whatheheckhappened Posted October 12, 2012 Posted October 12, 2012 new to site and searching for answers. im a 36 yr. old male and she is 30. we dated for approx a month an half. we met online and she intiated contact. we emailed for a while and first date was drinks and a bite to eat. she pursued 2nd date a week later. turned out to be take out food at my place where the relationship became intimate..no intercourse tho. 2 weeks later i called an we had a 3rd date where we met at her place an went out to dinner.. i wound up staying at her place overnite where we were intimate..taking it further but no intercourse. the relationship was building emotionally, intimately an physically. The following weekend we then took our courtship to the next level with her spending an entire weekend at my place..cooking dinner, walks in the park with her dog..doin fun things, an taking our relationship to the next level by having intercourse. She met my parents that weekend b/c they live in the same neighborhood..it wasnt planned. She then invited me to meet her family the following weekend out of state. I hesistated at first but she texted me the following day and said it's good with the family and an to let her know. So i traveled out of state and hour and half the following weekend and met her family. Stayed one nite, had dinner with the family, watched a movie...took a walk with her and her dog, played board games with the family..slept in the same bed, was respectful and had a great time...the following day when i left we made plans for the following weekend. She did mention the past 2 weekends being "intense" and i said agreed but was glad it happened. she said "it is what it is." When i left that day...she walked me to my car and we kissed...as i got into the car she asked for "one more." We texted back and forth later that evening and i gave it a couple days to breath. i called her 2 days later about the upcoming weekend and she didnt pick up..so i left a message. She called me back the next evening and ended it, saying "its not you, its me..she liked me and thought i was sweet..but the relationship was not progressing." I asked if something happened when i visited her family? She said "no, my family liked u...and that no guy has met her family since her last boyfriend 3 years ago." We wished each other the best and hung up. I am thinking of reaching out b/c i thought we had a great connection. however, i am prideful and dont want to be needy but i need more clarity. any suggestions?
River Rain Posted October 12, 2012 Posted October 12, 2012 We texted back and forth later that evening and i gave it a couple days to breath. i called her 2 days later about Probably because of this. If I'd been intimate and intense with a guy and we'd gotten to the stage of meeting family, then he decided to cut off contact for 2 days, I'd be wary of his interest. Just my opinion based on what you've said.
NavyAirTraffic Posted October 12, 2012 Posted October 12, 2012 Wow, that sucks!! Initial stages, everything going great, and she walks away. It's still way too new to have developed deep feelings for her so I would try to talk to her to see if you not contacting her was the reason she left. Was she in a long relationship/had her heart broken before you? This sounds like rebound behavior. Just someone to hang out with until they realize they need to be alone. I say give it a shot, give her a call, tell her why you didn't contact her for 2 days and see what happens. If she's cold or firm on her stance about not being with you then you can let it go. One piece of advice, dont ask why!! You won't get the truth, and even of you did it's irrelevant.
Author whatheheckhappened Posted October 15, 2012 Author Posted October 15, 2012 thanks river rain and navyairtraffic. i dont think i was a rebound. we did meet on Match.com so maybe she met someone else??? however, i dont understand the inviting me to meet the family bit. and when we last kissed i woulda never thought that would be the last time i saw her. i cant call her...b/c i erased all her texts and number as not to be enticed to call or text her and look needy. she ended it....however, things are just not adding up. i am thinking of shooting her an email? what do you guys think? thanks
River Rain Posted October 15, 2012 Posted October 15, 2012 thanks river rain and navyairtraffic. i dont think i was a rebound. we did meet on Match.com so maybe she met someone else??? however, i dont understand the inviting me to meet the family bit. and when we last kissed i woulda never thought that would be the last time i saw her. i cant call her...b/c i erased all her texts and number as not to be enticed to call or text her and look needy. she ended it....however, things are just not adding up. i am thinking of shooting her an email? what do you guys think? thanks If you engage, she will push you away even further, or you'll end up in an argument, you'll just reopen the wound and feel hurt again. Sometimes there are no answers, I think you should just accept it and move on. It's hard, I had to do it, but it can be done!
KathyM Posted October 15, 2012 Posted October 15, 2012 I'd suggest you let her go. She's decided you are not a match for whatever reason. But learn for next time--don't let long gaps go between contact with her, or she'll either lose interest, think you're not interested enough, or find someone else to fill up that time that you are not filling. And make your dates fun and exciting without all the heavy physical intimacy early on, which makes a lot of women feel that is all you are interested in them for is to bed them.
Author whatheheckhappened Posted October 15, 2012 Author Posted October 15, 2012 i was always under the impression from learning from previous scenarios that didnt work...that you dont chase....be unavailable sometimes...makes you look like you have life...be somewhat of a challenge. abstinence makes the heart grow fonder.?????
salmagundi Posted October 15, 2012 Posted October 15, 2012 abstinence definitely doesn't make my heart grow fonder... oh...and leave the games to players...I mean for one thing whenever attraction is real you don't need to play games because there is nothing you can do to **** it up. And remember if you know about all these PUA tricks well...she has internet access to. She probably figured you were playing stupid games with her and didn't have time for that crap. sorry...but it is what it is...
Author whatheheckhappened Posted October 20, 2012 Author Posted October 20, 2012 just a little update...its been 14 days of not reaching out. i wouldnt say complete no contact b/c we are on the same dating site and i see when she is online. i guess that is somewhat stalking. i thought originally she had met someone else...but recently she is online constantly. so i guess it was something about me she didnt like. which is steering me to reach out...b/c one would think that i can make her like me...i can change. am i an idiot?
fucpcg Posted October 20, 2012 Posted October 20, 2012 If she doesn't know what she wants at age 30, be careful, take it from a 42 year old. When you are 30+ it is a normal reaction to grab it and run with it when you believe you found exactly what you are looking for. If it makes her run away, then you should do the same. I'd say I suspect she isn't truly over an ex if she wasn't on the dating site full time again, those to don't go together. I recently had a date with a 46 year old, and it was probably the best first date ever had in my life. She pursued me till I finally accepted a date, as I'm still hesitant after a last breakup. Finally we met to watch a soccer game with no discussion of anything following, then spent 8 hours together instead until dropping her at home about midnight. If I counted all the times she touched me, brushed against me, love tapped me, etc I'm sure it would have been 30 times plus. She made no effort to see or communicate with me for about two weeks after that night. Finally after rejecting another offer to meet over a weekend, I said to her you obviously went cold, and I'm not interested in chasing anyone, so if you feel you want to try again at some point let me know. She just about broke out in tears saying sorry I am wonderful but she isn't over her ex of about 3 years ago. I said I understand, but I'm going thru the same thing and need to keep moving forward. And that was that. She's NOT back on the dating site, she's just disappeared. Absolutely wonderful woman, but I know better than to chase, especially after the first date. I did that a couple times in my 20's, and merely delayed the inevitable.
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