seren Posted October 12, 2012 Posted October 12, 2012 I have come to the conclusion that more and more I am not standing in a line that says BS, more that of just another person and it feels pretty good. Just lately I have really found my mojo, I am back to me, I can come to LS as a person with no unseen label to my responses, just my experience, it feels like I have reached a stage where it no longer hurts to examine everything that has happened and I come here more because it is familiar and because I 'know' people in this community and yes, because I can relate and have opinions. I would say that H and I reconciled a long while ago, but maybe I hadn't reconciled the A with myself. It made no sense to me, even though I understood how it happened and the why's. I just couldn't get past the doesn't compute how two people who love each other are in this place. feeling Then I noticed I sing aloud (badly) more, I laugh at stupid things my dogs do, I have found joy, which I really, really feared I had lost, not just happiness, just joy and a feeling that all was well in my world. It is a great place to be, a very great place. I feel the A has been put into a box marked, that was then, this is now. Had anyone told me I would ever feel like this again I would have been very doubtful. Does this resonate with anyone or am I in need of meds? 7
loveunlimited Posted October 12, 2012 Posted October 12, 2012 No. You need to talk about it more, because not enough people realise what you have. Life is Joy, whatever it brings, there is the deep inner core of serenity. it's there, always. 4
todreaminblue Posted October 12, 2012 Posted October 12, 2012 I have come to the conclusion that more and more I am not standing in a line that says BS, more that of just another person and it feels pretty good. Just lately I have really found my mojo, I am back to me, I can come to LS as a person with no unseen label to my responses, just my experience, it feels like I have reached a stage where it no longer hurts to examine everything that has happened and I come here more because it is familiar and because I 'know' people in this community and yes, because I can relate and have opinions. I would say that H and I reconciled a long while ago, but maybe I hadn't reconciled the A with myself. It made no sense to me, even though I understood how it happened and the why's. I just couldn't get past the doesn't compute how two people who love each other are in this place. feeling Then I noticed I sing aloud (badly) more, I laugh at stupid things my dogs do, I have found joy, which I really, really feared I had lost, not just happiness, just joy and a feeling that all was well in my world. It is a great place to be, a very great place. I feel the A has been put into a box marked, that was then, this is now. Had anyone told me I would ever feel like this again I would have been very doubtful. Does this resonate with anyone or am I in need of meds? I feel a weight thas been lifted off my shoulders because i didnt reconcile with my ex or go back for a booty call, i have freedom to be who i am i come on here to read......and help if i can(which who can say if i actually do or not i try) i dont post my own actual threads myself......used to....to tell the truth i still suffer confusion about dating because its all new to me now....i like to read positive stories.......i have my good days and bad days ..........i accept them when they happen get through them and try to keep my chin up...no matter what happens......i do find things funny.....i do find things sad and i have hope for my future...none of us knows what it holds......its a journey...im journeying..keep talking you may get a few rough days in there accept them talk about them and i wish you well.you may have your affair boxed in....it will become an issue in one way or another.boxing it up only hides it from view......... AN internal scar..it is still there....best wishes ....deb
waterwoman Posted October 12, 2012 Posted October 12, 2012 Seren - not there yet and suspect it will be a long time till I am but I hope that we will get there. Just wanted to say please carry on posting! You give me so much comfort as you seem so together and happy and I need to know it's possible to get to that place x
Spark1111 Posted October 12, 2012 Posted October 12, 2012 I agree Seren! It no longer consumes me, makes me sad, or lingers too often. The triggers have subsided and at times, we can actually joke about it. Having my daughter get married and bring us the unbelievable joy of a grandchild we are both dotty over was also a blessing. It feels like it is a part of the past, a sad and confusing time, but it is done. Interesting in that I, very early on, read some study on a psych web site, that they had surveyed miserably married couples on the brink of divorce and FIVE YEARS LATER went back to see what had happened.... Of those who did not divorce, they were pretty darn happy again and grateful they HAD NOT pulled the trigger on the marriage. That thought stuck with me....and whether I had divorced him or not, I still would have had to ride the post-infidelity roller coaster. So I took a wait and see attitude, balancing the unbelievable joys of re-discovering are love and passion for each other, with the unexpected lows of pain and anger and resentment that this had happened to me and to us. And over time, the roller coaster slowed and I got off and I am still here and very happy about it. So is he, to his very bones, happy I stayed. Would I wish this on anyone? Absolutely NOT. I'd rather have a lobotomy to erase the memory of it all than to ever go through this again. But yeah, peace finally came back and joy returned. 5
beenburned Posted October 12, 2012 Posted October 12, 2012 Seren, Thanks for such a happy and uplifting post! I am right there with you, after a long reconciliation. We are happy, content, thankful, and still in love! 1
BetrayedH Posted October 14, 2012 Posted October 14, 2012 I'm glad for everyone on this site that had the strength to make it through to reconciliation. I also find it interesting that the people with whom I have connected the most have done exactly that. Sorry, Seren, if you have any good meds left over, it's time to pass them on. Sending you a PM with my mailing address.
cantgetoverit11 Posted October 14, 2012 Posted October 14, 2012 Hi, A truly inspiring post, and I am happy for you. I am a BH, whose WS had a long A with a friend of ours that was discovered almost 4 months ago. She is looking to reconcile, she has done and said all the right things, NC, and all....But I cannot see through it. I look for days when I can, I try, I really do, but i cant get over it, cannot find it in myself to recommit despite desperately wanting to. This A has literally ripped the life out of me. I wish I could see past it all, the mind movies, the details, which she did share when asked, without gas lighting....its still so tough. We have kids, we had a nice life. i want to try, I just cant get there, but I do find coming and hearing stories of those that did reconcile to be inspiring and I hope to get there myself someday, but how?? : (
BetrayedH Posted October 14, 2012 Posted October 14, 2012 Hi, A truly inspiring post, and I am happy for you. I am a BH, whose WS had a long A with a friend of ours that was discovered almost 4 months ago. She is looking to reconcile, she has done and said all the right things, NC, and all....But I cannot see through it. I look for days when I can, I try, I really do, but i cant get over it, cannot find it in myself to recommit despite desperately wanting to. This A has literally ripped the life out of me. I wish I could see past it all, the mind movies, the details, which she did share when asked, without gas lighting....its still so tough. We have kids, we had a nice life. i want to try, I just cant get there, but I do find coming and hearing stories of those that did reconcile to be inspiring and I hope to get there myself someday, but how?? : ( From what I have seen, it's seeing consistent actions over time. My wife was inconsistent and I then couldn't find the patience for more time. Considering that our reconciliation failed, I'll back out of the conversation but just wanted to share that it takes so much more than 4 months to turn that corner even if they are doing everything you need. You've listed some positives. Is there anything that you think would help you that isn't happening? We're many times afraid to ask.
eleanorrigby Posted October 14, 2012 Posted October 14, 2012 This is where I am as well. There was a time years ago on these forums that I used to cry writing out my posts. Now I laugh. I love that. There were times when my husband would see me at the computer posting and leave the room because he didn't want to get into another affair conversation. And now he even brings the topic up at times! I'm really happy that we battened down the hatches together and managed to weather this storm tsunami.
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