seemenow Posted October 12, 2012 Posted October 12, 2012 Long story short. We dated on and off for about 5 years. We finally ended things last year around this time. We stayed friends and in contact for the most part. Since then she got a boyfriend. She told me about 6 months ago that things weren't going too well between them and she started to ask for more time with me. We eventually started seeing each other again at that time. We slept together. She told me she still had feelings for me, still loved me, missed me and that things were going to end between her and her boyfriend. Jump to 2 weeks later. Still seeing each other but no word on her ending things with her boyfriend. I finally asked her about him and she just shut down. Didn't give me anything and I assumed she had no intention of leaving him. I gave her a few more days, she was still with him. I felt guilty, angry, hurt. We got into a huge fight and she stopped talking to me for a week. I ended up going on a business trip to France around that time and when I got back she would not return my phone calls or texts. Finally she called me one day and I confronted her about what happened between us. She got really defensive and mean-saying that what happened between her and I was just sex, and she was never trying to decide on who she wanted to be with. She told me that she loved her boyfriend and never wanted to be with me again (even though weeks before she said she still loved me) I got really pissed off at this, accused her of using me, etc. Got angry and emotional and hung up the phone feeling stupid. Since then, I have tried to figure out why she had the change of heart between us. Tried to figure out if she was just using me and had no intention of leaving her boyfriend. And I tried to figure out how I could still love and want her after this. I have asked to talk to her about things since then, but she just shuts down. We rarely talk anymore, and when we do she treats me like a step above a stranger. We have been so close for the last 5 years and now this. I don't know how to take it. I know you all are going to tell me to go no contact and I know I probably should, but I would just like some more insight on what you think about my situation. I have backed off lately-If i don't call her, she usually texts or calls me after a few days-but again she is distant. How do you think she will react if I start to act non-caring and distant like she is with me? Do you think she will just go away and not give it a second thought?
dreamstate83 Posted October 12, 2012 Posted October 12, 2012 If you want to go the "good guy" route you could simply tell her that talking to her in this state is very painful and that you need to move on. No harm in saying that if you are already talking. And of course you're right, that's where you decide to go NC and try to get over it. There really isn't much else you can do to be honest. But when you do go NC make sure you don't respond to the pointless little messages that she will inevitably send. You can never make someone view you the way you desire, you can only give them distance and let them decide on their own.
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