Jingle14 Posted October 12, 2012 Posted October 12, 2012 Woke with a start at 5am this morning, very unsettled and upset, with 'him' right at the forefront of my mind and I just can't seem to shake it, 5 hours later. And now the sun has come out, another bloody autumn day, and this is when I am susceptible to wanting to make contact (I won't but I am aware I am thinking ahead to when I might). The dream was so very vivid, I had invited him and the bitch who replaced me - and who clearly gives him what I didn't and is a much better person and proposition than me! - to my house, she was plain, butch-looking, fat and old and I was shouting at him, and swearing, so angry. He looked at her so proudly and very affectionately said 'she could have her pick of any man'. I was just so angry and he was so calm and indifferent, he obviously adored this woman (as he once did me). And now I have that horrible knot back in my chest. It's 16 months for God's sake, will I ever be over this?! I'm getting worse!
Exit Posted October 12, 2012 Posted October 12, 2012 I feel the same. Have dreams about my ex almost every night. Hard to have a good day when it starts out with waking up and feeling miserable. Eleven and a half months for me and I feel like I'm getting worse too. And now the gauntlet of Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Years to deal with.
Author Jingle14 Posted October 12, 2012 Author Posted October 12, 2012 I feel the same. Have dreams about my ex almost every night. Hard to have a good day when it starts out with waking up and feeling miserable. Eleven and a half months for me and I feel like I'm getting worse too. And now the gauntlet of Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Years to deal with. I swore I would never waste another tear on that bastard but, seeing a sunny forecast for the weekend, I burst into tears earlier knowing that he and this bitch - who is from his running club - if they are still together, will be making plans to go running together. I need to get a grip but am finding it so very, very difficult today. I completely understand about the forthcoming gauntless of events - we spent Halloween 2 years ago huddled up together in a gorgeous cottage in Yorkshire, and the evening itself listening to ghost stories in a beautiful tea room in the village where the Bronte family lived. I have never been happier, in fact I was so happy that I cried and he was so shocked as I was renowned in the social group I met him through as being a bit of an ice queen who never cried (and I didn't). The end of November - when you have your Thanksgiving - we spent in another cottage in the middle of the countryside and, when we woke, snow had fallen on this beautiful landscape, the first snow of winter. Christmas was like a dream. By February, the dream was over (and it's my birthday on Valentine's Day, not easy). We then got back together in the spring, which makes seeing daffodils - which we used to buy for each other - unbearably painful, by the end of June it was over for good. I hate it all. every single day. And so many people say 'let him go', 'get over it', 'move on' as if they think I want to feel like this! Who would?! If only it was that easy!
Exit Posted October 12, 2012 Posted October 12, 2012 Yeah, I know what you mean about the weather. I like the outdoors this time of year. Sometimes I step out of the house and enjoy what a beautiful day it is for about 5 seconds, until it saddens me that I can't spend it with my ex. I'd almost rather stay inside and ignore the good weather. Same with the holidays. I fear that the best way I can cope with them is just to stay inside and try to pretend they aren't happening. Our stories seem to share some big similarities. My ex and I had also split up for a few months and got back together. As much as I was happy for that 2nd try, I think I'd probably be much farther along now if I had just dealt with the first breakup and given up. It hurts a lot more after a second attempt. I understand completely. Of course you don't want to feel like this. I know I would move on and feel better if I could, and I'm sure you would too. I don't know what can be said for people like you and I, who have given it a lot of time. We're long past the stage of just being over-dramatic and thinking we will never feel better just a few weeks after the breakup. But 11 months? 16? When is this going to stop? 1
Author Jingle14 Posted October 12, 2012 Author Posted October 12, 2012 Yeah, I know what you mean about the weather. I like the outdoors this time of year. Sometimes I step out of the house and enjoy what a beautiful day it is for about 5 seconds, until it saddens me that I can't spend it with my ex. I'd almost rather stay inside and ignore the good weather. Same with the holidays. I fear that the best way I can cope with them is just to stay inside and try to pretend they aren't happening. Our stories seem to share some big similarities. My ex and I had also split up for a few months and got back together. As much as I was happy for that 2nd try, I think I'd probably be much farther along now if I had just dealt with the first breakup and given up. It hurts a lot more after a second attempt. I understand completely. Of course you don't want to feel like this. I know I would move on and feel better if I could, and I'm sure you would too. I don't know what can be said for people like you and I, who have given it a lot of time. We're long past the stage of just being over-dramatic and thinking we will never feel better just a few weeks after the breakup. But 11 months? 16? When is this going to stop? I've not been out of the house since Wednesday afternoon, I am lucky and can work from home when I'm not at head office. This way I can ignore the weather and the season. I had to go out tonight though as my son wanted me to take him for tea. All a bit much though and I had tears again when I got home, twice in one day and I said I never would for him again. As for when it will end, I only wish I knew. I would never wish we hadn't got back together though, I do think I'd feel much worse had he not given us another chance. I just wish he'd had more backbone to stick with it as the problems were all circumstantial (both going through divorces, his especially difficult and stressful but my home life no picnic either). What a waste.
Blastoplast Posted October 12, 2012 Posted October 12, 2012 I had a dream 3 months after a B/U where we were together for 7 years... I play in a band and I dreamt that before a show I tried killing myself. I took a whole bottle of advil before the gig so that I would die on stage. Well, the show starts and we're playing, but midway through a song my knees buckle and I'm on my hands and knees vomiting up all these pills I swallowed... only they weren't pills. They were orange marbles, and the size of dimes. Amber colored marbles, in fact. My girlfriends name was Amber, and I took the dream as she was suffocating me and slowly killing who I was, even if she wasn't trying to. Just be thankful you're not having crazy dreams like that.
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