Sarah89 Posted October 11, 2012 Posted October 11, 2012 My ex broke up with me a few days ago (after being with me for a year and 4 months), he told me it's because he no longer wants to be in a relationship and that he has lost some feelings. Breaking up was hard for me but it was also very hard for him too, both of us were in tears. He told me it was nothing to do with me and nothing to do with any other girl. But something doesn't sound quite right to me? Not even he understands the exact reason why he broke up with me, but I guess maybe he wanted change. I've spoken to him about it as I still see him at college and it is very difficult, but he tells me (2 days after the break up) that he sees me as a friend. Do you think his feelings will change depending on the way I react now? How can I best react to the circumstances? I'm trying to stay out of his way as much as possible but its very difficult as he's always there in lessons and at lunch break. He waves at me and smiles at me, so of couse I politely do the same back (I don't want to be rude). I would get back with him if his feelings changed, but I just need to know how I should react now with the circumstances.
dreamstate83 Posted October 11, 2012 Posted October 11, 2012 I think it's clear that you aren't emotionally void enough to step back down to being friends. Tell him that you respect his decision but that you will need to take time for yourself to think about things and properly move on before you can make any commitments. 1
Author Sarah89 Posted October 11, 2012 Author Posted October 11, 2012 I have told him that I need time to myself as it's difficult for me at the moment and he respected that.
TaraMaiden Posted October 11, 2012 Posted October 11, 2012 My ex broke up with me a few days ago ........ How can I best react to the circumstances? I'm trying to stay out of his way as much as possible but its very difficult as he's always there in lessons and at lunch break. He waves at me and smiles at me, so of couse I politely do the same back (I don't want to be rude). I would get back with him if his feelings changed, but I just need to know how I should react now with the circumstances. The reasons he broke up with you are, unfortunately, immaterial. The fact is - he did. Read the "All-New Caliguy No Contact Guide!" link in my signature. His GF dumped him when he was going through a difficult period of bereavement - and he worked in the same office as she did - so daily contact was absolutely unavoidable. But read the guide, and don't be sacred of implementing it 100%. His feelings changed - that's fair enough, and in fact, it's probably as well he told you. But he can't expect to be able to leap straight into the "Hey let's still be buddies!" zone, because hearts don't heal that way. The thing is, unfortunately it's not about being 'rude'. It's about moving on and healing. Fake it until you make it. If it means being 'rude' then so be it. It's not about how it makes him feel, it's about how you feel. And being nice and responding is hurting you, Because it's not fair. He's being nice to you - because it alleviates HIS guilt, and makes HIM feel better about his actions. He's being condescending... "I'll wave to be nice. If I'm nice, she won't hate me or be so hurt, which means I'm off the hook...." His being nice and waving, is to make him feel and look better. You have to harden up a little bit, my dear. Tough exterior and kick him to the kerb. 1
Author Sarah89 Posted October 11, 2012 Author Posted October 11, 2012 That's made me feel better about the situation. I'll do what's best for myself, as you say at the end "tough exterior and kick him to the kerb" is what I shall do. But how can I win him back?
dreamstate83 Posted October 11, 2012 Posted October 11, 2012 That's made me feel better about the situation. I'll do what's best for myself, as you say at the end "tough exterior and kick him to the kerb" is what I shall do. But how can I win him back? The trick is you can't win anyone back until you win yourself back first. Check out the link in my signature if you need help with that. 1
TaraMaiden Posted October 11, 2012 Posted October 11, 2012 That's made me feel better about the situation. I'll do what's best for myself, as you say at the end "tough exterior and kick him to the kerb" is what I shall do. But how can I win him back? Your apparent indifference may have an effect.... "It's the person who 'cares' the least, who controls the most." if you behave in an indifferent, non-clingy, non-wimpish way, he will see a confident young lady with a dignified exterior. Now, you can't change the way he feels and (I know this sounds patronising so I'm sorry - but it's true....) you're both young. This ISN'T the great love of your life with an eternal soul-mate. So there is more out there waiting for you. Don't hang all your hopes on this one, but understand that the stronger, more confident and more dignified you are - the more admirable you become. That doesn't mean being a bitch. It simply means knowing what you will - and won't - stand for, not being a doormat and living your life the way you want.
Author Sarah89 Posted October 11, 2012 Author Posted October 11, 2012 Your apparent indifference may have an effect.... "It's the person who 'cares' the least, who controls the most." if you behave in an indifferent, non-clingy, non-wimpish way, he will see a confident young lady with a dignified exterior. Now, you can't change the way he feels and (I know this sounds patronising so I'm sorry - but it's true....) you're both young. This ISN'T the great love of your life with an eternal soul-mate. So there is more out there waiting for you. Don't hang all your hopes on this one, but understand that the stronger, more confident and more dignified you are - the more admirable you become. That doesn't mean being a bitch. It simply means knowing what you will - and won't - stand for, not being a doormat and living your life the way you want. I understand, and no you're not being patronising at all. It's the truth and I totally get that. I'm going to have to show him that I've put it all behind me and that I'm growing in confidence by living my life the way I want it to be. 1
Author Sarah89 Posted October 11, 2012 Author Posted October 11, 2012 If anybody else has any views then please post. It would help me a lot and build my confidence about my situation.
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