Woggle Posted October 11, 2012 Posted October 11, 2012 I don't get why everybody is saying marriage is so hard because mine is pretty easy. The author of this article seems to agree. Can anybody here relate to this and do the people around sometimes try to bring your happiness down? Kate Fridkis: How Hard Does Marriage Really Have To Be?
carhill Posted October 11, 2012 Posted October 11, 2012 "He's really nice to me. I try to be nice to him back" There's a lot of good information in this for men. IMO, 'easy' is when the M, the partnership, the entity created by the love and commitment of both partners, is the clear and proactive priority for *both* partners. Two years in, I would have said our M was easier than I ever though it would be. A couple weeks after our second anniversary, that all changed in a moment. One makes plans and then life intervenes. It is what it is.
pink_sugar Posted October 11, 2012 Posted October 11, 2012 To me, marriage isn't much different than living together, other than the legal aspects. But the commitment and partnership was more difficult than I expected. If I had the choice, I would have stayed at home longer before moving out together. 1
xxoo Posted October 11, 2012 Posted October 11, 2012 I never thought marriage would be hard And marriage isn't hard, ime. Life is hard. Working and raising a family is hard. Making ends meet is hard. But my relationship with my spouse is primarily a great joy and comfort. Life would be so much harder for me unmarried. 6
threebyfate Posted October 11, 2012 Posted October 11, 2012 Marriage has never been stressful for me, whether first or second. The only reason why my first marriage ended was because of his infidelity which was a byproduct of his NPD. Everyone says that children stress marriages. We haven't found this. While our two have caused us stress, it's brought us even closer since we lean more heavily on each other's support (within reason). We stand as a united team.
melodymatters Posted October 11, 2012 Posted October 11, 2012 I agree with ALL the posters above me ! Yes, it can be wonderfully easy if you both are super nice, healthy people who prioritize the marriage, and yes, the fear is that one day, one partner will "flip" out and it all can change on a dime. This Sat will be our one year wedding anniversary and I NEVER knew marriage could be this easy or this fun, and this ain't my first pony ride, so.... Yeah, it depends on the parties involved, pretty much like everything else in life ! 1
xxoo Posted October 11, 2012 Posted October 11, 2012 Everyone says that children stress marriages. We haven't found this. While our two have caused us stress, it's brought us even closer since we lean more heavily on each other's support (within reason). We stand as a united team. We've grown closer as parents, too. Any stress, whether it is kids or anything else, can bring a couple closer or tear them apart. Kids get a bad rap.
Pyro Posted October 11, 2012 Posted October 11, 2012 It's very easy when neither of the two try to play power games and understand that both people are equals. It also helps when you can communicate without fear to your partner (hint hint Woggle) So far this marriage is a blast. 4
threebyfate Posted October 11, 2012 Posted October 11, 2012 We've grown closer as parents, too. Any stress, whether it is kids or anything else, can bring a couple closer or tear them apart. Kids get a bad rap.Can't agree with this more. Makes me wonder how many of these "kid torn" marriages are where parents consider what they do for their children, to be forms of "sacrificing". 1
Author Woggle Posted October 11, 2012 Author Posted October 11, 2012 It's very easy when neither of the two try to play power games and understand that both people are equals. It also helps when you can communicate without fear to your partner (hint hint Woggle) So far this marriage is a blast. I have gotten much better at that. It is scary but I know I need to take that step.
whichwayisup Posted October 12, 2012 Posted October 12, 2012 I have gotten much better at that. It is scary but I know I need to take that step. The trust is there, at least fully on one side. You know this and I DO believe you fully want to trust your wife, let go and let the walls completely down. I get that you're scared to be completely vunerable.. Take that leap/chance Woggle. Your wife has done absolutely NOTHING wrong, she's gone above and beyond to prove to you how much she loves you and she's always had your back. Do it. Don't spend too much time thinking about it..Just follow your heart and go from there. Your heart knows what it wants, time to let your brain shut off and let your heart take over. It's very easy when neither of the two try to play power games and understand that both people are equals. Exactly! And I'll take it a step further... No name calling, no swearing at one another. BIG RULE in our house. Neither of us have ever crossed that line.
Pyro Posted October 12, 2012 Posted October 12, 2012 I have gotten much better at that. It is scary but I know I need to take that step. I agree that you have and you have seen the reward for opening up. The greater the risk the greater the reward. 1
GoodOnPaper Posted October 12, 2012 Posted October 12, 2012 Single life was stressful because life was too empty. Married life is stressful because life is too busy . . . On top of all the singlehood-related insecurities that I had hoped would have been erased upon getting married.
CarboniteCammy Posted October 12, 2012 Posted October 12, 2012 My husband and I have had a stressful year. We got pregnant, got a house, got married, and had a baby in a 9 month period. We've now been together for a year and four months total and things are finally settling down. With that being said, we're probably doing better then expected. I've had my share of freak outs about the situation (probably due to hormones and being off my anti depressants for quite some time) but I'm getting my act together and am back on my meds and now both of us are much happier. I really enjoy sharing my life with my husband. Communication and cutting each other slack is HUGE.
Radagast Posted October 12, 2012 Posted October 12, 2012 Marriage the second time around is much easier than I expected. Though the first time was a nightmare! 1
Author Woggle Posted October 12, 2012 Author Posted October 12, 2012 Marriage the second time around is much easier than I expected. Though the first time was a nightmare! My story is pretty much the same.
AnotherRound Posted October 13, 2012 Posted October 13, 2012 I have heard that second marriages tend to last longer, and people report more happiness - that's my hope! lol If I ever get married again, but I honestly probably won't bc the first time around was so miserable for me. It wasn't hard - except that I was miserable and wanted out but couldn't figure out how to fix it (alone, he wasn't going to help with that) or how to get out of it. It was a huge step to ask for a divorce, but I'm so glad that I did. I think that I learned a lot about relationships, and about myself, in that process though - and I'm hoping that it serves me well in future relationships. It has already come in handy in some of my relationships - and I am much quicker at getting out now when I know I need to bc I know that waiting didn't work for me, and probably won't. I think a relationship shouldn't be constantly hard, or constantly easy. There is a happy medium, imo. If it's constantly hard, then the two people are probably not a good match. It there's never any disagreement or discord, then the two people are probably not connecting or are not invested. All I ask for in any relationship is a balance of the two...
Robert Z Posted October 13, 2012 Posted October 13, 2012 I don't get why everybody is saying marriage is so hard... They met my ex?
Author Woggle Posted October 13, 2012 Author Posted October 13, 2012 They met my ex? My ex is probably just as bad but it's all about who you marry. 4
Robert Z Posted October 13, 2012 Posted October 13, 2012 My ex is probably just as bad but it's all about who you marry. 2nd marriages have a lower success rate than first marriages. I think there is something to be said for whether all people are cut out for marriage. I'm even starting to think we really do need a limited marriage license that expires after so many years, unless renewed. I am firmly convinced that my ex never should have married anyone under any circumstances.
standtall Posted October 13, 2012 Posted October 13, 2012 (edited) 17 yrs in and my marriage is great. Was it always easy..no, but you have to make it work. My wife has my six, and I have hers. Edited October 13, 2012 by standtall 1
strongnrelaxed Posted October 15, 2012 Posted October 15, 2012 My marriage was truly awesome for me (and by all accounts for her) - until it wasn't. It was nearly perfect until I started talking about my challenges with work and my doctoral degree. She freaked out. We are now divorced. There is always more to the story, but this was the trigger for us. The underlying cause I believe was her extreme insecurity. I had not control over this. So now I tell everyone who will listen - "go ahead men, open up to your wives and be totally honest with her" Let me know how that works out for you.
angie2443 Posted October 15, 2012 Posted October 15, 2012 They met my ex? I have not met your ex, but I've seen enough of your posts to get the impression that it must have been a nightmare living with you. I do not mean to be disrespectful, but you have, IMO, been very insultive to women your age, and sometimes to women in general. A marriage can't be easy when someone has such a nasty attitude. I'm just calling it as I see it.
angie2443 Posted October 15, 2012 Posted October 15, 2012 My ex is probably just as bad but it's all about who you marry. In your case Woggle, I believe you. You seem like a good guy who is now married to a good woman. If you keep going in the direction your headed (judging by your posts over the years), you and your wife have it made:)
AnotherRound Posted October 15, 2012 Posted October 15, 2012 2nd marriages have a lower success rate than first marriages. I think there is something to be said for whether all people are cut out for marriage. I'm even starting to think we really do need a limited marriage license that expires after so many years, unless renewed. I am firmly convinced that my ex never should have married anyone under any circumstances. I don't know why I was thinking that 2nd marriages had a better success rate than first ones, but I looked it up after reading your post here and you were right. It's like 80% divorce rate on 2nd ones, holy cow. For me, my exH wasn't a bad guy - but I sure brought out the worst in him, and he me. So, I don't think he shouldn't ever be married - just he should have never been married to me, and vice versa, lol. I know that there are people out there though that really should NEVER be in any intimate relationships (abusive and such), but I think those people are pretty rare. To me, it just seems like this huge crap shoot on finding someone whose faults and flaws compliment your own - and that's so hard to do, especially as we get older and older, lol. Anyway, thanks for the correction on 2nd marriages - I learned something from it.
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