chnkyfnky Posted July 29, 2004 Posted July 29, 2004 OK, well i've read alot of posts on here bout rebound relaitonships but I need some advice. The posts that I have read said that as long as you have open communication and take it slow it should be ok. Which we are very open and honest and really want to take it slow, but somehow cant. Well here is the situation.. I met a man a month ago who had just been out of a 12 year marriage for two months. He has dated other women since his ex left him. We met and everyday since then we've been together every night or on the phone every day. His search for other women to "have fun" with have stopped. We are alot alike, finish eachothers sentances, and feel the same way about alot of goals in our lives, as well as how our children are raised. He came over last night crying saying that we had to slow this down because the last thing he wanted to do was hurt me or my boys. In one month I have the feeling of Love, as well as he, but I've been out of my past marriage for 18 months and I'm ready for different things. He said he has to go slow cause although he cares bout me like I do him, he is not ready for what I am. Which I agree. But I'm willing to stick around for a while because this man is one in a million. He eneded up staying the night just holding me and after I fell asleep he told me he did not sleep but he just watched me. This morning when he left he cried and cried and held me sooo tight saying he did not want to leave. He has emailed me all day long and told me how he hurts. My response to him was why does it hurt if were just going slow? His response was, we've been together every day, talked everyday, emailed everyday, the thought of you not being there or not talking to you today kills me, as well as the thought of when I'll see you next. I told him how I felt and said have a nice evening. I wont call him. He needs his space. So my question? Is this a rebound or is this the perfect match at the wrong time?
well Posted July 29, 2004 Posted July 29, 2004 Originally posted by chnkyfnky OK, well i've read alot of posts on here bout rebound relaitonships but I need some advice. The posts that I have read said that as long as you have open communication and take it slow it should be ok. Which we are very open and honest and really want to take it slow, but somehow cant. Well here is the situation.. I met a man a month ago who had just been out of a 12 year marriage for two months. He has dated other women since his ex left him. We met and everyday since then we've been together every night or on the phone every day. His search for other women to "have fun" with have stopped. We are alot alike, finish eachothers sentances, and feel the same way about alot of goals in our lives, as well as how our children are raised. He came over last night crying saying that we had to slow this down because the last thing he wanted to do was hurt me or my boys. In one month I have the feeling of Love, as well as he, but I've been out of my past marriage for 18 months and I'm ready for different things. He said he has to go slow cause although he cares bout me like I do him, he is not ready for what I am. Which I agree. But I'm willing to stick around for a while because this man is one in a million. He eneded up staying the night just holding me and after I fell asleep he told me he did not sleep but he just watched me. This morning when he left he cried and cried and held me sooo tight saying he did not want to leave. He has emailed me all day long and told me how he hurts. My response to him was why does it hurt if were just going slow? His response was, we've been together every day, talked everyday, emailed everyday, the thought of you not being there or not talking to you today kills me, as well as the thought of when I'll see you next. I told him how I felt and said have a nice evening. I wont call him. He needs his space. So my question? Is this a rebound or is this the perfect match at the wrong time? Hey sweety, I think what you are doing is good.. Let him have his space. And things will work it self out. Good luck hon..
chicasha Posted July 29, 2004 Posted July 29, 2004 I think it might be a good match, at the wrong time. Yeaah...give him his space...don't call for a while. I think he's still really emotional about his ended marriage, but he does need to get over that, so that he doesn't treat you like a rebound (even tho it may be unintentional). I wouldn't write him off....cos he might be a great guy like u said. But..even great guys can do not-so-great things to great gals..when timing is wrong. get what I mean...?? I'll keep my fingers crossed for you....ur doing the right thing..and u seem to have a good head on ur shoulders, in that ur able to look at the situation and think w/ ur head and not entirely with your heart. That's good..keep it up....go slow...give him space...when he does call you, then be there for him...don't shut him out. He might need that emotional support right now from you. But....at the same time.....wait until his emotional baggage has decreased with time to see what his real intentions are. Right after the end of a long relationship....people's perceptions might not be clear, in terms of what they want. Even tho he says he wants you......you need to wait it out more to see if he still wants this when he's done working thru his crisis. You don't want to be a crutch for him, that he'll throw away once he's feeling better. NOt saying he's that type of man...but I know some men who have don e that...so just speaking from what I know. good luck with him....i'm hoping it goes well!!
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