lovehurts5 Posted October 12, 2012 Posted October 12, 2012 Soo quick recap: Got out of a 4 year relationship at the end of April, saw and slept with him at the end of May (well that's where this gets confusing..), he tried to contact me at the end of June but I didn't answer because he completely hurt me (emotionally), he had texted his friend (my friends husband) saying how he only wanted to be broken up for a month and how he was upset. Then 100 days NC (beginning of Sept.) he texts me and we made small talk. His friend just passed away so I texted him my condolences Wednesday. Here's where i'm stupid... he texted me yesterday and wanted to hook up strictly to hook up. I've wanted to for so long (he was the last person I had sex with but not the last for other stuff) and I can't bring myself to sleep with anyone else. So he came over and it was completely awkward. He was high. Kissed me only once and was telling me how nervous he was. Then we had sex. Then he asked me about school... and then he kissed me on the cheek and told me he'll probably go missing in action now just to warn me. I said ok. and he left..... I know that i'm stupid..... It's wierd because I don't have a happy/satisfied feeling but I'm also not incredibly upset. There was no meaning behind any of it which hurts. I kind of just feel wierd... I can't describe it...
dreamstate83 Posted October 12, 2012 Posted October 12, 2012 I hate to say it but you were pretty much used for sex, and so that's the feelings you are dealing with right now. He went to you because you were more familiar to him. I'd do your best to wash yourself clean of someone like that. Even if he didn't intend to hurt you by anything, it's clearly a toxic situation. Best of luck 1
Author lovehurts5 Posted October 12, 2012 Author Posted October 12, 2012 Yeah I know that's exactly what it was... it's not a good feeling. Like I wanted to do it but I was picturing it to happen completely differently. It's very toxic. He's most definitely not the guy I used to know... sucks a whole lot.
NavyAirTraffic Posted October 12, 2012 Posted October 12, 2012 I don't think it was stupid of you. It was something you wanted, it sounded like you had no other expectations, it wasn't as good as before. Yea it hurts a bit now but maybe better in the long run. Your last memory is now of awkwardness, you weren't satisfied with this experience. Maybe the fantasy will begin to die a bit and help you move on, and maybe you won't have this urge again in the future because it wasn't satisfying. I hope it works that way for you. Also a guy that smokes weed, shows up high???? Come on man!!
geegirl Posted October 12, 2012 Posted October 12, 2012 You are not stupid, don't beat yourself up about it. You reacted on emotions. It's normal. This is possibly what you needed to let go of those last bits of romanticizing the ex and what you had. Sometimes you need one harsh lesson to get you to the point of "enough is enough" and I hope this is it. He used you and you have to remember that. Let this last encounter be your last and one that stays in your mind. Showed up high? Love, you must be strong and accept that this is never going to be good for you. Visualize putting it all in a box, locking it and throwing it all away. Let this episode set you free, as painful as it is.
Author lovehurts5 Posted October 12, 2012 Author Posted October 12, 2012 I really appreciate your responses. I actually had a really good day today because I realized that the person he showed me yesterday was not the person I hold in my heart. I hope ill be smart enough to push him away if the opportunity arises again. Just trying to stay positive...
Author lovehurts5 Posted October 12, 2012 Author Posted October 12, 2012 And with him coming over high, that was always something that bothered me. He said "I never smoke anymore I just did today" I was thinking... I'm not that stupid.
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