PyroBunny Posted October 12, 2012 Posted October 12, 2012 Good Day! I would really like to get male and female opinions on the question below. Thanks in advance! Is it okay for a guy in a commited relationship to add new female friends (girls that the girlfriend hasn't met yet and girls that he has not known for very long) on his facebook or Blackberry messenger (to chat to)? I'm not implying that men can't have female friends, but aren't there boundaries when you are in a relationship and chatting to new female friends or adding them on facebook? My personal opinion is that I don't like it. I would atleast like to meet this new female friend first and get to know her. His older female friends from school and work that where there before me don't bother me at all. What do you think?
january2011 Posted October 12, 2012 Posted October 12, 2012 I think this is a personal preference question and depends on your own boundaries and what you've agreed in your relationship with your partner. If he has given you any cause to doubt his fidelity then I think you might be well within your rights to be curious about any new women entering his life. Especially if he is spending a lot of time maintaining that connection and prioritises it over you. If all he is doing is just chatting with people on and off or just adding people without investing much time in the connection, I don't think there's much substance for you to make demands of any kind. Certainly, I think that demanding that you meet the female friend comes across as controlling and paranoid in this instance. Regardless of the nature of your relationship, I don't think partners can have automatic veto rights over new friendships. What are you going to do if he allows you to meet her and you don't like her? Are you going to demand that he remove her from his Facebook and stop all contact? There's nothing in your OP to suggest that you should be concerned. Perhaps a little wary but definitely not overly concerned to the point of demanding to meet and get to know these new friends of his.
darkmoon Posted October 12, 2012 Posted October 12, 2012 (edited) if i am a female friend to a guy that has a girlfriend or one i don't fancy, i dress in a drab way, and am very nice to his girlfriend of they're around, some men prefer convos that aren't about sport or tits, we have one such guy in our circle who says this, he likes female company it is if you feel like dates with him are merely appointments for sex and/or that he doesn't put you first, and as a man in love he should, then he is not up to much some men i've known see girlfriends as pains in the ass over fretting about female friends, at which point i suggest he screws them and leaves me to get a better more thoughtful kind man if you are unhappy = red flag Edited October 12, 2012 by darkmoon
sweetkiwi Posted October 12, 2012 Posted October 12, 2012 don't worry. When you should be worried you'll know. But its completely natural for people in relationships to form new friendships. Don't smother him or he'll leave you for sure.
HeldbyGravity Posted October 12, 2012 Posted October 12, 2012 Adding on Facebook? I don't give a darn about that, personally. Maybe it bothers some people, but Facebook is so impersonal. I mean, people add me Just Because they went to my high school. Sometimes I add them just to see what happens, sometimes I don't. Other people do the same. If he Always adds people only when he wants to get to know them personally, I guess THEN would be a time to be a bit wary, but really. It's Facebook, not a date invitation. Like the person above me said, just don't sweat stuff like this, it comes off as overbearing/insecure when we do, and that is NOT attractive in a person. 1
Author PyroBunny Posted October 16, 2012 Author Posted October 16, 2012 Thanks for the replies, really appreciate it. Yeah, I guess I was just making a mountain of a mole heap. He is the kind of guy that is friends with everyone. So I guess he is just being himself. I was just a little upset because the one girl he had on his Blackberry chat is 2 years younger than me and I am 9 years younger than him. They work at the same place but not always the same shifts. I was just feeling that why would they want to chat on bbm? But I saw the chats and it was mostly forwarding jokes and just general chats. So yeah, I don't want him to think I'm a jealous girlfriend that won't allow him to have female friends. Thanks! 1
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