Author Jingle14 Posted October 11, 2012 Author Posted October 11, 2012 I care what he thinks and sucks knowing the kindest thing is leaving him to think i don't care/love him so he can get over me . I'll always love him very much and care about his happiness though. Makes it hard to keep up NC especially when he doesn't want it and tells me to get in contact whenever i want (obvs i don't though) I wish mine wanted contact with me:( - I'd give anything to get an approach he instigated.
Calico Posted October 11, 2012 Posted October 11, 2012 I wish mine wanted contact with me:( - I'd give anything to get an approach he instigated. You only think you want that. My ex did contact me after a few days, sending me an email to tell me she missed me and all that jazz. That got my hopes up and I called her up all excited (and sent half a dozen emails), and then she went numb and distant on me when we did speak. Nothing at all similar to what the email seemed to imply. I lived through the breakup once more. I certainly could have done without that experience. That was over a month ago and we have had no contact since. Do I sometimes wish she'd reach out? Yes. Do I really want it? No. I know it would mess me up again, and besides, it should be her hoping for contact and not me. I'm certainly better off without all that crap and the lies and the betrayal. And so are you. Perspective matters. So, shift your thoughts. You're just doing the addictive clinging thing right now, and that will pass. Stay strong. 2
lemondrops11 Posted October 11, 2012 Posted October 11, 2012 I wish mine wanted contact with me:( - I'd give anything to get an approach he instigated. Unless he was getting in contact to say he wants you back idk if you'd acttuually want him to be in contact. If he messaged you saying he misses you and still loves you yet doesn't want the relantionship that would get your hopes up and but then you'd get really upset all over again. So, really, i don't think you want him to be in contact in less it's him begging you back.
JayL Posted October 11, 2012 Posted October 11, 2012 (edited) I wish mine would contact me as for a very weird, unknown, reason, I'm still hung up on her even though her and I were only together for about almost 2 months (overall) , which really felt like it's been a year. It was something that her and I both said to each other during our happy moments. I may still have little hope left in me as she always said that I'm all that she's looking for, but she could not fully emotionally get attached with me for a reason she could not fully explain herself, which caused her hot and cold, which led me to feeling neglected and get moody, that led us to arguments. Her cousin said to me after our break-up "I think my cousin has just taken awhile to realize that she's just not that into you, it's best you let each other go". On the other hand, all the thoughts in my head is on repeat for 5 weeks now. I had spoken with her cousin last week as well, which I feel took me a few steps back from fully moving on. I should not have... I'm so lost... Good Facts : 1. If she really was not that into me, why would she introduce me to her entire family within 1 month of being together? 2. If she really was not that into me, why would she have sex with me? 3. If she really was not that into me, why did she stop me from walking away, which I had done 3 times? The last time, she rushed to my place and started crying and said she knows she can fully build her emotions towards me if I just give her time. 4. We had a lot of sex during our first several weeks. Bad Facts : 1. When her and I hang out, she spends the entire day with her friends first and around 5:00 pm to 6:00 pm, she calls me and tells me I could come over anytime. 2. When I made plans with her during our first couple of weeks being together, she always agreed, but our past several weeks in the relationship, all I got was "we'll see... I'll let you know", which means she wants to see if her and her friends are doing something first and if not, she'll spend time with me. 3. She gets upset over small things, when I try to talk and bring up "communication is key to make this work" , she just always told me to "just drop it". 4. When her and I start making out and it gets hot on our last 2 weeks of being together, she always pulled back and said "let's wait until Friday for sex?" , then we did it Friday, when Monday came, we were making out again and she will pull back again and say "let's wait until Wednesday?". Edited October 11, 2012 by JayL
Author Jingle14 Posted October 11, 2012 Author Posted October 11, 2012 Unless he was getting in contact to say he wants you back idk if you'd acttuually want him to be in contact. If he messaged you saying he misses you and still loves you yet doesn't want the relantionship that would get your hopes up and but then you'd get really upset all over again. So, really, i don't think you want him to be in contact in less it's him begging you back. Well that's never going to happen! But yes of course, that's the thing I would most wish for in the world. Actually, it would make me feel slightly better to get the occasional 'hi, hope you're ok' text or email, it would at least make be think I did matter and that he sometimes thought about me. It's so hurtful to think I/we might as well never existed, and we were so important to each other at one time and had never been so close to anyone as we were to each other. We always used to say - and mean it - 'you have no idea how different I am with you'. So this vanishing into thin air and falling off the face of this Earth is very, very hard to bear. And it is a whole year and a half since I was dumped and just over 12 months since we last spent the night together (every bit as passionate as it had been right at the start - at least the attraction never went away, it's just my personality he finds abhorent !).
lemondrops11 Posted October 11, 2012 Posted October 11, 2012 Well that's never going to happen! But yes of course, that's the thing I would most wish for in the world. Actually, it would make me feel slightly better to get the occasional 'hi, hope you're ok' text or email, it would at least make be think I did matter and that he sometimes thought about me. It's so hurtful to think I/we might as well never existed, and we were so important to each other at one time and had never been so close to anyone as we were to each other. We always used to say - and mean it - 'you have no idea how different I am with you'. So this vanishing into thin air and falling off the face of this Earth is very, very hard to bear. And it is a whole year and a half since I was dumped and just over 12 months since we last spent the night together (every bit as passionate as it had been right at the start - at least the attraction never went away, it's just my personality he finds abhorent !). i see what you mean. How comes you broke up if you don't mind me asking? Did he say he still had feelings? As i said, i still love my ex and am very attracted to him ad the last time we saw each other when we broke up it was just as passionate/amazingly close etc but I decided he wasn't who i wanted to spend the rest of my life with. I think it would be mean to message him saying 'how are you' etc as that wouldn;t allow the feelings to fade. How could he meet someone else and give them everything if we were still in contact? If he was contacting you, do you think you could be dating another person? Or would you feel guilty for speaking with your ex whom you still had feelings for?
Author Jingle14 Posted October 12, 2012 Author Posted October 12, 2012 (edited) i see what you mean. How comes you broke up if you don't mind me asking? Did he say he still had feelings? As i said, i still love my ex and am very attracted to him ad the last time we saw each other when we broke up it was just as passionate/amazingly close etc but I decided he wasn't who i wanted to spend the rest of my life with. I think it would be mean to message him saying 'how are you' etc as that wouldn;t allow the feelings to fade. How could he meet someone else and give them everything if we were still in contact? If he was contacting you, do you think you could be dating another person? Or would you feel guilty for speaking with your ex whom you still had feelings for? This is my story (if the link works). http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/coping/348932-insanity-even-consider So in June he hugged me for an hour, told me I had to let him go but continued to hold me tightly, stroke my hair and rest his head - eyes closed - on my shoulder, and reminisce about private times. I'm told by my male friends they would never do that with an ex. His feelings changed, mine didn't. He didn't love me at the end - he told me so, said his feelings for me were dead. His actions didn't always back that up though. A month before the break up, although he had stopped telling me he loved me, he got into bed and, thinking I was asleep (I had gone up earlier as I wasn't feeling great ) he kissed me on the forehead and gently said he loved me. As for me, I don't want to meet anyone else, so his being in contact would have no bearing on stopping me 'moving on'. I have no intentions of being with anyone at all and that resolution gets firmer the longer time goes on. I'm not lonely, I don't have a longing to be with anyone (else) and I have my friends and my son. I'll never give my heart away again, never let anyone close. Had a very vivid dream about him though - and this supposed replacement, even though I have no idea what she looks like, or want to - and I woke 2 hours ago at 5am, still feel out of sorts and very unsettled now. Edited October 12, 2012 by Jingle14
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