KansasChica Posted October 12, 2012 Posted October 12, 2012 How do you get over the fact that your whole relationship was a lie? That the person you dated just mirrored you- wasn't their true self. He admitted in the end to always telling me what I wanted to hear- after I was so intimate with him and told him things I'd never told anyone. I trusted him. I was cruelly devalued and discarded at the end. He never did that when we dated. Then, he never reached out, blamed me for everything, accused me of things, played the victim, and now, acts so cold. He and his best friend have convinced friends (used to be mine as well) that I'm basically a horrible person. I just can't believe I was so blinded and so duped. I really really want to find someone again, but I feel so closed off. I mean, I had trust issues beforehand, and now I'm having a hard time believing that I will be able to let someone in again.
Mcnulty Posted October 12, 2012 Posted October 12, 2012 Am so sorry you're in this situation. The issues are with him, not you, please tell yourself this, it's the truth. He mirrored you...shallow individual with no scruples. Maybe he just used you to get what he wants, that makes him a b-stard in my book. You did nothing wrong. Nothing at all. Hold your head up high and learn from it. He's in the minority here, I promise. Take some time out for you..get to know you and be sure of what you want from a future relationship. This is a one off, I assure you.
lvixen Posted October 12, 2012 Posted October 12, 2012 He sounds an awful lot like my ex, who was a narcissist. Are they the same person by chance? Anyways, I can imagine you're in a lot of pain right now, but do realize it's for the best. Time will heal your wounds, and believe me, you'll be able to trust again. In the mean time, just cut him off completely, and go NC if you haven't already. You'll feel better soon, I promise!
Author KansasChica Posted October 12, 2012 Author Posted October 12, 2012 It's weird. I always thought narcissists were outgoing and charming, but he's neither. He was materialistically narcissistic- always had to have the best, but not outgoing at all. Quite shy and liked to put himself down a lot (he put others down as well) and for some reason, I ignored that.
mtnbiker Posted October 12, 2012 Posted October 12, 2012 Take this situation and use it in the future. You now have another tool. You stated that you can now see it in hindsight, so remember to keep that newly formed section of your "radar" in tune from the start. I'm sure you know this, but trust isn't to be given, it's to be earned...daily.
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