AnotherRound Posted October 15, 2012 Posted October 15, 2012 My marriage was truly awesome for me (and by all accounts for her) - until it wasn't. It was nearly perfect until I started talking about my challenges with work and my doctoral degree. She freaked out. We are now divorced. There is always more to the story, but this was the trigger for us. The underlying cause I believe was her extreme insecurity. I had not control over this. So now I tell everyone who will listen - "go ahead men, open up to your wives and be totally honest with her" Let me know how that works out for you. I don't want to threadjack, but I'm interested in this. Are you implying that your total honesty with your wife was the demise of your marriage? I would be interested in knowing that story. Because I want someone to be totally honest with me about everything - when I ask if I look fat, I really want an honest answer - bc I can find something that makes me look less fat!!!!! lol If you could lead me to your story here, I would be very interested in reading it... Thanks!
woinlove Posted October 15, 2012 Posted October 15, 2012 My marriage was truly awesome for me (and by all accounts for her) - until it wasn't. It was nearly perfect until I started talking about my challenges with work and my doctoral degree. She freaked out. We are now divorced. There is always more to the story, but this was the trigger for us. The underlying cause I believe was her extreme insecurity. I had not control over this. So now I tell everyone who will listen - "go ahead men, open up to your wives and be totally honest with her" Let me know how that works out for you. Sorry to hear that, but it sounds like she wasn't the woman for you IF you wanted a real life partner, someone you could be close to and intimate with, and who accepted the real you. My H and I are open and honest about everything, and I want that type of intimacy, and, to me, it feels great to have the real me loved and to love the real him. I'm beginning to understand not everyone wants that level of intimacy and closeness, but we do. I'm not sure I expected M to be easy or hard, I think I kind of expected it to be like life itself, sometimes easy, sometimes challenging, always changing, and that is the way I have found it to be. I like that and have come to see some of life's challenges, deaths of loved ones, severe illnesses,..., to all be part of the experience of living a long life. I embrace it all, delight in the ups and know the the downs are a bit easier for having a loving life-partner to share them with. I think M, like life, is great and I hope I get to keep experiencing and contributing to both for many more years.
sunshinegirl Posted October 15, 2012 Posted October 15, 2012 I don't get why everybody is saying marriage is so hard because mine is pretty easy. The author of this article seems to agree. Can anybody here relate to this and do the people around sometimes try to bring your happiness down? Kate Fridkis: How Hard Does Marriage Really Have To Be? My marriage hasn't been hard by any stretch, and we've been through a lot in just two years: we bought a house, I got cancer, my mom was dx with Parkinson's, and we had a baby. Having a rock solid - and mature - partner made the stresses of these life events totally bearable. We cut each other slack, we fight well, we communicate well, and we have each others' backs. I agree with others that kids get a bad rap. We are having a total blast with our 6 month old. We're on the same team and pitch in wherever and however needed. Not to say that we're never cranky or overtired, but the joy of having a healthy, happy child far, far outweighs the less fun parts of parenthood. 2
Prime Vera Posted October 15, 2012 Posted October 15, 2012 I always thought the "Marriage is hard work" saying must be true, based on all the miserable couples I knew, not to mention my two first marriages. #1 was a beater, #2 was a cheater. Marriage to my husband is the opposite. It drives itself. It took me a while to believe it could be so easy. So THIS is what a good relationship is! We spend 24/7 together and like it that way. We don't argue or have power struggles. We're nice to each other. It's pretty simple. It's called compatibility, and I think it's fairly uncommon. I don't think I'm anything special, or even particularly smart as far as relationships go, I think I just got lucky, finally.
TurningTables Posted October 16, 2012 Posted October 16, 2012 Lol. Most of you who responded to this thread has only been married a short time. Come back in 10 years and respond again. 1
xxoo Posted October 16, 2012 Posted October 16, 2012 Lol. Most of you who responded to this thread has only been married a short time. Come back in 10 years and respond again. Year 10 was great. Year 20 was even better! 4
Pyro Posted October 16, 2012 Posted October 16, 2012 Lol. Most of you who responded to this thread has only been married a short time. Come back in 10 years and respond again. No problem. 2
woinlove Posted October 16, 2012 Posted October 16, 2012 Lol. Most of you who responded to this thread has only been married a short time. Come back in 10 years and respond again. Married 25 years and my experience is like xxoo's - M was good early on and get even better. 1
GoodOnPaper Posted October 16, 2012 Posted October 16, 2012 It's called compatibility, and I think it's fairly uncommon. I don't think I'm anything special, or even particularly smart as far as relationships go, I think I just got lucky, finally. I'm sure that I'm in a small minority, but I've always found the compatibility part -- thinking of it in terms of enjoying each other's company and being nice to each other -- to be pretty easy. It's the intimacy part that's difficult -- I blame that on my having such a difficult time attracting women when I was single.
BetheButterfly Posted October 17, 2012 Posted October 17, 2012 I don't get why everybody is saying marriage is so hard because mine is pretty easy. The author of this article seems to agree. Can anybody here relate to this and do the people around sometimes try to bring your happiness down? Kate Fridkis: How Hard Does Marriage Really Have To Be? My first marriage was very hard. My ex-husband and I didn't mesh very well, which my parents warned us about but we ignorantly believed that "Love conquers all." My marriage now (and we have only been married for a year) is super duper easy!!! The reason our marriage is amazing is because of my husband!!! From what I have experienced, I believe the following ingredients are how a marriage can be easy and not hard: 1. Importance on kindness and respect. If the people in a couple are not kind to each other and respect each other, that makes marriage a hard, uncomfortable commitment. 2. Shared goals in life. If people have two very different set goals (like one wants to have kids and the other doesn't) that makes marriage very hard. 3. Caring communication. In the fights my husband and I have had, they have all been little things that are quickly solved through caring communication. It makes me so grateful that my husband places great importance in us talking together and resolving issues. My instinct is to just simply run away and give him the silent treatment. However, he follows me, holds my hands, looks deep into my eyes, and asks me what is wrong. I was surprised the first times he did this because my ex-husband never ever did that. However, my husband's persistence of effective communication has greatly strengthened our love and our marriage. 4. Humility and forgiveness. My husband has told me he's sorry for things that most people would not consider a big deal. However, he knows they bother me after we talk and he apologizes and doesn't do it again. I follow his example. Once we have asked each other for forgiveness, we forgive each other and we make it a point to not do the offense again. 5. Acceptance and tolerance. I am a goofball sometimes and my husband accepts me anyways!!! He loves me even when I am a klutz. He enjoys discussing with me even when we have different views on things. I have grown to accept his sarcastic and dry sense of humor (which at first I didn't get but sarcasm fascinates me.) 6. A good sense of humor. My husband and I laugh about a LOT of things. We also enjoy teasing each other. Laughter and enjoying having fun together makes marriage so easy and fun!!! 7. Making precious memories/ enjoying awesome experiences together! Life is short; time is limited. It's important to remember that and to not waste time but rather enjoy it! Even routine things such as cooking or taking out the garbage together can be great experiences/memories because time spent together is precious!!!
Krytie TV Posted October 17, 2012 Posted October 17, 2012 I don't get why everybody is saying marriage is so hard because mine is pretty easy. The author of this article seems to agree. Can anybody here relate to this and do the people around sometimes try to bring your happiness down? I'm with you, but have to take it a step further. Not only is my marriage awesomely easy, but so is being a parent. I'm sure the ease of parenting probably stems from the way my wife and I address the needs of the home but yeah, I hear you. I have always thought that if you have to try hard to make something work, then it's not a good situation.
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