sunnyme Posted October 11, 2012 Posted October 11, 2012 right where do i start .... i was with my partner for 15 years married for 10 . the last 5 years have been very hard as he id very drink dependent and suffers really bad with depression, i have made him leave about 4 times in the last year as could not cope with his drinking which was every day s soon as he got in from work about 4 till he went to bed drunk. when he went before he tried to overdose and begged and begged so i took him back with the promise that he will no longer drink which lasted about a month , i had to call the police on him as he attacked my son , smashed stuff in the house and my life was horible then last weekend where he gets so drunk he wets the bed and i said thats it u have to go so he went off nite fishing saying he loved me and cant live without me and text the next day saying he loved me then the next day he said our marrige is over and he wanted his stuff . i found out he had beed texting someone who turned out to be my sons ex which is his stepsons ex , i was devestated and have begged and begged and he said he dosent love me any more and now wants to be with this girl who is 20 years younger than him . the thing is he texts me every day to ask if im working or how am i and is driving me mad .
Author sunnyme Posted October 11, 2012 Author Posted October 11, 2012 i know it sounds strange because he is such a vile and nasty person but i miss him so much , ican eat or sleep and feel like my heart has been ripped out
geegirl Posted October 11, 2012 Posted October 11, 2012 (edited) i know it sounds strange because he is such a vile and nasty person but i miss him so much , ican eat or sleep and feel like my heart has been ripped out I don't think it's so much "missing him" but more so you lack any sort of self-respect or self-esteem. You're broken. It's an addiction. He's addicted to you and you him. Two dysfunctional people clinging on to each other. He doesn't love you anymore and wants to be with someone else. And you take his calls. What does that tell you about yourself? You lack the capacity to love yourself. You'll do anything to get a little love and attention even when it's breaking you in two and even when it does not want you. I don't know what to say except that maybe you will most likely have to hit rock bottom to want better for yourself. You chose to stay in this dysfunction and toxicity and you will probably keep doing it until you can't take it anymore. It's fine to "miss" the jerk, but understand he is your source of pain. He cannot give you anything and he cannot comfort you. You miss him. You talk to him. THEN WHAT? You are back where you started. NOTHING CHANGES. There is no alternative to escaping the pain. You have to feel it. You have to go through it to get past it. He texts you because you are a crutch. Not because he loves you or cares for you. Because you've always been his crutch and his addiction. Addiction does not equate to love or any type of positive emotion. Edited October 11, 2012 by geegirl 1
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