he's texted me after dumping me for the 9th time and wants to meet - what do i do?

[kt959]

hey guys,

 

really hope you can help with this one. background - knew this guy for a few years as our kids went to school together. we became great friends earlier this year and it moved onto a very romantic relationship. he was still attached and i knew his ex relatively well. i was attached as well. i ended my relationship and he moved out and we thought it'd be smooth sailing. problem was that he's an amazing father and couldn't bear being away from his children. . . so he spent every waking moment with them. his work suffered and time with me dwindled. last week, he dumped me for the 9th time. this has happened almost every 2-3 weeks since we got together as he previously felt he couldn't lead a double life. this time was because he can't juggle kids, work, all of the change (he's living with his mother) and i was the thing that had to give. it's been brutal as we were best friends as well, constantly texting, phoning, having a fantastic time when we are together, so with this latest break up i decided to go NC. it's been the worst week of my life as he's my best friend. i have felt lost. there'd been no contact since monday until yesterday when he texted me. he's asked to meet me as a friend and watch the game together. i can't quite understand why he'd contact me when he dumped me and i can't understand how we can be friends when we were deeply in love. what am i meant to do??? i love this man dearly and it broke my heart when i saw him staring and smiling at me a few days ago in town. i can't help but think this text is as a result of seeing me and me turning away because it was so painful. do i go? if i do, i really believe we will get back together. help!!!!

[january2011]

Ignore and block. Nine times of rejejcting you is way over the limit. Once should be enough. I disagree that he is your best friend if he can break your heart nine times. This guy doesn't know what he wants, but he's willing to hurt you while he tries to figure it out. Run, far far away.

[NoMoreJerks]

hey guys,

 

really hope you can help with this one. background - knew this guy for a few years as our kids went to school together. we became great friends earlier this year and it moved onto a very romantic relationship. he was still attached and i knew his ex relatively well. i was attached as well. i ended my relationship and he moved out and we thought it'd be smooth sailing. problem was that he's an amazing father and couldn't bear being away from his children. . . so he spent every waking moment with them. his work suffered and time with me dwindled. last week, he dumped me for the 9th time. this has happened almost every 2-3 weeks since we got together as he previously felt he couldn't lead a double life. this time was because he can't juggle kids, work, all of the change (he's living with his mother) and i was the thing that had to give. it's been brutal as we were best friends as well, constantly texting, phoning, having a fantastic time when we are together, so with this latest break up i decided to go NC. it's been the worst week of my life as he's my best friend. i have felt lost. there'd been no contact since monday until yesterday when he texted me. he's asked to meet me as a friend and watch the game together. i can't quite understand why he'd contact me when he dumped me and i can't understand how we can be friends when we were deeply in love. what am i meant to do??? i love this man dearly and it broke my heart when i saw him staring and smiling at me a few days ago in town. i can't help but think this text is as a result of seeing me and me turning away because it was so painful. do i go? if i do, i really believe we will get back together. help!!!!

9 times?!?!? Are you serious?!?! And you still don't know what to do? Don't let the door hit him on the way out!!! Ignore the mssges, and move on with your life. You deserve better than the constant threat of break-ups looming over your head. That's no way to live or have a relationship, really. My ex kept doing that. It's emotional blackmail, as simple as that. You don't need that.

[mammasita]

I believe 100% in second chances, but 9 times is 7 times too many. My advice is to leave him alone.

[geegirl]

Someone needs to shake you really hard to wake you up. I'm sorry to be harsh but you are the one perpetuating your own pain.

 

9 times? And I am sure each and every time for those 9 times, just before you went back you asked that same question, "Maybe this time we get back together? And here you are, for the 10th time asking the same question again.

 

He can't juggle, therefore, you always get the shaft because you are the OPTION. Everything else comes first, it's priority in his life, except YOU. You always get thrown to the wayside for later use. You get picked up when there is a need. What do you not see?

 

He was great friend, but he makes a lousy partner. It doesn't mean that just because he is a great father and a great friend, he can give you what you need in an emotionally healthy partner.

 

He wants to see the game with you? He does it because he can get the benefits of having you without having to commit to you. If you go, you tell him that you don't need the relationship eventhough you want it, and that you will happily appease all his needs. He may not want an R, but he certainly may miss your company, and certainly has an attachment, but not enough to give you what you want. Who cares how he looked at you? Does it change his stance or the situation? No.

 

And when you bust that boundary for yourself, you teach him that you are perfectly okay with him breaking up with you 467 times because at the end of the day, you will submissively go back to him again for more. You teach him that his patterns in the way he treats you are acceptable. Yes, keep breaking up with me but the moment you open the door, I'll be right there waiting for more mistreatment. You enable the bad behavior.

 

So, go see the game. Get all lovey dovey. Then go back to your home and feel the knife puncture your heart because his stance on not being with you remains the same. Or he may say he changed his mind and wants to get back, but be prepared for Round 11 in 2-3 weeks.

 

The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

Edited October 12, 2012 by geegirl

[Million.to.1]

Seems to me there's some sort of pattern here!

 

Why keep doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result?

[KatZee]

do i go? if i do, i really believe we will get back together. help!!!!

 

Of course you'll get back together. This is the cycle of your relationship. He dumps, you run back.

 

By definition, insanity means doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.

 

I'm sorry, but NINE times? This is a joke already. Either he's not all that into you, and is trying to find the next best thing and CAN'T, or he has zero idea how to handle conflict so he dumps you.

 

Where is your dignity? Please wake up and block your number. This is not a relationship in which you're both "madly in love." This is a relationship in which he has zero respect for you, and you're so co-dependent that you can't see beyond the rose colored glasses you have on.

 

Tell him to take a long walk off a short pier.

 

You're doing this to yourself at this point. Keep strong. Delete, block, remove, and keep moving forward.

[NoMoreJerks]

Why keep doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result?

Didn't someone say that's the definition of insanity?

[Drseussgrrl]

He's just not that into you if he keeps breaking up with you.

 

Simple as that.

[2sunny]

i hope you can shed some light on my situation. i became involved with a man that i've known for a few years earlier this year. he was still living with his girlfriend, with whom he has children. i knew of her through our respective children. i was in a relationship at the time we struck up a friendship, note - he actively pursued me and i genuinely believed it was a friendship. as time progressed, it became physical, and i was told it was over between them. i ended my relationship as i'd never cheated before and wanted to give this new relationship an honest go. the cycle then began. he couldn't bear to move out and leave his children, so we broke up pretty much every three weeks from may to present. i tried to be patient with him as i'm sympathetic to divorce as i've been through one myself and the separation, despite how acrimonious, can be terrible. he finally left, or was made to leave by her, a few months ago. unfortunately he decided he couldn't integrate our children nor have us 'come out' as he was afraid she wouldn't allow him access to his children. i carried on being patient and he carried on seeing me, telling me he loves me, etc. this last break up has had more reasons: he can't juggle work and seeing his children (he sees them daily for hours) and 'him' time and a relationship. apparently the something that had to give is me. i've taken it quite hard as we were best friends as well as in a relationship. my friends have told me to run as fast as i can because he's so dysfunctional and will carry on being on/off forever. it's hard to try and move on as i see either him or her at school every day or in the town. i've never cheated nor been the other woman and i accept my part in what happened. i suppose i just can't understand how a man can be so hot and cold. has anyone else experienced this or have any words of wisdom? i keep hoping he will get in touch (i refuse to contact him as this is his decision; in the past, it's been me who asks for us to meet and we make up and carry on. this time i am too hurt to do so) and want to speak or see me. we have amazing times when we are together - wonderful laughter, great conversations, he's amazing with my child, the sex was fantastic. . . i can't understand why he'd end it? thank you so much for reading my post.

 

Is he still living with the other gal?

 

Why would he be incapable of working a steady schedule? Who pays his way when he doesn't earn income?

 

Ae you/have you been his secret?