Drseussgrrl Posted October 12, 2012 Posted October 12, 2012 I just wanted to post and say that I feel I have indeed gotten over some proverbial hump in my healing. It would not have been possible if I hadn't gone NC with my ex. For two months after breaking up, he would constantly "like" things on my FB which leads me to believe I was still on his mind a lot. But I never broke down and contacted him. If he wants to reach me, he's got my number and dammit, I deserve more than the breadcrumbs of FB likes to get my full attention again. About a month and a half after our breakup my friends saw him at a party. I guess he was talking about reaching out to me again, but my bestie told him not to unless he was willing to make a full-on go of this thing (he wasn't ready to commit to a relationship, going through a divorce, etc). So I can only imagine he took that to heart which explains his silence. I have learned that I don't deserve some wishy-washy, ambiguous sitch where he can enjoy all of the good parts about me with no responsibility outside of that. I'm holding firm in that belief and the more I read on here about how much anguish it brings for dumpees to get caught up in these holding patterns, the more I'm grateful for the fact that I've been able to move on through the beauty of NC. I've maintained my dignity, my self-respect, and it's becoming more and more clear as time goes on just how much I was settling for by remaining in a sitch that wasn't meeting my needs. Feeling grateful and happy today, and at peace despite the pain I endured having to walk away from someone who really did make me happy despite his issues. Happy Friday! 7
Author Drseussgrrl Posted October 12, 2012 Author Posted October 12, 2012 I imagine it's because people clicked on it and hoped I'd be all "OMG YOU GUYS! NC WORKS! WE'RE BACK TOGETHER!" LOL But the thing is - I don't want him back. The allure is gone. I look back on our r'ship and it was just all fun and games to him, and once my feelings got involved for real, he bolted. I don't know how he expected to become a part of my life, with my friends, coworkers, my birthday, concerts, trips with friends, texting me good morning every day, laughing, off-the-charts sex - and for me to be simply robotic and keep my feelings in check. I tried playing it cool. No pressure. Always happy to see/hear from him. A soft place to land. Never initiated texts or phone calls. Allowed him to pursue me to the nth degree, which he did. And don't get me wrong I had the time of my life when I was with him. But with space and time, I look back and see that the substance of what we were was empty. He wasn't truly involved in my life - just for the fun stuff. Well you don't get just the awesome part of me - you get all or nothing. And now, he's got nothing. NC all the way. 1
JSJS Posted October 12, 2012 Posted October 12, 2012 Well done! I'm glad you have healed and this should be a lesson for us all. I wish I had followed through on NC. Breaking it was a disaster... I long for peace and happiness. Oh well, I've just completed day 1
NoMoreJerks Posted October 12, 2012 Posted October 12, 2012 But the thing is - I don't want him back. The allure is gone. I look back on our r'ship and it was just all fun and games to him, and once my feelings got involved for real, he bolted. Who are you and were you dating my ex? Seriously, my ex did the same. He wanted the fun and games, but no feelings/commitment. He said so clearly. He kept telling me "it's not fun anymore", etc. I tried playing it cool. No pressure. Always happy to see/hear from him. A soft place to land. Never initiated texts or phone calls. Allowed him to pursue me to the nth degree, which he did. And don't get me wrong I had the time of my life when I was with him. But with space and time, I look back and see that the substance of what we were was empty. He wasn't truly involved in my life - just for the fun stuff. Just like me... that's exactly what I did. And it's the only way to really deal with people like our ex'es...I don't think we could've done anything different/better.. They just didn't want a relationship and however else we had handled it wouldn't have made a difference. Well you don't get just the awesome part of me - you get all or nothing. And now, he's got nothing. NC all the way. Exactly. That's what I've been doing. 1
NoMoreJerks Posted October 13, 2012 Posted October 13, 2012 I have learned that I don't deserve some wishy-washy, ambiguous sitch where he can enjoy all of the good parts about me with no responsibility outside of that. I'm holding firm in that belief and the more I read on here about how much anguish it brings for dumpees to get caught up in these holding patterns, the more I'm grateful for the fact that I've been able to move on through the beauty of NC. I've maintained my dignity, my self-respect, and it's becoming more and more clear as time goes on just how much I was settling for by remaining in a sitch that wasn't meeting my needs. EXACTLY. You go, girl! Glad you are feeling better.
Recommended Posts