TheTallGuy Posted October 11, 2012 Posted October 11, 2012 Ok, so I haven't actually been on many actual dates, my past relationships have usually come about from within my Social Circles and not much proper dating was involved, so there's probably heaps of signs I don't pick up unfortunately. So I may need some advice. I met a very nice girl through work on a friday afternoon and had a nice half hour convo with her, she appeared a little flirty so I got her number later on, and texted her later in the evening, and was happy to hear she was glad I texted her. We seemed to hit it off immediately and there was quite a few text messages exchanged and a very lengthy phone conversation. She was a little on the naughty side at times, but I didn't mind that at all. We planned to meet up on a Monday afternoon (she was very pushy all day, constantly texting me to hurry up cause she's anxious to see me), and that turned in to a walk along the beachside, then dinner (Which I paid for of course) and a bit of a drive to look for a peaceful beach to sit and chill on. But it was a bit cold so she had suggested strongly we go back to my place. As this was all unexpected my place was in no state to have visitors (Working too much to tidy it up properly) So I kept telling her she is welcome after I've made it suitable for visitors. Instead we chatted away in my car for a while. After a while of nice chatting about what she likes in men, and talking about what each of us likes when it comes to relationships, she told me she was rather surprised I hadn't made a move yet. So soon after that I did, and things got fairly heated. But I let her know a number of times there wasn't going to be any sex yet (On the phone she told me she'd make me give in that night) as I prefer to get to know a girl better first. She eventually gave up (Her attempts were incredibly hard to resist) and said she appreciated it and was just checking to see if I was after one thing, and would have left if I did give in (Not sure if the truth) It was a pretty fantastic night, and we both agreed we'd enjoy seeing each other again. She went home, we exchanged gnight texts and now this is the part I need multiple opinions on. Suddenly she's distant, and short with her replies. Since she was being a little short I thought I'd just give her space, and she then mentioned that I was not being very talkative. We exchanged a couple more texts and she went to bed after a gnight text I waited a couple days then asked her if she's free Wed/Thur next week, nope busy but 'maybe' Tuesday. And that's where I'm at now. So, now not sure if I was just meant to be a booty call, or if perhaps there's more to it. She sure played the nice girl game perfectly, and did seem genuine for a while. She is very attractive and said she's not used to someone saying no to her advances. I told her I'd keep Tuesday aside for her and hope to see her. I hope this doesn't put me in the friend zone. Not sure if I should forget pursuing this, or if I'm overthinking it. The past tells me the sudden change from Really pushy/anxious/flirty to a bit distant is a fairly bad sign. Appreciate advice/opinions in advance
Balzac Posted October 11, 2012 Posted October 11, 2012 Start with a basic question, from the get go you sound to be looking for a relationship. Your comment about no sex indicates your message to her about that. Am I reading you accurately?
Author TheTallGuy Posted October 11, 2012 Author Posted October 11, 2012 Yeah, I'm looking for a relationship. And from our coversations it very much seemed like she was looking for that also. forgot to mention there was a lot of affection (few hours) after she gave up trying to tempt me. Just trying to get multiple opinions is all. Guess I wouldn't mind getting some insight from experienced women when it comes to dating. Was I played or do some girls go quiet after a first date even if still interested. I don't want to ponder over it too long if it's an obvious dead end I'm too blind too see
SmileFace Posted October 11, 2012 Posted October 11, 2012 It is obvious that you both are looking for two different things. She has been making sexual comments from the get go. Her comment that she was only testing you is crap - she just trying to be let down easy. You may have lost your window since she seemed to be expecting sex. I am not sure if you would want that casually or not. She is quiet because she didnt get what she wanted and probably isnt interested anymore.
TaraMaiden Posted October 11, 2012 Posted October 11, 2012 She made it extremely obvious that she wanted to have sex. More than once, a more-than-subtle-hint was dropped, like a lead weight. Then when it became glaringly obvious that you weren't prepared for that, she backpedaled and turned it round to make it look like a test of your self-control and reserve - hell, she wasn't going to leave you with the impression that she was either easy - or begging for it! Hell no, this was on you, and you obviously passed with flying colours, right...? Wrong. She now knows you are not FWB/F.uc.K~buddy material. So - actually, you're a 'nice' guy - but you're a little 'too nice' for her. Move on. Keep looking and be firm and quite frank with what you're looking for, in your profile. 1
yongyong Posted October 11, 2012 Posted October 11, 2012 You are way into her and trying to figure out everything. I am sure she doesn't think about you like this at ALL. Whomever you meet, try to treat any women like a cashier at grocery store. When you start treating her special, the result will be like this.
Author TheTallGuy Posted October 12, 2012 Author Posted October 12, 2012 (edited) Well most of those responses just confirm what my brain tells me is logical. It's amazing how your emotions can mess with your head so much that you question your own logical thinking and reasoning. Being a logical thinker I can stand back and see what's going on, but can't stop myself from letting my thoughts go astray and worry. (Anxious pre-occupied Disorder I believe) It's torture knowing you're destroying something bit by bit, and almost being unable to stop it. And the line between Needy and Showing just enough affection is blurred. Can't believe I cock-blocked myself by being the nice-guy Think I should just come out with it and ask her where we stand, or sit and torture myself until she makes it obvious? Edited October 12, 2012 by TheTallGuy typos
gaius Posted October 12, 2012 Posted October 12, 2012 Get a box of condoms, tell her you were out of your mind that night and start insinuating how much you're looking forward to sleeping with her next time you get together. Then sleep with her next time you get together.
yongyong Posted October 12, 2012 Posted October 12, 2012 NO WAY. That's what girls should do. If you want to just mess it up and end it to feel better, you can do so.... Think I should just come out with it and ask her where we stand, or sit and torture myself until she makes it obvious?
Author TheTallGuy Posted October 12, 2012 Author Posted October 12, 2012 Well, that would be if there is an "It" to end heh. What I need is distractions I think. What do some of you people do to distract yourself from such things. My mind keeps coming back to it, as much as I convince myself I'm being a girl about it. lol
Author TheTallGuy Posted October 12, 2012 Author Posted October 12, 2012 (edited) Decided to agree with a tired-minded idea that I would interrupt some friendly text messages, by explaining I was distracted by her pictures (She sent some revealing ones before our date) The next text message was a request for a phone call. Oh tired brain. Well, talkative again. Guess the reaction to that comment could mean a few things. But, let's hear your theories. Agreed with a few of the above points made, thanks guys. Edited October 12, 2012 by TheTallGuy
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