Girlfriend lost feelings after 5 year relationship?!

[Dazed_Confused1989]

Hi everybody,

 

I'll try to keep this as short as I can.

 

My long time girlfriend of 5 years broke up with me about one 4 weeks ago. She was my best friend, the love of my life and my everything. I was planning to propose to her in about 5 or 6 months.

 

For years, and even the months leading up to the break-up, we were so happy just thinking about spending the rest our lives together and growing old together. We were very much in love! I believe we had everything as a couple - trust, honesty, amazing friendship, comfort, care, love and knowing each inside out. We were as compatible as can be - people even used to refer to us as one person.*She felt the exact same way.

 

For the last 5 months, we have both been swamped in our work. Especially me. Unfortunately, I did not prioritize her and did not spend as much time as I would have liked in retrospect. She went on vacation for about 2 weeks later on, but did not want to leave me. She was afraid of missing me and we had an intimate and affectionate moment as I dropped her off. After returning, she had 'critically reflected' upon her life and said she was not as happy as she should be. She has also lost feelings for me and I'm unsure if she loves me to the same extent she used to. She did not cheat. Despite her saying she was "thinking about this for some time", she would always be so happy and excited around me - just like the usual!

 

I was inexperienced and panic-stricken and gave her only 3 or 4 days to think about her decision to break-up. She had also said her needs were not met - on account we were busy and I stupidly did not prioritize my life for those few months.

 

I'm feeling sensations of anger in addition to desperation and grief. I'm upset that she did not communicate how she was feeling for the months leading up, and continued to live life as normal. I'm upset she did not even bother to try again after 5 amazing years!

 

But, I've let her know that she is my best friend and my life. I've let her know how I've re-prioritized my life to fulfill our mutual happiness in my attempts to always make her feel special!

 

I stupidly contacted her about two days ago out of a panic attack. She has declined to try again as she is very stubborn; she says she is trying her best to move on. She had said the more contact we have right now, the harder it will be for 'both of us'.

 

This is a big period of change in our lives, but our love was so strong that we've known that we would pull through no matter what!

 

I know that it's not supposed to end like this - I truly believe we are soul mates! I'm planning on going NC for at least one month and waiting for her to contact me. I want to fight for her love, and am willing to do anything and everything to make this right again.

 

Please help!! I know I can't change her feelings and she will need to come to a self-realization, but what can I do now and in the long-term to increase the likelihood of reconciling? I know we were meant to be together forever!!

[Tree_Salmon]

Hi everybody,

 

I'll try to keep this as short as I can.

 

My long time girlfriend of 5 years broke up with me about one 4 weeks ago. She was my best friend, the love of my life and my everything. I was planning to propose to her in about 5 or 6 months.

 

For years, and even the months leading up to the break-up, we were so happy just thinking about spending the rest our lives together and growing old together. We were very much in love! I believe we had everything as a couple - trust, honesty, amazing friendship, comfort, care, love and knowing each inside out. We were as compatible as can be - people even used to refer to us as one person.*She felt the exact same way.

 

For the last 5 months, we have both been swamped in our work. Especially me. Unfortunately, I did not prioritize her and did not spend as much time as I would have liked in retrospect. She went on vacation for about 2 weeks later on, but did not want to leave me. She was afraid of missing me and we had an intimate and affectionate moment as I dropped her off. After returning, she had 'critically reflected' upon her life and said she was not as happy as she should be. She has also lost feelings for me and I'm unsure if she loves me to the same extent she used to. She did not cheat. Despite her saying she was "thinking about this for some time", she would always be so happy and excited around me - just like the usual!

 

I was inexperienced and panic-stricken and gave her only 3 or 4 days to think about her decision to break-up. She had also said her needs were not met - on account we were busy and I stupidly did not prioritize my life for those few months.

 

I'm feeling sensations of anger in addition to desperation and grief. I'm upset that she did not communicate how she was feeling for the months leading up, and continued to live life as normal. I'm upset she did not even bother to try again after 5 amazing years!

 

But, I've let her know that she is my best friend and my life. I've let her know how I've re-prioritized my life to fulfill our mutual happiness in my attempts to always make her feel special!

 

I stupidly contacted her about two days ago out of a panic attack. She has declined to try again as she is very stubborn; she says she is trying her best to move on. She had said the more contact we have right now, the harder it will be for 'both of us'.

 

This is a big period of change in our lives, but our love was so strong that we've known that we would pull through no matter what!

 

I know that it's not supposed to end like this - I truly believe we are soul mates! I'm planning on going NC for at least one month and waiting for her to contact me. I want to fight for her love, and am willing to do anything and everything to make this right again.

 

Please help!! I know I can't change her feelings and she will need to come to a self-realization, but what can I do now and in the long-term to increase the likelihood of reconciling? I know we were meant to be together forever!!

 

I've been there. But if you know you cant change her feelings it might be best to be on your way.

 

Take it from me, once its over it's never going to be the same again. You just end up wasting your time. I say you remember the beauty of it and take what you've learned and move on. Don't end up like some of us here who didn't know when to call it quits.

 

I knew i was meant to be with my ex forever but guess what, its not happening and it wont happen ever again. Things don't turn out like you want them to.

 

I've said this before on this site but ill say it again- one chance, per girl, per lifetime. It's proven itself true every time.

[CarrieT]

OP, how old are you and your GF?

[Dazed_Confused1989]

We're both in our mid twenties.

[Tree_Salmon]

We're both in our mid twenties.

 

You should dust yourself off man. There are many great people out there in store for you.

 

I know how you feel. Mine was 6 years both in our mid twenties. You aren't going to find a magic formula to fix this. It WILL happen again in the future.

 

Live life a little now. Worry about yourself for a bit.

[Dazed_Confused1989]

I suppose I'm still in shock. It was all so sudden. I know that she changes her mind quickly, is stubborn and has a hard time opening up to others. Because she is my best friend, I'll probably meet up with her, but not in the near future. How should I act? I don't see myself losing hope for some time. I'm taking this time to work on myself.

[Pacman]

Mid-twenties you say?

 

Heads up. You'll find another one.

 

When a person loses feelings for another person, theres nothing you can do.

 

The more you try and win her back, the more clingy you're going to look. No girl wants a clingy man.

 

Let her have her space. Let her miss you

[Tree_Salmon]

I suppose I'm still in shock. It was all so sudden. I know that she changes her mind quickly, is stubborn and has a hard time opening up to others. Because she is my best friend, I'll probably meet up with her, but not in the near future. How should I act? I don't see myself losing hope for some time. I'm taking this time to work on myself.

 

Act like yourself.

If you cant be yourself around this person then whats the point?

 

You're thinking too much.

That's why this probably wont work. You cant walk on eggshells the rest of your life.

 

I feel bad because this is the tip of the iceberg for you.

Who knows how many times you'll get back together or how much time you'll waste.

[CarrieT]

We're both in our mid twenties.

 

I would have guessed as much. It is during this time that women (and some men) start to experience GIGS (Grass is Greener Syndrome). She has been with you since she was a teenager and is essentially now just coming into her adulthood.

 

You both have a lot of growing to do and I can guarantee you that the next few years for YOU will be a time of growth and introspection as well. You will find the girl you are meant to be with as you change and mature as well.

[Dazed_Confused1989]

I've read about GIGS quite a bit and the symptoms seem to match the case. But we have been deemed 'overly mature' since we were both young. I felt like I was ready to propose and settle down and she certainly gave me the same impression not so long ago.

[CarrieT]

But we have been deemed 'overly mature' since we were both young.

I was the same way. I once had a teacher sign my yearbook, "You are 13 going on 30..."

 

I was married at 20 because I thought myself "overly mature." And I was divorced at 25.

 

By my 30th birthday, I realized just how different my world view was and what my desires were. It was more than mere "maturity." It was a process of becoming the person I was to be. There was no way to anticipate those changes but now in my 40s, I can hopefully share my experience with those to help them from having to go through the pain I had to experience.

 

I'm sorry you are experiencing this. In all honesty, I would suggest printing this thread out and looking back on it on your 30th birthday. You will have some amazing insight at that point...

[SheLeftMe]

I know exactly what your going through bud.

 

me and my ex got engaged in june. after 3 months of what i thought was a happy beginning to the rest of our lives, she left me a month ago because she said "she doesn't feel the same anymore and she needs to figure out her life." Big blow to my ego. I have been going out with friends and doing all the things i can to keep me busy, but nothing compares to what she can do for me.

 

The best advice i can give you is just let her do her own thing. Theres no way of forcing or persuading her back into a relationship. It's going to take a while to get through the pain. Take it from me. I still havent even gotten half way close to happiness because i just want her back in my life. Lucky for you, you didnt pay for a ring yet.

 

Best wishes

[College_Stoodent]

Dude, I know EXACTLY how you feel. We're about the same age, in our early twenties and my ex of 6 years left me for the same exact reasons. The months leading up to the break up were exactly the same as yours, no indication of unhappiness from her.

 

I was also ready as anything to commit and settle down but she got GIGS. GIGS is normal but I think its the stupidest and hurtful thing in the world and to me I know where it comes from but it still doesn't make any sense to me either. Right now I'm trying to focus on my life, getting a career together, hanging out with friends and picking up a few hobbies. They make me happy at the time but not as happy as I was with her. Sometimes I can forget her, other times I can't stop thinking about her or wondering if any set time of NC would make her miss me.

 

But keep your head up, I'm trying to think on the positive sides here. We're both young and have our whole lives ahead of us, maybe we should have some GIGS too and explore life, do what our exes would never let us do but what we always wanted to do, and then finally find that right one for us.

[lovecash]

College student and dazed--

 

I am going through the EXACT same thing-- me and ex are both 24, were dating for 4.5 years- its been 1 month of NC.

 

I think girls at this point in their life really have no clue what they want. They saw our stable, seemingly perfect relationships, and think to themselves is this it for the rest of their lives? Even if they have the most amazing relationship in the world, they get the 'what ifs' and think it might be even better. I think they need to go out and explore something else with someone else. It sucks that we have to be on the receiving end of this, but thats just how it is.

 

For me, being at 1 month of not having each other in our lives, I think we have both had time to think about the relationship and what we want. I am making some serious life decisions in the next few months (applying to grad school/MBA), so I am going to open a line of conversation with her soon to see where we both stand. If I am rejected, it will be some serious closure and I can move on. If not, who knows what will happen. I am going to be so busy applying for schools/studying that I dont have time to date other girls so if I have to spend a few months in limbo so be it.

[lovecash]

also- I would like to say..people do break up and even date other people and then realize what they lost. Sometimes people ask what if, and realize it isnt better. People on this board say its the be all end all in life if you get broken up with it is forever and just move on. The reality is ex bf's and gf's come running back all the time. The world is a crazy place you cannot take as gospel what commentators on an internet message board say. Each relationship is so intricate and unique on its own, you cannot just define the future of a relationship in one sentence or word.