lovecash Posted October 12, 2012 Posted October 12, 2012 NC for 1 month, dumpee after a 4.5 year relationship. I think me and the ex need to transition from NC to LC. For number of reasons (we live on the same block, same circle of friends, me secretly wanting to get back together with her), I think we need to transition into LC. I see her randomly around town all the time so I want to be mature about this and not have it be weird when we do see each other. What is the best way to do this?
lvixen Posted October 12, 2012 Posted October 12, 2012 When you see her, just be cordial, say hello, how are you, and that's it. No need to be rude about it. Other than that, stay NC, otherwise you're just dragging your pain on with no end in sight. However, I'm sure you're going to be in for a major let down if you think contacting her again will result in you two getting back together. Just the fact that you said that you secretly want her back shows that NC is a good idea for you. It's going to take most people longer than a month to get over someone they loved. 2
veggirl Posted October 12, 2012 Posted October 12, 2012 You want to use it to get back together with her? You are going to get burned... bad idea. You should stay NC.... I mean if you see her walking down the street you don't need to turn and run the other way, you could say "hey" but keep going.......no texting or calling or chit chatting, obviously that is just going to screw you up. 1
NoMoreJerks Posted October 12, 2012 Posted October 12, 2012 NC for 1 month, dumpee after a 4.5 year relationship. I think me and the ex need to transition from NC to LC. For number of reasons (we live on the same block, same circle of friends, me secretly wanting to get back together with her), I think we need to transition into LC. I see her randomly around town all the time so I want to be mature about this and not have it be weird when we do see each other. What is the best way to do this? What's LC?
KatZee Posted October 12, 2012 Posted October 12, 2012 Don't do it. You're the dumpee. Whatever you "think" right now, is wrong. It's your heart speaking, not your brain. You're trying to rationalize it to yourself that it's OK to try to weasel back into her life. There's nothing rational about it. The only reason I believe from that list you wrote is that you want to try to get back with her. As the dumpee, making moves, and scheming plans, only makes you look weak and desperate. If she wanted you back, and if she wanted to transition from NC to LC, she'd be the one pursuing you right now. She ended it. Loud and clear, she doesn't want you. She's not thinking about how she wants to make things less awkward, she's not worried about the mutual friends you guys have, she's not concerned that you live on the same block. Do you know what she's doing? Living her life. She's not trying to get you back. Bad bad idea if you do this. 3
Chi townD Posted October 12, 2012 Posted October 12, 2012 See, people just don't get it. When we tell people to go NC, it doesn't mean that you HAVE to agree to NEVER see that person again EVER in your life. You need to stay in NC UNTIL you have NO romantic feelings for that person anymore. That when you see that person; all you feel is indifference. If you see her while you still have feelings, you're not gonna heal; it's gonna hurt. If you are at a party or a BBQ with your circle of friends and you finish a beer and you walk into the kitchen to grab another beer and your Ex is in there kissing another guy. That is gonna hurt. It's gonna burn you. Just stay NC until all the romantic feelings for your Ex is gone.
Author lovecash Posted October 12, 2012 Author Posted October 12, 2012 As much as you people are probably right-- I think this is a mistake I am going to have to make on my own.
Chi townD Posted October 12, 2012 Posted October 12, 2012 Well, I hope that we're wrong. BUT!!! If you ever need help just let me know. I'll come to where you're at and I'll wack you in the nuts with a baseball bat a few times. It will probably be less painful than what you're setting yourself up for. 3
Drseussgrrl Posted October 12, 2012 Posted October 12, 2012 Don't do it. Don't do it. Don't do it. You're setting yourself up for a whole buttload of suck and any attempt you make to remain "friendly" is going to be so transparent. Sorry but you just can't hide feelings and the vibe you put out is going to look needy. Stay away until you're healed. It's usually by then that they end up rearing their heads again anyway. 2
Calico Posted October 12, 2012 Posted October 12, 2012 As much as you people are probably right-- I think this is a mistake I am going to have to make on my own. Like all the others you have posted about, and regretted. At some point you'll need to discontinue your habitual (re)actions if you want truly different results. Just a few days ago you talked about how much better you feel with NC (and shortly before that you were agonizing over wanting her back), why jeopardize that progress now? This is addictive clinging and projecting. But you're not ready to let this go, and that's all right. One day.
suladas Posted October 13, 2012 Posted October 13, 2012 I can relate a lot to wanting to get back to that, my ex lives next door. I tried the whole talking again a bit thinking it was simply to become friends or whatever. It didn't work, and really I told myself it was for being neighbors, but really it was still trying to get back together (good chance THEY think that to). I completely understand where you are coming from, and still seeing them and them being so close hurts. The only time I believe you can go back to friends, neighbors whatever is when you're completely over them, and try contacting them about it and if they don't you simply won't care. Or if you see her out just try casually talking to her like a friend and see what happens. It hurts, but if she knows how you feel the only thing to do is let more time pass and heal. Plus what i've come to realize is how do you know they ever want to speak to you again or become friends again?
Svet74 Posted October 13, 2012 Posted October 13, 2012 Im in NC with my ex and we have the same friends and such. well he owes me money and i feel like i have to remind him every three weeks about it. So il break nc for that reason. then he says he needs more time. im ticked off. should i just forget it?
Simon Phoenix Posted October 13, 2012 Posted October 13, 2012 Im in NC with my ex and we have the same friends and such. well he owes me money and i feel like i have to remind him every three weeks about it. So il break nc for that reason. then he says he needs more time. im ticked off. should i just forget it? How much money? A significant amount?
veggirl Posted October 13, 2012 Posted October 13, 2012 Im in NC with my ex and we have the same friends and such. well he owes me money and i feel like i have to remind him every three weeks about it. So il break nc for that reason. then he says he needs more time. im ticked off. should i just forget it? Yes forget about it, unless it is like thousands of dollars, in which case small claims court or something. But in general, don't lend money you can't afford to lose, and never lend money in romantic situations to a boyfriend or girlfriend! Bad idea. Lesson learned...
antelope82 Posted October 13, 2012 Posted October 13, 2012 dont do it, especially if you want to get back. you will be burned. my roommate and i both have gotten burned recently. in my case, i didnt even want to get back with her, but it still hurts to be in contact with her with shattered memories. in my roommate's case, he broke NC after 3 months and it's burned him badly after his "last-ditch" effort to win her back failed. limited contact just opens the doors for mixed-signals and hopeless false hopes.
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