3 Year Relationship, Was I Left For Someone Else?

[UJK90]

I was with my girlfriend for 3 years, we were the perfect couple. We clicked extremely well , were best friends and more, and for the past 3 years literally spent every moment together and were always happy and everyone agreed, claiming we were the best couple. We really saw our future together, ending as a family - infact she was the one who presented the idea in the first place. If anyone was gonah marry out of everyone I knew it was us.

 

I began to worry that she liked someone else and this lead to a few arguments. She reassured me many times that this wasn't the case. I believed her and I believe that nothing ever happened between them, but at the end of the argument we broke up.

 

It was a stupid argument, not worth throwing away 3 years of history for. The day before we were madly in love, in fact right through the argument until the point were she claimed she needed space or to break up I seriously thought things would be okay. I know this by the texts, I think I pushed her away by being an arrogant dick the night before.

 

We ended up breaking up, and I found out two days later she was with the person I thought she liked. I feel he just jumped at the opportunity, by being the comforting friend and wormed his way in. I begged and pleaded for a good 2 weeks, although did give a few days in between. But my head was a mess and I honestly had no idea how to deal with it all. During this time she has completely blocked me out, I haven't heard a thing from her personally.

 

Shes also claiming that she no longer has any feelings for me whatsoever, but the argument we had lasted a few days over text and literally the night before she was begging that things would be okay and it would just be us two and we would get over anything. Then suddenly this has just happened out of nowhere.

 

To be honest, I feel that she has just jumped straight into this relationship without thinking. Possibly to get back at me as it was the one thing I would've hated. Also possibly she just wanted the reassurance of having a guy with her. But I'm unsure. I've since began no contact, but it is a SERIOUS struggle. Meanwhile, she still wont talk to me claiming she needs more time. She hasn't contacted me first, ever, it's always been me.

 

I'm honestly at loss for what to do. I know I am better than this person, I devoted my entire life to this girl and always tried to be perfect. She will not end up happier with him, you can't leave a relationship after 3 years and get with someone within 2 days and expect it not to be a rebound can you? Not when we had our entire future planned together? We were on holiday a few weeks before and had an amazing romantic time, nothing was wrong and I would have noticed if there was. Same with even a week before!

 

The only thing that really doesn't add up for me is that the weeks before I'd been going through a real unhappy stage. She always told me, both in person and in text that I was the only one for her and that we would work through it and sort things out. I literally even have texts from her the night before we broke up claiming this, then I ended up ruining it by overreacting and after that she just became extremely distant. I trusted this girl with my life and she even told me when we broke up that there was nothing going on, everything happened afterwards. I honestly feel that he knew what was going on and seized a chance.

 

I believe after 3 years of having a guy in her life, and she loved me a lot I did a lot for her, she panicked after we broke up and went straight to this guy. I'm sure she may be attracted to him at least, but I'm 99% sure that she knows he isn't anything close to me in every way relationship wise. He might've been good fun as hanging around for a friend, but when it comes to relationship material me and my ex connected a lot better, with regards to everything.

 

I know the guy was texting her prior to all this, but it was nothing serious and was casual chat. We were all good friends - or so I thought, there was no secret 'xo's' in the message or anything going on behind my back. Just the odd text here and there.

 

She has completely blocked me out and ran away from me. I just don't know if this is her way of dealing with the guilt/shame of it all or if she really is done with me. I'm just wondering as it's been over a week of no contact now if I should keep it up or just really try and get her to talk to me. Anytime I asked to talk up until no contact she said no and needed more time for things to blow over. I'm being treated like her enemy in ways, I think my pleading put her off a bit, but I seriously thought at the time the longer we aren't talking the further she was going to get from me. It's almost like my paranoid thoughts have sent her into it, rather than her actually making a rational decision.

 

Is it likely she is comparing me to this guy still? I just don't see how 3 years could be thrown away so quickly when there was a future planned and I'm just wondering if there will be a point when she will actually sit and talk things out with me or am I just hanging on for a closure that wont happen. I know if she is comparing that it'll take a few weeks but she will realize that I am the better person, I treated her with so much respect and love and honestly didn't do a thing in my life without considering her and she did the same for me. I think our relationship was just at the point were the honeymoon stage was well over and while we were madly in love you do have the odd argument - as does every couple, but this argument just has been blown out of proportions.

 

Can someone give some advice? Am I right at being angry for the person for doing this? It's completely out of character too, as she is not the type of girl to go from guy to guy. Everyone is shocked and believes that I am the better person too, this isn't just myself thinking this.

 

Should I just maintain the no contact and expect something or should I just give it up entirely? Is it likely the no contact will help her think about me and remind her of all the happy times we had and how good I was to her, or is it likely it's been lost? It's been almost a month now but only just over a week of no contact. I just don't understand why she has handled it so badly, I feel I deserve her to come and speak to me in person at least after 3 years of spending every day together. But is this her way of coping and dealing with it all? At the end of the day, I do honestly know that somewhere down the line be it in a few months/years she will realize she has made a massive mistake. I'm extremely confident in saying that. I'm not an arrogant person but I just know that I treated her better, not with spending money etc but just with affection and genuinely caring for her. She just seems to be constantly acting out of character though and just trying to run from it all rather than deal with it - similarly to how she has dealt with things in the past, I know her well.

 

Any input on similar situations/advice is appreciated. Have I ****ed it up with the 2 weeks of begging?

Edited October 11, 2012 by UJK90

[Ami1uwant]

Actually this can happen....

 

With women many seem to be unable to identify themselves alone. Many sting the guy out until somethign better comes along then they flip BFs.

 

This is much more common the younger you guys are.

 

This was already set up before she ended it with you.

[UJK90]

I'm honestly starting to think this myself. I know she will regret this in the future as the guy is nothing compared to me, but it is her own choice. The only thing that doesn't is just how fine things were right up until this point, I think if I hadn't of overreacted in the final text the night before things would've been okay and I just messed up and it all went too far. That and she doesn't seem to have cut me out entirely, she's left lingering things that will constantly remind her of me about the place. We had an argument a few weeks before and she was begging me for it all to work out, which it did. She was never distant up until that point.

 

Is no contact pointless at this stage then? I'm wondering if I should get her to try and just talk to me and at least end things well rather than this awkwardness which is going to occur everytime we see each other which will be often.

 

Horrible thing to happen to you if I'm honest, completely messes you up when the person you trust the most ****s you over so badly. But time is the best healer I guess...

Edited October 11, 2012 by UJK90

[Ami1uwant]

also....you need to move on from her and stop contacting her. Its nice to get some sort of closure and wonder why and what you did wrong but the only way you can do this is by getting in front of her face.

[Ami1uwant]

if you regularly see each other you ned to talk. You have to approach this by not trying to get her back but learning from it and why it happened.

 

This was going to happen no matter what you did. I honestly think she say this other guys and said the grass is greener for whatever reason.

[Mint Sauce]

Hi there UJK90,

 

Your story is not uncommon here. Yes, I'd also think that she was already moving on, testing the waters with the other guy, while you were kept in the dark/she pretended everything was still fine.

 

It's a very immature, selfish way of dealing with other people.

 

The bad news is that, even though the other guy is a downgrade, he only came into the picture because she was not happy with you. Of course, she should have put that on the table, and perhaps you could have worked it out, but she chose not to, and now it's probably too late. You have every reason to be angry at her.

 

My experience (which is of course only 1 case), is that she's not likely to come back to you anytime soon. Sorry to put it so bluntly, but I am myself slightly numbed by the pain from my own BU (mine started with the other guy before ending it with me, equally out of the blue for me).

 

I do think you need another conversation with her, to get the full truth. Don't worry about your own texts, even if they were nasty. They cannot be a reason to stop a 3-yr relationship, or to keep you from getting back together.

 

To me, the real question would be: how long was she already having the emotional affair. If you get a reason to be really angry (e.g she started the EA, and the detachment from you, months ago), that may help you move on and sustain NC (for your own healing!).

 

Good luck

[UJK90]

So tough as I feel extremely led on. She was the person who initiated the thoughts of everything, she was the one who brought up having kids, getting married, a future together.

 

I think I'm going to keep no contact going for a few days more at least. The only issue is it's likely we will be in the same place at the weekend, however I'm just not going to talk or acknowledge her and have a good time.

 

I just know she has made a mistake, whether she feels happy now or not, they wont last and I was better. It's just extremely unfortunate that I'm being completely blocked out like this and we can't even end things neutrally/good as we all have the same friends and will always see each other. Just unnecessary awkwardness. Just really hard when it comes completely out of the blue, I honestly didn't expect it in the slightest, she was always the person who was for staying with me forever, extremely needy for me, etc. Then just one day she showed up distant, we broke up and 2 days later (or possibly less) she's with this guy. I know I did things wrong, but they don't give any sort of reason to what she has did over the past few weeks. Apart from the odd texting there was nothing to hint at this whatsoever, I have 5-6 texts from the night before of her begging that we would be okay and work things out, I don't understand why someone would write that then move onto someone else and have their heart in it.

Edited October 11, 2012 by UJK90

[Mcnulty]

For every girl with a broken heart, there's a guy with a glue gun!

 

Think of it this way, she'll know what type of person she is with...someone who is willing to pursue someone who is taken and someone who she will have to keep a close eye on, if he's done it to you, what's to say he won't do it again when a girl catches his eye.

 

She will feel insecure, trust will be fractured and she will eventually realize what a ****ty thing she and him have done...end of relationship...maybe!

 

This is what happened to me. They're over now, he was a violent, jealous, possesive psycho...apparently she couldn't mention anyone with my first name!

 

And, so it took me 11 months to heal, hear all of this, talk to her, get closure and know now I can move on.

 

What i'm saying is, she's screwed you over mate, but you will get your day...just concentrate on you...strict NC and wait for "what goes around comes around".

[thembones]

Close to the same relationship are you:

- 3 years of nearly honeymoon phase. Loved being together and hated being apart.

- Both talked about marriage, kids, major future talk.

- Everyone thought we were soo good together and for eachother.

- She wanted to be engaged and I waited too long (long story short). So she left me and cited that she waited as long as she could and DID NOT WANT TO TRY ANYMORE. That **** baffles me. That hurts when she does not even want to try.

 

She dumped me. I know my ex is dating, she has just never been alone. As hard as that is to accept and as much as I want to punch whoever he is, there is nothing I can do. I love her and really want her to be happy, even if that means it is not with me. It ****ing sucks, a lot Although she did say she wanted to concentrate on work, but whatever.

[LostOne1]

wow.. this is what happened with me a month ago...

 

3 yrs, she bails out on me... possibly another guy.. though I don't see any signs, but she tells me there is. Could be out of anger though....

 

But man your problems sounds just like mines... All I can say is yes just like me you ****ed up the first few weeks... I did too I ****ed up so bad for the last month of NC I thought it would make her miss me.. in fact it was the opposite. THat whole month she HATED me.. I contacted her last weekend because it was thanksgiving here.

 

She had so much hate inside of her for me.. I'd never seen anyone hate me that much before. Some how by the 2nd day I calmed her down to a point where it seemed like her hate was gone. Since then I haven't talked to her and have let her be. I had sent an greetingcard/email, which I noticed she read.. but so far no contact from her end still.

 

All I can say man is... maybe she will come around. It depends on what made her leave? Mines left as she told me was because she was tired of putting in ALL the effort, and tired of me who had stopped. So she decided enough was enough and left. Doesn't mean it's over, because she did say she notices the changes in me now. But obviously it's tough for her to take me back as well and take that risk of all the garbage that was said to each other.

 

Best thing to do is take a month off and give it time. After a month of NC I digested LOTS of info about us and myself. I realized how as her angel.. I had fallen quite far down. And now when I realize it and see and slowly am rising back up. It's tough to know I might not get to be her angel anymore... and that's tough.

[LostOne1]

Close to the same relationship are you:

- 3 years of nearly honeymoon phase. Loved being together and hated being apart.

- Both talked about marriage, kids, major future talk.

- Everyone thought we were soo good together and for eachother.

- She wanted to be engaged and I waited too long (long story short). So she left me and cited that she waited as long as she could and DID NOT WANT TO TRY ANYMORE. That **** baffles me. That hurts when she does not even want to try.

 

She dumped me. I know my ex is dating, she has just never been alone. As hard as that is to accept and as much as I want to punch whoever he is, there is nothing I can do. I love her and really want her to be happy, even if that means it is not with me. It ****ing sucks, a lot Although she did say she wanted to concentrate on work, but whatever.

man another same story as mines...

 

Exactly the same... except at the end of the day it was partly my fault that pushed her to that limit.

 

Though I think if someone loves you and knows your intentions, that they would still take you back and try and WANT to try... but I don't know.. some people work in weird ways I suppose.

[thembones]

man another same story as mines...

 

Exactly the same... except at the end of the day it was partly my fault that pushed her to that limit.

 

Though I think if someone loves you and knows your intentions, that they would still take you back and try and WANT to try... but I don't know.. some people work in weird ways I suppose.

 

It seems that our stories are all too common on here. I guess it is "nice" to know that people are going through basically the same thing that I am. It is a nice support system and most people have the same problems generally.

 

It was my fault. I should have asked her to marry me. I had a ring.

As she said, it is better that it happened now rather than when we were married or had kids. She is not a very patient person. She will realize that guys are not up and ready to get engaged asap; or my fear, that one dickwad who is and asks her within 3 months. FML if that happens... and his.

[Pacman]

This happened with me as well

 

Out of the blue, she said she would like to try and be single. She missed being single and wanted space, so I gave it to her.

 

couple days later shes in a relationship with another guy.

 

I was baffled. She apologized and wanted to be friends. She said she never meant to hurt me.

 

I'm not one of those clingy guys so I kicked her to the curb.

 

She still texts me here and there apologizing, but I don't even text back. I blocked her number. So now when I see them at the bars she makes sure to make out with him in front of me.

 

I'll get the last laugh. The next girl I'll be dating will be 10x mature and 10x hotter and 10x way better and I'll be way buff, way more confident and way more of a man

 

Enjoy your boy you hussy