How can I win him back?

[Sarah89]

Hello. I posted yesterday about my current situation. My ex boyfriend and I were together for 1 year and 4 months (to me that is quite a long time) however he broke up with me 4 days ago because he lost some feelings and didn't want to be in a relationship anymore. The break up was hard for both of us, he was nearly in tears and I have never seen him so upset. He told me its nothing to do with me of any other girl.

However I still see him at college and he often smiles and very often (apparently) looks at me during class. He tells me he wants to be friends but at the moment I'm trying not to be around him as its very difficult for me. I still love him.

What is the best way of winning him back? You can't fall out of love that quickly after that long surely.

[Sarah89]

Anyone, please?

[Leigh 87]

Hello. I posted yesterday about my current situation. My ex boyfriend and I were together for 1 year and 4 months (to me that is quite a long time) however he broke up with me 4 days ago because he lost some feelings and didn't want to be in a relationship anymore. The break up was hard for both of us, he was nearly in tears and I have never seen him so upset. He told me its nothing to do with me of any other girl.

However I still see him at college and he often smiles and very often (apparently) looks at me during class. He tells me he wants to be friends but at the moment I'm trying not to be around him as its very difficult for me. I still love him.

What is the best way of winning him back? You can't fall out of love that quickly after that long surely.

 

 

Yes, you can fall out of love that quickly. What is more common than falling out of love after merely a year, is people who stay in relationships where they were never really in love to begin with.

 

It is very common to mistake lust for love.

 

This happens all the time, and it is normally about a year or so that a person realises it was just lust, and realise that they were never in love to begin with, or that the love they think they had has faded.

 

Either way, Sarah, you should NEVER... EVER try to get a man back. You should only date men who would do just about anything to be with you.

If a man really loved you and had true, strong feelings for you, he would not just leave you like that.

 

A man who loves you, in my opinion, would battle through just about anything to be with you; rather than leave you over nothing.

[Leigh 87]

I was in your position, when I was about 16.

 

This guy fell hard for me, he loved my quirky personality and thought he loved me. In fact, in the beginning, I was still reeling from my last break up and a little torn up about my ex, and was not that much INTO this guy who "loved me"

 

 

I ended up being the one who got all obsessive about HIM; and then he lost feelings for ME.

 

The thing is, Sarah: he never would have truly loved me to begin with. True love does not happen in a month or so. It is just lust and the feeling of really, eralling liking the way a person is.

 

The above example is typical of a guy and girl who THOUGHT they were in love, when it was really just lust and strong hormones getting in the way!

[Sarah89]

Yes, you can fall out of love that quickly. What is more common than falling out of love after merely a year, is people who stay in relationships where they were never really in love to begin with.

 

It is very common to mistake lust for love.

 

This happens all the time, and it is normally about a year or so that a person realises it was just lust, and realise that they were never in love to begin with, or that the love they think they had has faded.

 

Either way, Sarah, you should NEVER... EVER try to get a man back. You should only date men who would do just about anything to be with you.

If a man really loved you and had true, strong feelings for you, he would not just leave you like that.

 

A man who loves you, in my opinion, would battle through just about anything to be with you; rather than leave you over nothing.

 

Thank you for your reply. I guess that's right. But how come he was so upset when we broke up and how come he looks at me in class most of the time. It's confusing me.

[Sarah89]

I was in your position, when I was about 16.

 

This guy fell hard for me, he loved my quirky personality and thought he loved me. In fact, in the beginning, I was still reeling from my last break up and a little torn up about my ex, and was not that much INTO this guy who "loved me"

 

 

I ended up being the one who got all obsessive about HIM; and then he lost feelings for ME.

 

The thing is, Sarah: he never would have truly loved me to begin with. True love does not happen in a month or so. It is just lust and the feeling of really, eralling liking the way a person is.

 

The above example is typical of a guy and girl who THOUGHT they were in love, when it was really just lust and strong hormones getting in the way!

 

Yeah, at the beginning it was him who liked me more and in the end it was the other way around. But your answer sounds about right.

[Leigh 87]

...You have to get it into your head, that the best chance you have at securing a lasting relationship, is to make it with a guy who badly wants to be with you.

 

If this guy badly wanted to be with you, he would not just sit in class and stare at you.

 

In fact, normally when a guy really wants you THAT badly, even if you loved state, or fell ill, they would stick with you in most instances, if the REALLY loved you and strongly wanted a future with you.

 

 

................Please do yourself a favour, and only accept men who are really willing to make an effort to show you they want you.

 

There was no cheating or arguments involved in this break up, you stated; it was about him losing feelings.

 

This is different to, say, a guy who thinks his girl cheated, and while he REALLY loves her, he is too hurt to take her back at first.....

........BUt then later he simply loves her too much to let her go ove this partcular issue, and they get back together

 

Your situation is nothing like the one above, when a guys feelings is so strong about a girl, that he is willing to get over major issues to be with her.

 

 

 

 

 

 

I hope you come to your senses, and see that you can NEVER "win" a guy back.

 

With what! You could lose all the weight you want and look 50% more beautiful, and learn three languages, and be extra friendlt and nice to every one, and become the most popular girl in school; it would still not bring back feelings that are not ther to begin with.

[Sarah89]

...You have to get it into your head, that the best chance you have at securing a lasting relationship, is to make it with a guy who badly wants to be with you.

 

If this guy badly wanted to be with you, he would not just sit in class and stare at you.

 

In fact, normally when a guy really wants you THAT badly, even if you loved state, or fell ill, they would stick with you in most instances, if the REALLY loved you and strongly wanted a future with you.

 

 

................Please do yourself a favour, and only accept men who are really willing to make an effort to show you they want you.

 

There was no cheating or arguments involved in this break up, you stated; it was about him losing feelings.

 

This is different to, say, a guy who thinks his girl cheated, and while he REALLY loves her, he is too hurt to take her back at first.....

........BUt then later he simply loves her too much to let her go ove this partcular issue, and they get back together

 

Your situation is nothing like the one above, when a guys feelings is so strong about a girl, that he is willing to get over major issues to be with her.

 

 

 

 

 

 

I hope you come to your senses, and see that you can NEVER "win" a guy back.

 

With what! You could lose all the weight you want and look 50% more beautiful, and learn three languages, and be extra friendlt and nice to every one, and become the most popular girl in school; it would still not bring back feelings that are not ther to begin with.

 

Thank you. Soon enough I'll come to my senses. He never cheated and we both were really good friends before we ever got together and he's always liked me in that kind of way.