dedone Posted October 11, 2012 Posted October 11, 2012 so here goes ......... Met my now ex girl-friend 4 months ago . happened innocently .she walked by my place on her way home from work daily,i was walking my dog ,she loved animals we struck up a conversation. one day i ws having a b.b.q. invited her over,she accepted..sarted to get to know her she lived 2 blocks away [ moved back home with her dad and step mom after a divorce ] she was currently seperated from a guy .we became friends.the relationship with the guy ended .we started seeing each other / hanging out .A month later pretty much datting [ exclusivly] . she was 37 , i am 43 .things were going good .MY dog is basically dying of cancer , she carred and offerd her assistance [ go to the vet wih me etc . ]. I had some night jobs to do ,she offerd to stay by my place so my dog wouldn't be alone .all good stuff... HER dad and step mom were talking re-claiming their house . she had recently lost her job . i offerd her to stay with me , she accepted - moved in [ with her cat ]. things went great .we ate dinner together, shopped,took care of the animals,re arrangedthings . the stuff couples do .the relationship grew deeper we were saying ''i love you'' kissing before bed time calls to me at work to ''have a good day'', ''what would you like for dinner'' o.k. i felt like i'd won the lottery ... ONE night end of September after dinner ,watching t.v. i'm falling asleep on the couch . she goes into bed to read . a bit later i hear my front door opening ,get up she comes in she went outside for a cigareete .goes up-stairs to bed ,i hear her stumble-i get up go up-stairs she's downin a handfull of pills , i rush over to her asking what she's doing,she says ''i'm taking my pills'' no doctor tells you take a handfulls worth ,she goes to take more.i stop her asking her what's wrong. no-reply ,she lays down mumbeling stuff.i call 9 1 1 .she ends up in the hospital ,goes into a coma her parents were on vacation ,i sit in the e.r. dept for hours [ only family can go back i just wanted her to know someone carred and was their ].her parents return home get my phone message go visit her ,find out another 3 min and she would have not made it if not for me. they thank me saying i saved the daughters life .she gets put into a hospital room after she came out of the coma [ 8 days] i visit ,bring her things . she gets transferd to a mental health facility [ she didn't admit to trying to overdose or doesn't remember ]i visit her their which is about 4 towns away [ an hours drive] she' acting o.k. to me .even calls me at home checking on me ,my dog,her cat ... finds out she'll be getting re-leased BUT will need follow up therapy her car was broke and had engine issues .i step up sell my car to fix hers . A week from getting re-released her attitude changes towards me , i've done nothingto warrant this. she calls me [ sounds like she has an attitude towards me] her parents say maybe it's the medication she's on ..THEN she informs me when she's re-leased she'll be goingto stay with a girl-friend 2 hrs. away .I wasn't her reason for her suicide attempt [ am sure of that ] and everyone agrees .she's got some deep issues with some things . SHE gets re-leased shows up at my house with her mom [ not her step mom ] and a cop to get her things .we talk briefly , she appreciates all i've done for her BUT now she's going to be selfish anddo what she wants to do [ she says ] . i say that was a quick relationship ,she comes back with ''what gave me the idea we were in a relationship'',i mention well living together for 2 months,me taking care of your cat car,keeping your belongings safe ,she tells meshe'll give me cat boarding fees,and storage fees SHE calls me one night asking if i had something of hers she can;'t find it ,i say i don't have it but would look around , we talk some basically i'm a piece of garbage , she's soo done i should F... off ,she's not living with a girl-friend towns away as she claimed [ can tell by the phone number]i do find what she misplaced call and tell her and offer to get it to her she asks ''why so you can find out where i'm living F you'' her dad comes and picks up the item. no one knows why this is going on ,everyone tells her her attitude towards me is wrong etc . we never fought,argued,raised voices nothing . we have not spoken in a week now she hasn't even called to see how the dog is [ knowing i'll have to put him down sooner than later] I believe we wont speak again .i'm NOT going to go to counceling,therapy or anything . the whole situation buggs the hell out of me ,keeps me up at nights . feelings i had for her [ strong feelings] are turned OFF [ if she can turn hers off for me like she did ] then i will for her ....it hurts ,hurts bad ....
Calico Posted October 11, 2012 Posted October 11, 2012 I'm not a psychologist, but my guess here is that on some level she blames you for the failed suicide attempt. It would explain the hostility. She may not actually do that consciously, but the result is the same anyway. There is probably nothing you can do, other than keeping firmly in mind that this is not your fault. (And DO keep that in mind: None of this is your fault. You did not cause a mental instability. That is hers, don't make it yours.) This sounds like a mental issue and she'll need the therapy and perhaps medication. There is a chance that she'll come around when she gets better, but at this point in time this is a no-win situation and you need to bow out of this gracefully and quickly before it tears you apart. (I'd send her a letter where you explain that you care deeply, but that you feel that there is currently nothing that you can do, but that if she needs you, to get in touch. Letter, not e-mail. Include a small stuffed animal.)
Author dedone Posted October 11, 2012 Author Posted October 11, 2012 Hi first off my screen name wasn't what i thought i typed in .it says ''dedone'' i obviously misstyped was going for ''deadone'' . a first time poster here .possably a last post also .i am not seeking out any answers i know i cannot get that here , not seeking advice on how to deal with being dummped . and i've already heard all those cliches .so i guess i'm just sharring my situation . which baffels and confuses even haunts me [ in a way ] .
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