Necris Posted October 12, 2012 Posted October 12, 2012 Well I was thinking from the comments here most people say that they met other people through their social circle/network with it being quite rare to find someone through cold approach especially for the guys here who aren't the most charismatic, but people like myself and others can't seem to find people through their social circle could it be the fault of the social circle you are in and not just you being totally unattractive/uncharismatic and if so should you go out and try to redesign your social circle somehow, and if so how? 1
kae Posted October 12, 2012 Posted October 12, 2012 you need to be independent and not look to anyone to help you. Go out do things you like..thats how you`ll meet someone you like. 1
Author Necris Posted October 12, 2012 Author Posted October 12, 2012 you need to be independent and not look to anyone to help you. Go out do things you like..thats how you`ll meet someone you like. That's very common advice but doing the things I like won't get me anywhere as very few women share my same hobbies and I'm not super social as well. Anyway what kind of effect do you think your specific social circle has on your dating life?
todreaminblue Posted October 12, 2012 Posted October 12, 2012 That's very common advice but doing the things I like won't get me anywhere as very few women share my same hobbies and I'm not super social as well. Anyway what kind of effect do you think your specific social circle has on your dating life? I have changed my social circle and that has made it harder for me....I am a careful person when it comes to etiquette in new situations.....i dont want to step on toes or invade....its just not me ill hang back....i adapt but i have to learn what the etiquette is and hope they understand when i stuff up which is often because i am honest with people i care about...i cringe sometimes at myself.....lol....trust me....i can get random....i do however have high regard for etiquette.....and dating is something that is not widely discussed in my new social circle that i adore i am not really interested in joining another social circle.....just to date.....it wasnt why i joined this bunch of great people I joined because i believe in what they believe.i share their passions...dating was furthest from my mind..wanted to go to africa on a mission..things changed however.....deb
Emilia Posted October 12, 2012 Posted October 12, 2012 That's very common advice but doing the things I like won't get me anywhere as very few women share my same hobbies and I'm not super social as well. These are the things you need to change: you need to get interests you can share with the opposite sex and you need to get more social. Anyway what kind of effect do you think your specific social circle has on your dating life? It affects the people you have access to. If you are a bunch of guys who play games all day, don't go outside and don't have any female friends, you will have a very specific and narrow experience of the world and won't meet many people. 1
goldengirl11 Posted October 12, 2012 Posted October 12, 2012 Well I was thinking from the comments here most people say that they met other people through their social circle/network with it being quite rare to find someone through cold approach especially for the guys here who aren't the most charismatic, but people like myself and others can't seem to find people through their social circle could it be the fault of the social circle you are in and not just you being totally unattractive/uncharismatic and if so should you go out and try to redesign your social circle somehow, and if so how? I think you've raised a very good point. Hit the nail on the head even! I think this is probably why I've been single for a while and am very envious of those who meet their partner through friends. I am starting to think now that getting back on on-line dating could be the way forward.
oaks Posted October 12, 2012 Posted October 12, 2012 Well I was thinking from the comments here most people say that they met other people through their social circle/network with it being quite rare to find someone through cold approach especially for the guys here who aren't the most charismatic, but people like myself and others can't seem to find people through their social circle could it be the fault of the social circle you are in and not just you being totally unattractive/uncharismatic and if so should you go out and try to redesign your social circle somehow, and if so how? If you've seen many comments here about improving your social circle as a stepping stone towards, perhaps, getting dates then I'm surprised you haven't seen specific advice on how to do this! Anyway, find some hobbies (and I'll include sports in this, too) that involve interacting with other people and then do that interacting. Those other people might be women, or they might know women who you could be introduced to. That's it, mostly. These hobbies might involve interacting with other people directly in the pursuit of the hobby, or they might involve interacting with other people via meetings or conferences or 'meet ups' in the bar with like-minded people who enjoy the same hobby. Either way, they involve meeting people face-to-face in a social environment. These don't even need to be hobbies you do already, since you can learn new things (and if there are 'beginners groups' or at least groups that accept beginners joining them then that's a great excuse to make new friends), but it does help if it's something you're going to be enthusiastic about. Don't take up salsa dancing just to meet girls if you loathe dancing, for example. Don't go to just one session and then come back here declaring "there were no hot girls there so I'm not going back". You shouldn't be expecting instant results! So, what are your hobbies, or what would you like them to be? 1
truth_seeker Posted October 12, 2012 Posted October 12, 2012 If you hang out with guys who generally dress down, hang out in sports bars. you're going to attract a certain type of woman. Suggestion: Wine tasting. Join a group then go to events. Lots of women go to these things.
yongyong Posted October 12, 2012 Posted October 12, 2012 If you live in small cities, chances are there are not many groups in different ages. I can guess, in places like LA, you will find Wine groups in 20s, 30s, 40s. I checked out several meetup groups in my area. (hiking, wine, movie etc) I checked who came to the past meetups. Usually there are more guys. They are over 30's. Women are old too and they are not attractive. If I am going there just for Wine, I don't mind mingling with people with different ages, people whom I am not attracted to. But if my goal is finding someone, I feel like it would be wasting my time. If you hang out with guys who generally dress down, hang out in sports bars. you're going to attract a certain type of woman. Suggestion: Wine tasting. Join a group then go to events. Lots of women go to these things.
oaks Posted October 12, 2012 Posted October 12, 2012 If I am going there just for Wine, I don't mind mingling with people with different ages, people whom I am not attracted to. But if my goal is finding someone, I feel like it would be wasting my time. Fair enough. It does help if the "goal" is doing a hobby you enjoy! Otherwise you're just going through the motions in the hope that there's an attractive woman there... and there's a good chance you'll be disappointed. Instant results not guaranteed! 1
truth_seeker Posted October 12, 2012 Posted October 12, 2012 I checked out several meetup groups in my area. (hiking, wine, movie etc) I checked who came to the past meetups. Usually there are more guys. They are over 30's. Women are old too and they are not attractive. The idea is to get out there and build a network with the underlining hope you will meet someone. There is truth to what you're saying about the men and women at these things. 1
Emilia Posted October 12, 2012 Posted October 12, 2012 It does help if the "goal" is doing a hobby you enjoy! Otherwise you're just going through the motions in the hope that there's an attractive woman there... and there's a good chance you'll be disappointed. Instant results not guaranteed! A lot of wine/hiking/movie groups are just singles groups in disguise in my experience. The best way to enjoy socialising and meeting new people is by meeting them through bona fide hobbies. You make friends that way through shared interest and even if you don't meet potentials directly within the group, you might meet them through your new social circle. 3
oaks Posted October 12, 2012 Posted October 12, 2012 A lot of wine/hiking/movie groups are just singles groups in disguise in my experience. The best way to enjoy socialising and meeting new people is by meeting them through bona fide hobbies. You make friends that way through shared interest and even if you don't meet potentials directly within the group, you might meet them through your new social circle. Totally agree. I like hiking, but I can't think of anything worse than going on a hiking trip with people who don't want to go hiking but are only there to find a date. They'll be whining at the first sign of uneven ground, poor weather, a gradient etc and they won't have the right footwear, clothing, supplies etc. I'd leave those people on top of the hill in the fog and tell them to learn some navigation skills. (ok, so I might also leave them with a map and a compass, and then call Mountain Rescue to give them advance warning that they'll be needed in a few hours... ) 1
Emilia Posted October 12, 2012 Posted October 12, 2012 Totally agree. I like hiking, but I can't think of anything worse than going on a hiking trip with people who don't want to go hiking but are only there to find a date. They'll be whining at the first sign of uneven ground, poor weather, a gradient etc and they won't have the right footwear, clothing, supplies etc. I'd leave those people on top of the hill in the fog and tell them to learn some navigation skills. (ok, so I might also leave them with a map and a compass, and then call Mountain Rescue to give them advance warning that they'll be needed in a few hours... ) hahaha a bit passive aggressive Seriously though, this is exactly why I picked December for the Atlas mountains hike.
oaks Posted October 12, 2012 Posted October 12, 2012 hahaha a bit passive aggressive Seriously though, this is exactly why I picked December for the Atlas mountains hike. I'm always amazed at the places people can actually get to in jeans and trainers (that's sneakers for American viewers). Top of Ben Nevis, when there's still 2m of snow up there, in a white-out, for starters. Dunno if they made it down again. Atlas mountains sounds like a fun trip! 1
HeldbyGravity Posted October 12, 2012 Posted October 12, 2012 Well I was thinking from the comments here most people say that they met other people through their social circle/network with it being quite rare to find someone through cold approach especially for the guys here who aren't the most charismatic, but people like myself and others can't seem to find people through their social circle could it be the fault of the social circle you are in and not just you being totally unattractive/uncharismatic and if so should you go out and try to redesign your social circle somehow, and if so how? It's hard to say, unless we know your friends! Unless your social circle is full of people you hate who are horrible people, I would say don't pay attention to the circle. It's more than your immediate friends- it's in who you Know. We meet people by joining clubs and organizations, by going to family events (... not THAT way!), by being at the right place at the right time. I would just go out and do things that you enjoy. As long as your friends are not rude to other people, it's probably not them. And if your friends are good people and a girl doesn't like them, that's her deal and not yours, so you wouldn't want to date that kinda girl anyway! If you want, meet a lot of Different people to increase your chances. Like don't just hang out with one stereotype of person. Have connections in all different places.
GirlontheLam Posted October 12, 2012 Posted October 12, 2012 I've got a pretty good sized social circle. There is a caveat. Well a few. I've got lots of friends that are "taken." I've got other people that aren't my type. There are the marrieds. People that live far away. Etc. So there aren't really a lot of potentials in my circle. To expand, I have been targeting events where my type is more likely to be in abundance. My big challenge is I also have many interests that do not attract many "young" people or my "type." So they aren't really good "feeders" for me. So I need to make a concerted effort to go to over types of events.
yongyong Posted October 12, 2012 Posted October 12, 2012 I feel shallow for judging groups by looking at what kind of people are there (are they around my age? are they nerdy? do girls cute enough? etc) But that's how people are. When you see groups in public places, they are around the same age, have similar character kind and even dress the same I can find the group I'd like to belong like in parks, bars, festivals but it's such a weirdo to ask 'hey......you guys seem cool...can I hangout with you guys?' LOL I feel like I should treat it like a job. Even though I don't like going there, I should keep going till I meet someone I like.
irc333 Posted October 13, 2012 Posted October 13, 2012 Unfortunately , some people avoid Meetups (no matter how fun or interesting the actual scheduled ACTIVTY is) just because there are no "cute guys" or "hot women" at them. They see the RSVP list for a hiking event, and go "Ew, bunch of fuglies" and hit the nightclub with their hot (same sex) friends from work. LOL I have a friend of mine, I met him at one of my local social events, mostly consists of average looking people, he's kind of decent looking, nice guy. And I had seen him at some events on FB with a lot of HOT women at certain outings and such. And I'm like "Um....how come you never invite them to our events??" And he said he tried, but they were more into the "party every weekend" crowd. They aren't into playing board games, outdoors, hiking or aren't the social type. Just a bunch of middle aged party women. Such a waste that one would prefer to hit the clubs every weekend, as opposed to some kind of constructive activity. If you live in small cities, chances are there are not many groups in different ages. I can guess, in places like LA, you will find Wine groups in 20s, 30s, 40s. I checked out several meetup groups in my area. (hiking, wine, movie etc) I checked who came to the past meetups. Usually there are more guys. They are over 30's. Women are old too and they are not attractive. If I am going there just for Wine, I don't mind mingling with people with different ages, people whom I am not attracted to. But if my goal is finding someone, I feel like it would be wasting my time.
irc333 Posted October 13, 2012 Posted October 13, 2012 I feel shallow for judging groups by looking at what kind of people are there (are they around my age? are they nerdy? do girls cute enough? etc) But that's how people are. Only the shallow ones. You mean you'd actually not attend an event based soley on the level of attractiveness of the people at the event? (Be it hiking, kayaking etc)?
oaks Posted October 13, 2012 Posted October 13, 2012 Such a waste that one would prefer to hit the clubs every weekend, as opposed to some kind of constructive activity. Judgemental much? Hiking and board games aren't exactly what I would call constructive, either. (although I enjoy them both)
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