annieo Posted October 12, 2012 Posted October 12, 2012 How many of you married folks sleep in separate beds/rooms? Have endured a few years of sleeping next to a man who snores, flops around (and he outweighs me by 60 or so pounds), sometimes whacks me with an arm or leg or decides (while we're both sleeping) that a gropey hug is a good idea. Initially we thought the sleep problems were just me, as I am in my late forties and perhaps not sleeping as soundly as before. And also because he has no memory of doing anything while sleeping and wakes up feeling like he's slept well. But there have been some nights when he agrees to sleep on the couch and then I sleep like a baby. Last night, for example, a solid 7 hours. Felt like a new person this morning. Tonight, awake after 40 minutes. He is very defensive, says he cannot do anything about what he does when asleep and is also VERY against moving our son to a room in the basement so we can create a spare room upstairs (son is fine with this btw - prob becuase his computer is there I think either a separate room, or at least, twin beds, have become a priority. The lack of sleep is beginning to make me feel ill, and my blood-pressure (I'm on meds and hypertensive) is starting to show it. Awake at midnight again. Need to be up in six hours. Help!!!
whichwayisup Posted October 12, 2012 Posted October 12, 2012 So it's two rooms upstairs? Consider twin beds, that's something to think about too. how old is your son? You can keep computer upstairs, away from him and not in the basement if he moves down there! For now, couch it. Seriously, you'll get a better sleep. Cuddle and talk with your husband in bed, be romantic or whatever.., then go downstairs afterwards to go to sleep. There are times when I don't sleep in the same room as my husband. If either of us are sick with a cold/flu/stomach bug or if I have trouble sleeping. It's just respectful to allow the other person a good nights sleep, why should two people suffer? Or even one person JUST for the sake of sleeping in the same bed. Don't make a big deal of it, it is what it is. You are suffering and the longer you go without a good nights sleep, the worse you're going to feel. 1
Author annieo Posted October 12, 2012 Author Posted October 12, 2012 Thanks for the response. You're right, it is what it is, although tonight I am feeling like it's personal. Twin beds will most likely be the first response.
TigerCub Posted October 12, 2012 Posted October 12, 2012 Why not: - Get a king size bed, with a good mattress that is made so that if one person moves around, the other doesn't feel it. - For the snoring, would a sound machine or air filter help drown out some noise. - Also what about ear plugs Would those things fix your problem without resorting to separate bedrooms? How long have you been married (just out of curiosity)?
Saba Posted October 13, 2012 Posted October 13, 2012 The gropey hug... oh yes, I almost choked on my tea when I read that. I also vote for twin beds. I have a king bed and that works for us as he does tend to sleep on his side most of the time. My partner snores when he lies on his back and like you I can't sleep through it. Occasionally I use earplugs but I feel kind of vulnerable so I am not a big fan. If you find a way to deal with the snoring let me know.
JamesM Posted October 13, 2012 Posted October 13, 2012 Nope we sleep together. I vote for two beds in one room. A bigger bed may not be an option due to room size, but also because he may still slide over to your side during the night.
KathyM Posted October 13, 2012 Posted October 13, 2012 I vote for a king sized bed and ear plugs. Your marriage and your relationship needs the physical closeness that sharing a bed at night provides. Trust me on that. My husband and I had the same problem, and out of desperation, we tried sleeping in separate rooms at night. No way will I do that again. The closeness and the ability to talk and snuggle at night is worth the bit of lost sleep that comes with it. Go to bed at an earlier hour, get a bigger bed so you can have your space, use earplugs, but don't sleep in separate bedrooms or even in separate beds in the same room. Same bed. It's important for your marriage.
eleanorrigby Posted October 13, 2012 Posted October 13, 2012 The gropey hug... oh yes, I almost choked on my tea when I read that. I also vote for twin beds. I have a king bed and that works for us as he does tend to sleep on his side most of the time. My partner snores when he lies on his back and like you I can't sleep through it. Occasionally I use earplugs but I feel kind of vulnerable so I am not a big fan. If you find a way to deal with the snoring let me know. I'm giggling too! Mine had me on the edge of the bed last night caught in a Darth Dader sleep death grip so tight, I could barely breathe. So far I just do the elbow to the ribs if the snoring reaches a crescendo or the bear hugs get too tight.
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