treediz Posted October 12, 2012 Posted October 12, 2012 Ok so bear with me because I'm in a downer mood this evening. I'm an attractive 28 year old male who is a decent human being, not a slut, a sweetheart, but I'm pretty shy when it comes to meeting people. I'm talkative and maybe even obnoxious once you get to know me but I'm a silent monkey at parties and bars when I should be trying to meet people. So I got myself into a messy relationship when I was 23 and it lasted for almost 4 years. I truly loved this girl but she was a trainwreck, on meds for depression, add, and something else and drank like a bottle or two of wine each day. She was a bitch and treated me like **** but I put up with it because she'd still call the next day and want to be together...I guess I put up with it because I liked feeling needed. At the end of our relationship I turned into a mess as well, I had just graduated school and couldn't find a job, we had been living together for a year and a half and things weren't going well, and my parents had just lost there house so I had nowhere else to move. Shortly after we moved into our apartment she broke up with me and said she wanted to date my really good friend. He was like HELL NO. She then dated online and brought several guys over to our place (luckily we had 2 bedrooms). She ended up sleeping with the next door neighbor for about a 2 month period and then finally met someone else online and they clicked. They're still together. After she met that last guy online, he got jealous of our living situation and threatened me physically. I was afraid for my safety so I moved in with my brother and slept on his couch until I got my **** together. Since then I've found a really good job, got a nice apartment, got my business I started when I was 18 up and rolling again, started working out, and am generally much better off without the trainwreck. So Its been a year since all that went down and I can't seem to get back to the dating world. I love woman but I just don't make an effort to meet anyone because I think I'm going to get screwed over again. Aside from that I haven't been laid in a year, let alone met anybody worth dating so I feel like I've lost my touch. I did meet one girl (after I had been drinking) and she was interested but she was a trainwreck too so I never pursued it. So now, I sit in a cubicle on a computer all day talking to literally 6 people all day, go home, make dinner by myself, go to bed and do it all over again. I'm totally out of touch with what is going on in the dating world. Most of my friends are either married or don't live in the same city so I'm kind of on my own. I'm lonely and lost about how to start meeting people. I'm not even sure if I'm ready. Well, I'm here so that tells me I'm ready but I just can't get past this pessimism and bitterness. I've got so much love to offer and I don't mean to be cocky but I'm a great guy. Why can't I find a date? Is there a chance some dream girl will just come up to me and pursue me? I feel like I'm missing out on the best years of my life. I wish I was a player but I've never been and think it's too late to start. I've turned down more pussy than I can count because I've always had this hopeless romantic view of meeting the perfect person. Well that never happened and now I'm kicking my 18-25 year old self for not taking advantage of all of these opportunities. Any advice?
thatcatlady67 Posted October 12, 2012 Posted October 12, 2012 The fact that you recognized a 'train wreck' right away, and backed off, shows that you are indeed becoming more discerning when choosing a mate. That is a good thing! If you are patient, (and yes it is very difficult, I know!) you will meet a great girl. Going on early dates where there is no alcohol consumed by either party is a good first step.
Jennifer89 Posted October 13, 2012 Posted October 13, 2012 I would say you sound like a nice guy so don't feel a need to change and be more of a player, the right woman will come along eventually. I would say though that you might want to try breaking out your comfort zone and approaching more women, not just online as you have said women have shown interest in you but those might not have been the type of woman you are after, so you should try approaching someone you like yourself. Just say normal things like Hi, how's your day going/are you enjoying your night out? Or a confident would you like a drink always helps. There is no need for chat up lines.
Recommended Posts