feel lost

[sunnyme]

I just posted on another thread but have just seen this so here we go .

 

I have been with my husband for 15 years married for 10 . when i met him i had 3 children and then we had a son who is now 14 . For the first few years it was great but then found out he was messing with drugs but he then stopped , he always liked a beer so never thought much of it but as the years went by and he just got worse and over the past 5 years its been hell i have had to put up with his vile abbuse and calling me names in front of the kids hes put holes in doors smashed stuff and was vile .

 

About 5 years ago he got really bad depression and i would come home from work and he would have taken pills so had to call an ambulance and this happened 3 more times , i told him he had to go and he went crazy the kids were crying and i had to get his dad to come and get him out the house this had gone on for a few years but since last year its got worse he promised he would stop drinking and he would go to turning point so he turnt up there with his mum at 9am and was pissed and when the guy told him hes an alcholic he kicked off and got kicked out then the guy reported it to social services because the way he was , i still took him back again because he would call me crying saying give him another chance he wil change he wont drink and all the same old **** so i did .

 

His depression is that bad he had to go under the mental health team and they think it may be bipola because he does it so often. Things were ok for a while then he was lying about how many drinks he had and was taking my bank card to get money out then a few weeks ago when i was at work he asked for money and he was getting really pissed off because we were out and i would pay at the end of the evening with the card then he was shouing at me so i gave it to him and he went and got cocaine out of it which i have since found out hes been doing it a lot , about a month ago i left for work and my 21 year old called saying he had to call the police as he had him by the throat and when the police came and they would not let him get a beer out the car he kicked off and had to be pepper sprayed and got arrested and this was in front of our 14 year old son .

 

well last week his drinking got that bad he was drinking about 15 cans a nite and was wetting the bed so i said thats enough get out so he went off nite fishing and was saying he cant live without me and please lets try and he loved me and i was falling for it and then out the blue 2 days later sayin he dont love me and wants his stuff it was like a smack in the face as he was cold and didnt give a **** i then got a bit parinoid and remembered that he was messaging my sons ex girlfriend who was always in our house and had this gut feeling and he told me he was seeing her . my world fell apart and i begged and begged saying i will do anything for him to come back and he said no , ive cried for days and days and cry all the time because i miss him so much . he said can we be friends but i just cant it hurts to much but now hes texting to c how i am and what have i been up to and stupid stuff and its messing my head up ,,,,,oh and he said hes happy now not stressed and doesent drink atall in the week REALLY , but cant stop wanting him back

[sunnyme]

forgot to mention that this girl who is with now my sons ex is 20 years younger than him

[Tibby321]

It's so difficult to see someone we care for on self distruct. I have being there with my son and only they can sort themselves out. What you must do is care for yourself first. Put yourself first and if he has now left do not expect him to come back, move on with your life.

The sooner you accept this the sooner things will improve for you. We all miss those that are no longer in our life and there is no easy way to get over it, we go through grief but it gets better. The awful part is that it can take longer than we want. Cry alot and feel the pain you will heal quicker. Thougths are with you.