ALoveStudent Posted October 12, 2012 Posted October 12, 2012 Hello All, Long story short, my girlfriend is taking a trip with her friends to the college her and I recently graduated from. For two straight nights she plans on getting drunk and doing who knows what. Her friends are single, and I would've gone too if I didn't have other obligations. Regardless, she had plans to go up for the weekend before I had even known that I could go. Anyway, I am feeling super uncomfortable about this. I have no idea how she acts when she is drunk and with her single friends. Regardless, I told her to go have an awesome time. She has no idea how much its killing me inside. I wish she didn't go, but I don't want to be that controlling type of boyfriend either. And She claims to have never cheated in past relationships. However, there is this one guy that she used to talk to online and has never met before in person. Apparently she used to dirty chat with him, but this was only before we had been dating. Either way, she continued to talk to him. Not in a dirty way on her part, but he was constantly complimenting her. One day when he brought up the fact that they haven't dirty webcamed since she was single and he misses it. She replied with "I miss it too sometimes". When I confronted her about this, she did not get defensive and was immediately apologetic. Without me asking her to she told me that she would tell this guy that they would never talk again. This was around 6 months ago. Since then, he has tried contacting her again a few times. She did not tell him to stop, but she did not let a conversation start. All she really said was "hello how are you" and from then she didn't answer him. I guess thats what initiated my jealousy. I've been jealous in the past, but never to the point that I can't think of anything else. I don't know what to do. Should I really just forgive and forget? Thus far, I've played it very cool and confident, but its really just an act on my part... Also, my discovery was on facebook where she really isn't that active anyway. I've snooped on her phone once and found nothing, but its been a while since then and I'm wondering if there is any new business..
WhatYouWantToHear Posted October 12, 2012 Posted October 12, 2012 It is only okay to act on jealosy when you plan on chronicling your jealousy inspired escapades on here so we can all enjoy, laugh at and say 'we told you so". General hypothetical thought question: Anyone think in the history of the world, being jealous has ever had a positive outcome for those being jealous?
Disenchantedly Yours Posted October 12, 2012 Posted October 12, 2012 General hypothetical thought question: Anyone think in the history of the world, being jealous has ever had a positive outcome for those being jealous? Yes. Sometimes when people get too comfortable they forget what they have. A little jeaously may help to ignite those old feelings and make someone work harder for their relationship again..kind of refresh it. Not such a bad thing. ALoveStudent, I understand your feelings. Why don't you talk to her openly and honestly about how you are feeling. Don't be judgemental, accusatory or negative. It actually sounds like your girlfriend is pretty understanding because she quickly apologized and mended her ways. 1
umirano Posted October 19, 2012 Posted October 19, 2012 General hypothetical thought question: Anyone think in the history of the world, being jealous has ever had a positive outcome for those being jealous? Of course otherwise evolution would have eradicated jealousy a long time ago. On a more practical note: Jealousy is an alarm signal. From other alarm systems we know that alarms can be baseless. OP: Your job to find out. Don't ruin the relationship along the way. WhatYouWantAndSoForth: Imagine a different Universe, where no one would ever be jealous and skeptical of his SO's true feelings: Do you think those who are jealous in our actual universe would be better off? Every single one of them? Or put otherwise, was every single case of jealousy in human history definitely detrimental to the one being jealous? Or could it be that in some cases jealousy and acting on it at some point saved those being jealous more pain down the road?
cyndi1022 Posted October 23, 2012 Posted October 23, 2012 Jealousy normally comes from someone being hurt, angry, or fearful. When someone in the couple is fearful, it is normally coupled with anxiety. It would be better for your relationship if you were honest about your feelings and your confidence. There is nothing wrong with being honest with your feelings to your girlfriend. Jealousy can set boundaries for your relationship, which is never good. Hopefully you can open up and that can eliminate the jealousy and help your relationship grow.
Recommended Posts