seen you write so much bs in one post Ninja. 2
xxoo Posted October 13, 2012 Posted October 13, 2012 Doesn't really mean they wouldn't either though now does it? Women are suppose to accept that her man wants to bang other women. But you are still suppose to feel all warm and cozy to your man despite this. Yeah, that's completely fair. This is why it's better to be a man's fantasy than his actual girlfriend/wife. Even if you are his greatest fantasy--in appearance and personality--he'll still have thoughts of other women. Like the Wholigan says, a lot of it is involuntary. Sex is on the brain due to biology, sexual thoughts are visually triggered due to biology, and triggers are everywhere. So you can be with a woman you consider your fantasy in every way, but when that coworker with the huge butt and tiny waist bends over, a sexual thought is triggered. Nevermind that you don't even like the coworker, and she is unattractive to you in other ways, and you wouldn't date her even if you were single..... P.S. Like OP, I would find an open relationship more honest than a constant secret desire for other women. "Constant secret desire" misrepresents it, I think. Constant desire to have sex with another woman, or just any other women, is a problem. Dozens of random, disjointed sexual thoughts--experienced and forgotten in a matter of moments--is very different. 2
Ninjainpajamas Posted October 13, 2012 Posted October 13, 2012 I have never seen you write so much bs in one post Ninja. As long as there is a complete bias and slandering of men that is typical in Verhrzn threads, then the response will be accordingly. It's easy to jump on one side of the fence as a gender and only look at what you're willing to see and oversimplify the acts and values of the other gender and determine they can achieve no further or that It is incomprehensible how men are wired and not "ok" and acceptable the way women are regardless of themselves typically imposing their own miseries. It's always gender war in these posts, nothing really gets achieved or accomplished. There is no end and very little understanding or acceptance of the big picture here, IMO It's ridiculous so much effort is placed on misunderstandings and personal opinions/perspectives when they are at best passive aggressive attacks. 2
Revolver Posted October 13, 2012 Posted October 13, 2012 The musicians,athletes, entertainers who are unhappy or kill themselves make up a very small percentage of the overall celeb men who are happy livin the life. People only say stuff like that to shame people or to make themselevs feel better. It's in the same vein as poor people saying "well all those rich people deep down Aren't really happy":laugh: 2
ThaWholigan Posted October 13, 2012 Posted October 13, 2012 My dad always says to me I will never understand a woman. I think that women do not understand men either 2
Eternal Sunshine Posted October 13, 2012 Posted October 13, 2012 Ninja is standing up for men! How cute
Eternal Sunshine Posted October 13, 2012 Posted October 13, 2012 The musicians,athletes, entertainers who are unhappy or kill themselves make up a very small percentage of the overall celeb men who are happy livin the life. People only say stuff like that to shame people or to make themselevs feel better. It's in the same vein as poor people saying "well all those rich people deep down Aren't really happy":laugh: I think that most measure player lifestyle as a pinnacle of male success. However, those guys are usually the ones who don't do well with women (for whatever reasons) and have limited options. They are also deeply insecure and imagine that sort of lifestyle as "the holy grail". On the other hand, guys who have had enough looks/charisma/confidence to attract large number of women usually see that such a lifestyle is not "all that". 1
Author verhrzn Posted October 13, 2012 Author Posted October 13, 2012 As long as there is a complete bias and slandering of men that is typical in Verhrzn threads, then the response will be accordingly. It's easy to jump on one side of the fence as a gender and only look at what you're willing to see and oversimplify the acts and values of the other gender and determine they can achieve no further or that It is incomprehensible how men are wired and not "ok" and acceptable the way women are regardless of themselves typically imposing their own miseries. It's always gender war in these posts, nothing really gets achieved or accomplished. There is no end and very little understanding or acceptance of the big picture here, IMO It's ridiculous so much effort is placed on misunderstandings and personal opinions/perspectives when they are at best passive aggressive attacks. And what is the big picture that I'm missing? I've said over and over that I can accept men are monogamous or dedicated to their partner when their partner is the absolute epitome of what they can get. I believe that XXOO's husband would never cheat, maybe not even fantasize all that much, because she is out of this world.... sexy, funny, smart, etc. She IS his fantasy, it doesn't get much better. But some of us out here are NOT the epitome of what a man could get. We are average, or even below-average, and yet still crave marriage and romance. So what then? How do you deal with being a below-average woman in a relationship? Do you just never enter into a relationship, because you know you'll never satisfy a man? Do you strive for an open relationship, where it is less of a disadvantage for you to be below-average? Unless you're claiming men happily settle down and would never cheat on with ugly, stupid women? 3
Revolver Posted October 13, 2012 Posted October 13, 2012 (edited) I think that most measure player lifestyle as a pinnacle of male success. However, those guys are usually the ones who don't do well with women (for whatever reasons) and have limited options. They are also deeply insecure and imagine that sort of lifestyle as "the holy grail". On the other hand, guys who have had enough looks/charisma/confidence to attract large number of women usually see that such a lifestyle is not "all that". You can believe what you want to believe but Most men regardless of their success rate with women measure that as the "pinnacle of success". When i say this i mean really attractive women, any man can sleep with dozens of ugly to average women. But Not every man can live the lifestyle of let's say George Clooney for example but if they could they would. Alot of men are successful with women, but there's a huge difference between the average mans success and having 10's, models, etc at your disposal like Entertainers. Most men aren't on that level Edited October 13, 2012 by Revolver 1
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