Svet74 Posted October 13, 2012 Posted October 13, 2012 I went back to both. One we hung out a couple of times but she was over me, stopped responding to me and is married with child today. The other one simply wouldn't give me the time of day. She had made up her mind. These women, thinking back, were marriage material. I just realized too late. well thats kinda of like. Im ready to settle down and get married and just waiting for the right guy. And my ex knows that as well, but he never wanted me to move on just in case he changed his mind. he would make contact with me every month. The longest we had NC was for 3 months. its been a yr. But he never says straight up i want you back or work things out. he will just act interested and then once he knows for sure that im not over him like if i act a certain way or he might joke to see if il be jelous, once he gets the feeling im still on his mind or maybe want him then he backs off. There were times where i just asked him straight up what was up or even asked myself to work things out and then he would just say i told you its over. SO whats the point of contacting me a month later?
Simon Phoenix Posted October 13, 2012 Posted October 13, 2012 I think it depends on the situation. Most of the time I lethey want to be done with it and don't feel the emotional whatever the dumpee goes through, probably because they've worked through all of that in their head before lowering the boom. However, I think there are cases where dumpers dump as a preliminary strike or as a protective measure from not getting hurt by the dumpee (which is pretty much what happened to me IMO), and in that case there's some anger, sadness, bitterness, etc. I know my ex was acting like the jilted dumpee rather than the dumper when I saw her for the first time after the break. But I'd say that's rare. 1
Svet74 Posted October 13, 2012 Posted October 13, 2012 I think it depends on the situation. Most of the time I lethey want to be done with it and don't feel the emotional whatever the dumpee goes through, probably because they've worked through all of that in their head before lowering the boom. However, I think there are cases where dumpers dump as a preliminary strike or as a protective measure from not getting hurt by the dumpee (which is pretty much what happened to me IMO), and in that case there's some anger, sadness, bitterness, etc. I know my ex was acting like the jilted dumpee rather than the dumper when I saw her for the first time after the break. But I'd say that's rare. that happened with me with my first ex. I was crazy in love and he started getting distant. so i accused him of cheating and dumped him. Of course he was not trying to beg me back at all. Just acted like whatever. then wouldnt answer my calls. I later then did find out he was cheating. It was a short relationship but i was bitter about it for a while
NavyAirTraffic Posted October 13, 2012 Posted October 13, 2012 well thats kinda of like. Im ready to settle down and get married and just waiting for the right guy. And my ex knows that as well, but he never wanted me to move on just in case he changed his mind. he would make contact with me every month. The longest we had NC was for 3 months. its been a yr. But he never says straight up i want you back or work things out. he will just act interested and then once he knows for sure that im not over him like if i act a certain way or he might joke to see if il be jelous, once he gets the feeling im still on his mind or maybe want him then he backs off. There were times where i just asked him straight up what was up or even asked myself to work things out and then he would just say i told you its over. SO whats the point of contacting me a month later? I say he's stringing you along. 1 year! That's a long time to not have figured it out. Your choice, keep being strung along or take action and regain yourself. My ex made up her mind and moved on, I guess I should be happy my ex wants nothing to do with me and hasn't contacted me.
Simon Phoenix Posted October 13, 2012 Posted October 13, 2012 that happened with me with my first ex. I was crazy in love and he started getting distant. so i accused him of cheating and dumped him. Of course he was not trying to beg me back at all. Just acted like whatever. then wouldnt answer my calls. I later then did find out he was cheating. It was a short relationship but i was bitter about it for a while I wasn't cheating and I really really did like her, I just got scared and pulled the eject lever because I generally don't get attached and I had a ton of alcohol that night. She took it horribly though, obviously. I've seen her a couple times since then and talked to her a couple other times, but it alternates from breadcrumbs to pulling teeth to withdrawal.
sendme Posted October 13, 2012 Posted October 13, 2012 That's how it looks Sendme. You aren't going to reply, did he leave you for someone else or did you just split? SVET.... he didn't leave me for someONE else... he had several other women on the leash.... he cheated on me nearly a dozen times in the past 4 months, all the while buying me a ring, and swearing he didn't want us to be over... in the meantime any girl who looks at him in a bar will promptly find herself under him... We split because he was cheating habitually and all the while saying he couldn't trust me, while I was being faithful.... I know that he's been with some of these women consistently since we split... but I don't think he's looking for a relationship... just the ego boost of having "ho's in different zip codes" if that makes sense
Svet74 Posted October 14, 2012 Posted October 14, 2012 I say he's stringing you along. 1 year! That's a long time to not have figured it out. Your choice, keep being strung along or take action and regain yourself. My ex made up her mind and moved on, I guess I should be happy my ex wants nothing to do with me and hasn't contacted me. yeah thats what i figured. will no more. ive pretty much let him go for good over 2 months ago. and maintanced strict NC. a couple times was broken because he owes me money. and thats pretty much it
lil hoodlum Posted October 14, 2012 Posted October 14, 2012 I think it depends on the situation. Most of the time I lethey want to be done with it and don't feel the emotional whatever the dumpee goes through, probably because they've worked through all of that in their head before lowering the boom. However, I think there are cases where dumpers dump as a preliminary strike or as a protective measure from not getting hurt by the dumpee (which is pretty much what happened to me IMO), and in that case there's some anger, sadness, bitterness, etc. I know my ex was acting like the jilted dumpee rather than the dumper when I saw her for the first time after the break. But I'd say that's rare. My ex broke up with me or really she just walked away "not sure how she felt and confused!" She also has acted like the jilted dumpee! I can not for the life of me figure out why she acts like this. I'm wondering if she was trying to do it as a protective measure or if she is passive aggressive. I believe she had held onto these grudges and put a wall around her heart so as not to get hurt.
Simon Phoenix Posted October 15, 2012 Posted October 15, 2012 My ex broke up with me or really she just walked away "not sure how she felt and confused!" She also has acted like the jilted dumpee! I can not for the life of me figure out why she acts like this. I'm wondering if she was trying to do it as a protective measure or if she is passive aggressive. I believe she had held onto these grudges and put a wall around her heart so as not to get hurt. I definitely feel like it's a protective measure. I guess she can't get hurt if she cuts it off right?
lil hoodlum Posted October 15, 2012 Posted October 15, 2012 I definitely feel like it's a protective measure. I guess she can't get hurt if she cuts it off right? It is was it feels like! I'm not perfect and have made a few mistakes, nothing a little communication wouldn't clear up. But yes, you are right, break my heart before I can break hers. The thing that gets me though, most people who I know would do anything for the person that they love. If she would have talked to me about what was bothering her I would have been more than happy for us to work out a comprimise so that we would have both been happy. Now it just seems that all three of us are getting the short-end of the stick! My ex, her daughter, and I.
Simon Phoenix Posted October 16, 2012 Posted October 16, 2012 It is was it feels like! I'm not perfect and have made a few mistakes, nothing a little communication wouldn't clear up. But yes, you are right, break my heart before I can break hers. The thing that gets me though, most people who I know would do anything for the person that they love. If she would have talked to me about what was bothering her I would have been more than happy for us to work out a comprimise so that we would have both been happy. Now it just seems that all three of us are getting the short-end of the stick! My ex, her daughter, and I. That sucks that a kid is involved. My situation doesn't sound as serious as yours -- it was a short relationship and I had an extreme moment of cold feet three months ago and went on a drunken rant because I was getting really attached and it scared me. I immediately regretted what I'd done, but she withdrew and it's been limited communication, with spots of no communication (which I'm in right now), a couple of encounters (she's the sister-in-law of my best friend and I had to hang out with her twice in a group setting) and a few bread crumbs. I have never had a chance to tell her why I did what I did. It wasn't appropriate when I saw her and I don't want to be a lameass and text or write a letter/e-mail. While I want to still, I'm almost like "f--k it". I apologized after the fact, I tried to get a hold of her several times without her getting back to me. She knows my number, she knows where I live. I just find it kind of lame that a drunken mistake could cause a great connection to go kaput just like that, but I'm not going to beg and plead for her time. I get that she felt hurt/confused/freaked out/angered, but s--t happens and I clearly didn't mean it out of malice.
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