Ivc Posted October 12, 2012 Posted October 12, 2012 (edited) hi , I'm really need your advice here: I started dating with a nice girl two weeks ago and I like her. It went well (at least for her) and we are almost friends. She is very pretty and smart and amazing but I'm not fully attracted to her. I'm trying to love her but I can't. In the first days with her I thought about other girl (and that other girl doesn't want me :/ ) I know that the right answer is to talk to her , but than she will dump me. I'm almost 25 (In november :] ) and I had never been in a relationship and I realy want a girlfriend... I guess that the fact I had never been in a relationship is causing other people to think that something is not ok with me. I'm also not glad with this situation and I want a girlfriend as soon as possible. Maybe a lot of men will say that I need to take it easy and do the talking only after several weeks and only after doing everything with her (like sex). But I don't want to hurt her , N-E-V-E-R. I think that I'm nervous when I'm around her and also confused. I need to decide what to do as fast as possible (or it will be more complex). I will feel more comfortable If she is also think the same and doenst want somehing too serious (she had more than one short relationships - each less than 2 weeks. so there is a hope here) , but for now Its seems that she wants me - and more than I do. So I want her because I want a girlfriend (and yes she is amazingg and sometimes I indeed want her) , but I don't love her. I feel stupid that I am writing this post , but this is what I'm feel thanks , Ignore the English mistakes Edited October 12, 2012 by Ivc
River Rain Posted October 12, 2012 Posted October 12, 2012 You've only been seeing her for 2 weeks, it's not abnormal not to love her yet! You have to give it time. You say you think she's amazing and you want her, isn't that good enough for you after only 2 weeks? Not everyone falls madly head over heels in love with a person from just dating for a few weeks. Try not to think in terms of black and white. I know you have no experience with relationships, but it's important not to rush into something and insist that you must love her after a few weeks. Keep spending time together, it's not a race, just enjoy the dating process! 1
Author Ivc Posted October 12, 2012 Author Posted October 12, 2012 (edited) You've only been seeing her for 2 weeks, it's not abnormal not to love her yet! You have to give it time. You say you think she's amazing and you want her, isn't that good enough for you after only 2 weeks? Not everyone falls madly head over heels in love with a person from just dating for a few weeks. Try not to think in terms of black and white. I know you have no experience with relationships, but it's important not to rush into something and insist that you must love her after a few weeks. Keep spending time together, it's not a race, just enjoy the dating process! She is amazing its a fact. But I want her for the wrong reason (I just want girlfriend). Yes I have no experience with relationships and its bad , but there were other girls that I knew for sure that I want them (no doubt about this). And while I'm writing it , I'm thinking about the other girl that I asked her out and she didnt want (yes I'm still thinking about her.. for months...she is maybe not "amazing" or look good as the girl in the post , but I want her for sure). In this situation (the post) I don't feel the same. I don't feel that this relationship is right (Yesterday I avoided meeting with her :/) . But I don't want to end it , not now (there is still a possibility that I want her and I just a little afraid because its my first relationship...). Eventually I will tell her , but first I want an advice :/ Edited October 12, 2012 by Ivc
CarrieT Posted October 12, 2012 Posted October 12, 2012 So I want her because I want a girlfriend This is SO the wrong reason to want a girlfriend. I don't feel that this relationship is right (Yesterday I avoided meeting with her :/) Go with your gut. But I don't want to end it , not now (there is still a possibility that I want her and I just a little afraid because its my first relationship...). Eventually I will tell her , but first I want an advice :/ The advice is to end it sooner, rather than later. Don't hurt her by hanging on to something you ultimately don't really want. Seriously. You don't have to fall in love immediately, but you keep bringing up this other girl. The one you are involved with will be hurt that much more. Be a better person than that and do her and yourself a favor. End it now. 1
River Rain Posted October 12, 2012 Posted October 12, 2012 In this situation (the post) I don't feel the same. I don't feel that this relationship is right (Yesterday I avoided meeting with her :/) . But I don't want to end it , not now (there is still a possibility that I want her and I just a little afraid because its my first relationship...). Eventually I will tell her , but first I want an advice :/ Well, I'll be blunt based on what you wrote above, and sorry if it offends you...you are stringing her along and kind of being selfish? If the relationship doesn't feel right, you have to end it. You say you don't want to for a just-in-case scenario...that's not fair to her because she may develop feelings for you and you'll end up hurting her. 1
Quiet Storm Posted October 12, 2012 Posted October 12, 2012 You have to let her go. What you are doing is not fair to her. She was not put on this earth to play a role in your life (girlfriend). She is a real person with real feelings and deserves someone that genuinely likes her.
Author Ivc Posted October 12, 2012 Author Posted October 12, 2012 Maybe I wrote this post in a way that causes you to be angry at me , but I am not really like this. I already told her that something is not right (before I wrote this post) and I am going to meet her tomorrow . I wrote this post because I didn't agree with my friends( they don't want me to end it so soon) and I am happy with the replies here. I really care about her , and I am doing what's right.
todreaminblue Posted October 12, 2012 Posted October 12, 2012 hi , I'm really need your advice here: I started dating with a nice girl two weeks ago and I like her. It went well (at least for her) and we are almost friends. She is very pretty and smart and amazing but I'm not fully attracted to her. I'm trying to love her but I can't. In the first days with her I thought about other girl (and that other girl doesn't want me :/ ) I know that the right answer is to talk to her , but than she will dump me. I'm almost 25 (In november :] ) and I had never been in a relationship and I realy want a girlfriend... I guess that the fact I had never been in a relationship is causing other people to think that something is not ok with me. I'm also not glad with this situation and I want a girlfriend as soon as possible. Maybe a lot of men will say that I need to take it easy and do the talking only after several weeks and only after doing everything with her (like sex). But I don't want to hurt her , N-E-V-E-R. I think that I'm nervous when I'm around her and also confused. I need to decide what to do as fast as possible (or it will be more complex). I will feel more comfortable If she is also think the same and doenst want somehing too serious (she had more than one short relationships - each less than 2 weeks. so there is a hope here) , but for now Its seems that she wants me - and more than I do. So I want her because I want a girlfriend (and yes she is amazingg and sometimes I indeed want her) , but I don't love her. I feel stupid that I am writing this post , but this is what I'm feel thanks , Ignore the English mistakes Sounds like you are rebounding if you still have thoughts about this other girl...if this other girl was to suddenly want you, i am sure that you would want to be with her......and date her.It isnt right just to date someone because you want a relationship and what river rain said about loving someone does develop over time and that you should enjoy the dating process....BUT......only if you enjoy that persons company and are not thinking crap i dont want to hurt her she is so into me but i am not into her........if it has only been two weeks it is the right time for you to decide what you really want.....and if its a relationship for the sake of having a relationship let her go....dont lead her on so her feelings for you deepen...cut her loose and date when you are ready and you really feel happy being single......best wishes....ps your spelling wasn't that bad.......im a dyslexic typist....we all make mistakes...deb
JayL Posted October 12, 2012 Posted October 12, 2012 (edited) Let me share my little story to you. July 17, 2012 , I saw a girl at the mall who I had found very attractive, I went up to her, introduced myself and asked if she wanted to go for coffee. We went out twice to 3 times a week. August 11, 2012 , she became my girlfriend. Her and I spent so much time together, almost everyday, good sex, laughter, did things together, we were on cloud 9 (or at least I was) and introduced each other to our families and I slowly realized that I was starting to fall for her and I was starting to see a potential future with her. I felt something too strong towards her that I do not recall feeling in the past. August 19, she invited me over to her cousin's place to babysit her niece, we walked around the park, just her, me and her 1 year old niece, as if we were a new family. I kept telling myself "Have I really found her? After all these years that I've been in relationships that lasted for years and years just for it to fail in the end? Have I finally found the one?" September 3, 2012, She messaged me to come over, there I was so excited to see her. I got to her place, kissed her, she did not kiss back, she was acting weird... until she told me the very similar things that you just stated. That she was never sure, that she was only 50% into it, that she's interested and wants to be with me but she can't find that connection to stay in a relationship with me. I broke down in tears in front of her. We broke up, I was crushed and I am still picking up the pieces of my shattered heart. Now, I hate her with all I've got. Let her go as early as now. Edited October 12, 2012 by JayL
bonespockirk Posted October 13, 2012 Posted October 13, 2012 yep you sound like my exboyfriend. except ive allowed him to string me along for 2 years before he did the whole thing of 'i realize that you are not what i want' ' i was confused this whole time and felt pressured and rushed'... i told him that if i was a different girl he would not feel rushed but he would want to be with me. :/ you did a good thing by breaking it off with this girl as opposed to using her for a few years til to gain the balls to approach other girls.
River Rain Posted October 13, 2012 Posted October 13, 2012 Maybe I wrote this post in a way that causes you to be angry at me , but I am not really like this. I already told her that something is not right (before I wrote this post) and I am going to meet her tomorrow . I wrote this post because I didn't agree with my friends( they don't want me to end it so soon) and I am happy with the replies here. I really care about her , and I am doing what's right. It's not about anger towards you, it's just a little frustrating to read that you were intentionally stringing her along when she obviously isn't the girl for you, simply because you wanted a girlfriend. I think the answers you got were realistic, and I'm very glad that you are talking with her to end things - at least this is what I'm assuming.
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