sendme Posted October 12, 2012 Posted October 12, 2012 So... LS is nothing if not a place of opinions... I'm curious how many people think the best way to recover us to get back on the dating horse and how many people think you should stay single for a while? I once heard a formula that said to recover from heartbreak you should give yourself one week without dating for every month you were together... Which category do you fall in?
NavyAirTraffic Posted October 12, 2012 Posted October 12, 2012 I just got back from my second date in 3 nights (2 diff women). It helps when you're with them, be careful not to drink, because when I get home and by myself your brain begins to wander. It's a momentary relief. I refuse to sleep with someone right now, I think I'd only have my ex on my mind during and that's not fair to the women I'm seeing now. I've been straight forward with the women I'm seeing, "I'm not ready for a relationship, just hanging out having a good time" and they've received it well. Overall yes it is helping, it helps with your low self esteem right after being dumped. Just keep in mind there is a crash when you go home alone.
Jingle14 Posted October 12, 2012 Posted October 12, 2012 Didn't help me, just reminded me of who they weren't so not fair on them either. Went out with about 4 different people, 3 of them only once but he 4th 3 times. Not been out with anyone in around 10 months and don't want to either. I'm not ready and, for me, it's pointless.
NavyAirTraffic Posted October 12, 2012 Posted October 12, 2012 Didn't help me, just reminded me of who they weren't so not fair on them either. Went out with about 4 different people, 3 of them only once but he 4th 3 times. Not been out with anyone in around 10 months and don't want to either. I'm not ready and, for me, it's pointless. I'm sorry but this is sad..... You are holding on to "couple you", unfortunately you're single now. You need to begin the transition to "single you", and dating people is a pivitol step. Letting someone takeaway 10 months of your life is not fair to you. I would force dating until it becomes more natural, you need to regain your life, don't allow them to influence you 10 months later.
dreamstate83 Posted October 12, 2012 Posted October 12, 2012 The desire to make a connection with another woman is definitely there after my recent breakup 2 months ago, but I'm full aware it would just be a rebound. Because I know this, I'm happy to be flirtatious with the girls that like me but I make a very clear boundary. I guess it's a sign of maturity but I've declined 3 girls a relationship and told them I didn't want them to be a rebound. Having said that, I've made a lot more female friends without realizing it and I go out and have a lot of fun
Jingle14 Posted October 12, 2012 Posted October 12, 2012 I'm sorry but this is sad..... You are holding on to "couple you", unfortunately you're single now. You need to begin the transition to "single you", and dating people is a pivitol step. Letting someone takeaway 10 months of your life is not fair to you. I would force dating until it becomes more natural, you need to regain your life, don't allow them to influence you 10 months later. My friends would agree with you, they are despondant that I have 'given up' but they have no idea how deeply I was hurt, damaged and wounded and there is no way I would ever put myself at risk of that again. I go out with my friends but would be, and am, appalled if anyone tries to talk to me. Maybe one day, this will change but I very much doubt it. I'm mid forties anyway, and had a 22 year marriage (this 'ex' came after that) so it's not like I don't know what's what in life. There are advantages and disadvantages to being with someone but being without can't hurt like this and I don't need anyone to make me feel anxious, wondering 'is he going to email/text' and then analysing any reply/non reply. It's madness and I want no part of it. And again, it would be very unfair to put all my baggage on someone else. I have had 2 people develop feelings for me - platonic male friends - and hope my firm rejection hasn't upset them too much, I don't need that on my conscience.
todreaminblue Posted October 12, 2012 Posted October 12, 2012 So... LS is nothing if not a place of opinions... I'm curious how many people think the best way to recover us to get back on the dating horse and how many people think you should stay single for a while? I once heard a formula that said to recover from heartbreak you should give yourself one week without dating for every month you were together... Which category do you fall in? I tried getting on the dating horse too early after breaking up it was about six or seven months maybe even a year.....it was a disaster.......for me and my family....i cant date if i have unresolved feelings........thankfully i am resolved now with my ex ....god was kind......and i felt ready to date after a five to six year hiatus where i was conflicted and hot and cold..... i am however not just going to date anyone i have to have an attraction for them to want to know them further....dating someone just to get back on the horse should be left to farming i feel getting on that horse.....people are not medication to be used to fix things both men and women have feelings.....not a pill you take to make it alright for you to meet someone further down the track.....you should actually want to get to know someone....that's my opinion....i know that some people do this...i just cant.....If i have feelings for someone i dont date until those feelings are resolved.......seems the right thing to do.......by me and th eperson i do date.......deb 1
Jingle14 Posted October 12, 2012 Posted October 12, 2012 I tried getting on the dating horse too early after breaking up it was about six or seven months maybe even a year.....it was a disaster.......for me and my family....i cant date if i have unresolved feelings........thankfully i am resolved now with my ex ....god was kind......and i felt ready to date after a five to six year hiatus where i was conflicted and hot and cold..... i am however not just going to date anyone i have to have an attraction for them to want to know them further....dating someone just to get back on the horse should be left to farming i feel getting on that horse.....people are not medication to be used to fix things both men and women have feelings.....not a pill you take to make it alright for you to meet someone further down the track.....you should actually want to get to know someone....that's my opinion....i know that some people do this...i just cant.....If i have feelings for someone i dont date until those feelings are resolved.......seems the right thing to do.......by me and th eperson i do date.......deb Well said, absolutely agree. 1
blue_jay_bird Posted October 12, 2012 Posted October 12, 2012 It feels like i'm using that person when i'm on a date. And when you get home, it feels worse. 1
Sugarkane Posted October 12, 2012 Posted October 12, 2012 (edited) Depends. I started dating too early and got screwed over by a player. Made me feel even worse. I was so depressed. Edited October 12, 2012 by Sugarkane
PlanB123 Posted October 12, 2012 Posted October 12, 2012 depends on your personality type. so many factors. people deal with things in different ways. you will probably find a correlation of people on here tending to agree that they need a little time to recover before sleeping with somone else but that in no ways does that reflect society as whole IMO. there are many that can go straight out the same night and be with someone else. they refuse to let people get them down. bury their emotion and move on fast, like it never happened. i am talking dumpees here. i went out fast and did things. i went against my personality type and tried to push through. i ended up comparing the girls bodies to my ex and the only way i could finish was to think of her. not good. so i decided to take a break and found this site. so just depends. all different.
Lisa_Lisa Posted October 12, 2012 Posted October 12, 2012 "One nail drives out another nail," in other words, "one person gets another person outta your heart." Ha ha. I once dated a guy who was 6' 3" and I felt so good and protected. Then he dumped me. For a while, I looked at every man under 6'3" with disgust like he was a dwarf or something. It's really funny now that I think back on it. I compared every guy to him. And I kept calling him and he kept calling me, but we never got back together. It was only after I met someone else (online no less so I couldn't see how tall he was) that I finally got over the tall one. Anyways, for me at least, someone new pushes the ex out because I can transfer all my energy on the new guy.
moveONorStay Posted October 12, 2012 Posted October 12, 2012 Not for me, broke up with ex a month ago...been on 2 dates since. Thought about ex the whole time
Jingle14 Posted October 12, 2012 Posted October 12, 2012 "One nail drives out another nail," in other words, "one person gets another person outta your heart." Ha ha. I once dated a guy who was 6' 3" and I felt so good and protected. Then he dumped me. For a while, I looked at every man under 6'3" with disgust like he was a dwarf or something. It's really funny now that I think back on it. I compared every guy to him. And I kept calling him and he kept calling me, but we never got back together. It was only after I met someone else (online no less so I couldn't see how tall he was) that I finally got over the tall one. Anyways, for me at least, someone new pushes the ex out because I can transfer all my energy on the new guy. That's what I'm like, my ex was 6"2 (I'm a foot shorter). Hope one day I'll find some amusement in my silliness too
Jingle14 Posted October 12, 2012 Posted October 12, 2012 (edited) Not for me, broke up with ex a month ago...been on 2 dates since. Thought about ex the whole time I was really hurt when my (supposedly together forever) ex told me he had kissed another woman only weeks after we split - and about 3 weeks after saying 'there won't be another girlfriend, I intend to stay single for a long time' - and said that he didn't think of me at all at the time. I mean, how could you not, even if you are the dumper? Surely it's only natural, and especially so as we were an amazing physical match. That really was a dagger to the heart, to think I mattered so little. Edited October 12, 2012 by Jingle14
veggirl Posted October 12, 2012 Posted October 12, 2012 No dating others makes me feel worse, another guy touching me or something makes me want to puke. Plus I feel bad when they text or call and I groan when I see its them lol.
Author sendme Posted October 12, 2012 Author Posted October 12, 2012 This might be my favorite thread I've ever started.... it's so interesting to hear everyone's perspectives on this.... so far I'm having fun in the flirty dating phase... and its nice to have someone to pass time with for sure....
moveONorStay Posted October 12, 2012 Posted October 12, 2012 This might be my favorite thread I've ever started.... it's so interesting to hear everyone's perspectives on this.... so far I'm having fun in the flirty dating phase... and its nice to have someone to pass time with for sure.... Passing time/sleeping with people that you ultimately don't really want to end up with is a bit of a waste of time I think. It's so much better when its meaningful
NavyAirTraffic Posted October 12, 2012 Posted October 12, 2012 No dating others makes me feel worse, another guy touching me or something makes me want to puke. Plus I feel bad when they text or call and I groan when I see its them lol. This is the subconscious you trying to cling on to "couple you". Yes it's strange when someone new touches you or kisses you or whatever. You are now "single you" like it or not!! You don't have a choice, you will be touched/kissed/whatever with someone new one day. When you're with someone new and it's weird you consciously need to understand what you're feeling. "why don't I like him touching me, is it because he's not my ex?" "even thought I don't like it, it's not because of who I'm with, it's because of who I'm not with". It's a barrier to get over, a roadblock to push through. I think it's one of the last stages of truly letting go, and understand that your ex won't touch you again. You'll understand that it's ok to like being with someone else. It is going to happen 1 day, forcing it now is another shortcut I've discovered. If you don't like that advice try this one. You think he's thinking about you when he's with someone else? You think he left you and crawled into a ball? You can either push through, or let him/her take away the joy you should be experiencing.
Drseussgrrl Posted October 12, 2012 Posted October 12, 2012 I've started dating someone recently. We've been out three times. This last time, he picked me up in a town car with a driver and ended we up at the Four Seasons (just for dinner!). It was awesome to feel like a celebrity for the night. I have been broken up with my ex for over 2 months - so it took me that long to feel like I could get out there again. I ended up sleeping with the new guy this week. I certainly don't feel the emotional and mental connection with him that I did for my ex, but I dunno, being intimate with someone else seems to have springboarded me forward in my healing. So while I don't feel like getting serious with new dude, I'm having fun, the attention is nice, he's got a buttload of money he likes to spend on women, and thinking about our next fun outing takes up a lot of space where before I was obsessing about my ex. P.s. - we're on the same page about not getting serious, BTW.
Blastoplast Posted October 13, 2012 Posted October 13, 2012 It depends on the person... I've been seeing this girl the past 2 months, we've both recently gotten out of long-term relationships -- her 5 years and me 7 years. The first time I met her it was like any cobwebs in my head about my ex were just instantly vanished. I was completely infatuated with this new girl... she has a very similar personality to me, is short & cute and 5 years younger than me.... we just hit it off. Sexually we have a great connection and I just feel comfortable around her. Funny thing is, 3 months ago I was still hung up on my EX and completely devastated, but shortly before I met this girl I came to the realization that I deserved better than what my EX gave me, and this new girl was just the proverbial push to leave my EX in the past and move forward. We're both going ahead with no intentions on anything serious and just enjoying the ride right now. Whatever happens, happens. It's new and exciting, and while I may think about my ex every now and then and miss certain aspects of her -- some parts of your EX NEVER leave and you just have to remember the good times while blazing a new trail!
Simon Phoenix Posted October 13, 2012 Posted October 13, 2012 So... LS is nothing if not a place of opinions... I'm curious how many people think the best way to recover us to get back on the dating horse and how many people think you should stay single for a while? I once heard a formula that said to recover from heartbreak you should give yourself one week without dating for every month you were together... Which category do you fall in? I didn't really "date" per se, but I definitely went on a run of hookups after things died with my ex. I was going to the bars and still hung up on my ex, so I didn't really care what I was doing or saying and it worked wonderfully as far as fulfilling my base needs. But it didn't help me emotionally at all, if anything hooking up with those other women made me want my ex more, which was weird. Now I've moved on for the most part, not completely, and I can't attract anything right now. But emotionally I'm a lot better off. So I guess for me, it's better to just step back and completely retool, then go back out there.
suladas Posted October 13, 2012 Posted October 13, 2012 Went on one date two months after, though I was ready but wasn't really. I think if I really hit it off on the date I would of been ready but I wasn't interested in her at all (even looking back at it now) so it didn't help me. Met a girl last weekend who got out of a relationship about 4 months ago and was still hurting, it was awesome talking and getting to know her, seemed perfect because we both felt the same way and still weren't quite over the last relationship. It was great until I found out she was a smoker, that's a deal breaker. I'm not completely over my ex, just very close. I know i'm ready now but i'm not going to go looking for someone i'm just going to have fun and see what happens.
veggirl Posted October 13, 2012 Posted October 13, 2012 Would you want to be the girl a guy dates to try to get over the girl he is still in love with and no over?
NavyAirTraffic Posted October 13, 2012 Posted October 13, 2012 Would you want to be the girl a guy dates to try to get over the girl he is still in love with and no over? This is true but if you are up front with them, "I just got out if a relationship and not ready for another one" the "other girl" has the option to not proceed. If you give false hope to them you are DEAD WRONG!!!
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