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Posted (edited)

when i ask him things, like what you been doing? he says 'nothing much'..

and when i ask 'what does nothing much mean?' he says 'its just nothing much'

 

and then i ask him 'whats on your mind?' he says 'nothing' all the time.

 

I feel like he doesn't want to talk to me.He always correcting my grammar and is annoyed by my spelling mistake. I feel like he always trying to upset me purposely, is there a reason?

 

Like, its my birthday and he kept calling me old as a joke. And I was upset by it. He called me immature to be upset over it.

 

Also I am Chinese and he ask me is there an r in Chinese words? I said yeah some and why? he said because you seem to miss it alot and use W instead. So I don't know if hes being racist.

 

We have been together for 8 months now and I am not sure if hes faithful to me, he always says he not looking at girls,but whenever I am out with him I feel like he looks at them from head to toe. He said i'm paranoid and that he promise he never look and he said he hates liars and is not one himself and promised he never lied and that he deserve my trust. :/ ... I spot him so many times, even on my birthday.

 

He called me immature and that for us to work I have to be mature.

Edited by slovek
Posted
when i ask him things, like what you been doing? he says 'nothing much'..

and when i ask 'what does nothing much mean?' he says 'its just nothing much'

 

and then i ask him 'whats on your mind?' he says 'nothing' all the time.

 

I feel like he doesn't want to talk to me.He always correcting my grammar and is annoyed by my spelling mistake. I feel like he always trying to upset me purposely, is there a reason?

 

Like, its my birthday and he kept calling me old as a joke. And I was upset by it. He called me immature to be upset over it.

 

Also I am Chinese and he ask me is there an r in Chinese words? I said yeah some and why? he said because you seem to miss it alot and use W instead. So I don't know if hes being racist.

 

We have been together for 8 months now and I am not sure if hes faithful to me, he always says he not looking at girls,but whenever I am out with him I feel like he looks at them from head to toe. He said i'm paranoid and that he promise he never look and he said he hates liars and is not one himself and promised he never lied and that he deserve my trust. :/ ... I spot him so many times, even on my birthday.

 

He called me immature and that for us to work I have to be mature.

 

 

helpful if I knew your ages...

 

Yo guys have been together 8 months and you seem to try and talk everyday.

 

Here is the difference betwen men and women....men dont talk about work issues the way women do. So asking him how was your day he isnt really interested in talking about what he did at work unless it was funny or weird.

 

Have you tried to talk tohim about other things? Like current evens? What you will do on your next date? You interested in seeing this movie or doing this activity?

 

Part of him not talking to you is because you have just talked to him too much. He has nothing to talk about.

 

Knowing your ages can help me understand what the old comments mean. Are you older than him? Did you reach dome milestone birthday like turning 30?

  • Author
Posted (edited)

Knowing your ages can help me understand what the old comments mean. Are you older than him? Did you reach dome milestone birthday like turning 30?

 

Well he is not working and usually at home and I am working, this is in the evening. we usually talk throughout the day time. But I wanted to know what he been doing in the evening when I was at work. Also we are in a long distance relationship, and only see each other once or twice a month. Im under 30.

Edited by slovek
Posted

Well...It seems like you don't trust this guy, which is a good reason to start either questioning him, your relationship, or your reasons for not feeling trusting.

 

But - any time a guy calls you immature or any other name for that matter, especially on your birthday, that should be a red flag.

 

Talk to him. Tell him you're tired of the response "nothing" and that it bothers you that he always uses it as a go to phrase.

Posted

You could try to use "I" messages to show him how it makes you feel when he gives you the same response. "I" messages help for when you need to tell another person how you feel. An example is "When you ______ (describe specific behavior), I feel _____ (feeling), because _____ (state how this affects you).

 

Stay away from "You" messages, where you blame, accuse or criticize the other person. Like saying "You never" sentences, or "You always". This can make him become defensive twoards what you are saying or trying to get him to do.

  • Like 1
Posted (edited)
Also I am Chinese and he ask me is there an r in Chinese words? I said yeah some and why? he said because you seem to miss it alot and use W instead. So I don't know if hes being racist.

 

Someone who truly loved you would NOT say this.

Edited by gamman
  • Like 3
  • Author
Posted (edited)

I think I hate him, I really hate him. He doesnt care about me and always mad at me. Hes a hypocrite and I hate him so much :( I feel its time I leave him now, hes not a nice guy. Hes a jerk. :(

 

I told him that I was not happy and that he never hugs me back when I send it on txt. And he ask me, why is that relevent, its not real? I said its nice to get it back :( and he calls me immature. But then I ask him, then why did you ask me to hug you before in text?

 

He called me weird for caring about hugs :(

Edited by slovek
Posted

You deserve waaaaaaaaay better. This guy: self-centered, passive-aggressive, manipulative, emotionally unavailable....... I wouldn't stand for this type of behavior.

  • Author
Posted

thanks gangman and everyone for replying. :(

 

I really dont know why I am still with him :( He makes me so unhappy and always call me immature and childish. :( I dont want to change who I am. I like being the way I am, its who I am. If he dont like me, then we shouldnt be together. I think he is looking for a girl like his ex who's into open relationship and just not botthered about him. How is that mature? Whatever, I hate him. I dont know why I am with someone I hate. :(

Posted
Because you, like most women, can't get enough of men who at worst actively abuse you and at best don't care the least bit about you.

 

Sounds like she has had enough to me.

  • Author
Posted (edited)

we are still together :o

 

Hes not the best boyfriend but hes not that bad. He apologised yesterday for his anger problem. When he said I was weird to care about hugs. He didnt really said it like that. He just said its weird to care so much only. I just feel it means hes saying im weird. He doesnt like me stopping things and always mad when I say I will such as 'okay i wont hug you no more' he then tells me im childish and that it wasnt about the hug and that i say 'nevermind' instead of solving the problem. He said he wasnt calling me immature about the hugs and that I never read properly to what he says :( and that it was about saying 'nevermind' instead of solving problems, which prob was true since I said that first.

 

He isnt the most considerate guy out there but hes very straight with what he says. :( he spend alot of time talking to me like throughout the day :( and he has back and neck pain and he just stays online all day with me :( unless im working.

 

He was mad at me for suggesting he was racist and said if he were he wouldnt ever be with me for 8 months and that what I said was pathetic :( . He didnt mentioned the Chinese thing until I asked him why he asked me. I say his name with the W and he wondered why :( I dont know.

 

I know I must be stupid to be with hiim :( Im attached and the only way he really break me is if he doesnt say sorry, doesnt have a good reason and cheats and lies :(

 

@ Greznog: I dont want to be with an abusive boyfriend :(

Edited by slovek
Posted

You are not being true to yourself. Look at the all the frown smiles you have in your last post. Your actions are contradicting your words which is causing you a constant battle & all these emotions inside your head.

Which one you prefer being single or a bad relationship? The wise question is not why he is like this but why you are you still involved?

 

Basically, he (constantly) critcizes you, but then he rounds that off with some comments like "I was weird to care about hugs or he wouldnt ever be with me for 8 months and that what I said was pathetic ". The downside of this is that you could end up thinking up you are seriously flawed, and lucky to have found the one man who accepts those flaws.

 

Another reason could be you don’t want to take your chances. So even though there’s no passion left, no excitement, no love, and perhaps a little abuse. But, at this point, you’ve put in so much time, you don’t want to risk not finding someone new. Only you know the answer.

 

What your close friends/family think about this situation?

  • Author
Posted

thank you ffw, i appreciate your help :) and for trying to help and understand my problem.

 

Things are getting better today. I have thought about all those questions you ask me to ask myself and I do wonder if I would be able to find someone else like him. We both are not social pots and he is like me, and hes not as bad as I make him sound. He doesn't critizes me unless i ask him to tell me what he doesn't like about me. So he feels like the bad guy all the time. :/ well so far I think we have talked about our problems and he is being more understanding and we are more calmer and I think we may have a chance to work things out. I hope hes the one for me but have to see what happens. But thanks for the help everyone :) if anything changes I will update.

Posted

You are so naive its not even funny. He doesn't love you. He is with you for easy sex until a better one comes along. How old are you?

Posted

Super red flags. He sounds like a real jerk, or maybe spineless since he can't talk to you like a real person about what's bothering him. His passive aggression is what is immature, not you. I would say it might be a good idea to consider breaking it off. Mostly because it sounds like it might be heading down a bad road. Not trying to be inconsiderate :(

Posted

This does not sound like a healthy relationship at all. He is outright emotionally abusing you and is not something a loving, caring boyfriend would do. You deserve a lot better than this.

There is no reason for him to be saying all these mean and nasty things. He is trying to lower your self esteem so he can control you or possibly he enjoys it.

 

He is also passing the buck to you, you had a legitimate concern and he made you look like you bought it on yourself which is never right, this man is an abuser. You are better off without him imo.

 

Yes sometimes it's scary to be alone after you are used to someone even if they are no good for you. You need to realise that you are worth more than that and not someones doormat for abuse.

Posted

Your boyfriend seems like a major douche with no backbone. His responses of "nothing much", etc. to questions like "what are you doing" are one thing and already pretty unhealthy, but his barbs attacking your spelling, etc are just asinine and IMO a sign of insecurity on his part.

 

In a healthy relationship, both the man and woman usually communicate openly with each other. This is true even taking into account that men (on average) are a bit less talky-talky than women (on average). Guys tend to open themselves up to the right people.

 

You can do better than your current BF. Much better.

  • 4 weeks later...
  • Author
Posted

Thank you everyone for your support and encouragement :(

 

We are over now :(

 

He admitted he doesn't love me and doesn't want to be with me, and that life is sh*t <- the way he describes it, being with me. :(

 

He said he doesn't love me, not even 1% :(

 

I don't think I want another boyfriend :( not for a very long time. I admire his honesty, and I really want an honest boyfriend, who will never lie to me and love me and treat me right :( . He was sweet for the first 3 month and things changed because of my trust issues, but its over now :(

 

thanks everyone :(

Posted

I've never seen more sad faces... :(

 

It sounds like a rough, cruel ending, and he should be ashamed of himself. There is heartbreak in his future, too.

 

It will be ok, slovek. He only represents himself. Not all of men. So if he can't love you, it doesn't mean no one can. You just want to connect with someone, and someday you will.

 

He may not be ready for a good relationship. He seems to be as immature as he accused you of being, considering how he treated you.

 

And maybe you can learn from this. You'll be able to recognize signals like his sooner. And you can try new ways to respond.

 

The pain will go away, and you'll be ready for a better guy someday, maybe soon. Be nice to yourself. Your heart is in the right place, and you can be loved by a guy who is able to show love.

  • Like 1
Posted (edited)

*edited. never mind.

Edited by Anela
  • Author
Posted
I've never seen more sad faces... :(

 

It sounds like a rough, cruel ending, and he should be ashamed of himself. There is heartbreak in his future, too.

 

It will be ok, slovek. He only represents himself. Not all of men. So if he can't love you, it doesn't mean no one can. You just want to connect with someone, and someday you will.

 

He may not be ready for a good relationship. He seems to be as immature as he accused you of being, considering how he treated you.

 

And maybe you can learn from this. You'll be able to recognize signals like his sooner. And you can try new ways to respond.

 

The pain will go away, and you'll be ready for a better guy someday, maybe soon. Be nice to yourself. Your heart is in the right place, and you can be loved by a guy who is able to show love.

 

Thank you for your kind support :(:lmao:

 

Love is complicated :(

Posted

Edit: Oops, didn't read the 2nd page. Sorry to hear that, OP, but I really think this is a bullet dodged for you.

  • Author
Posted (edited)

To be fair, I'm not actually a good girlfriend myself :( .. if he fell out of love for me, its for all the right reasons. :( I called him a d*ck head before for something but he probably called me a mean name before i don't remember but it wasn't nice when I first said that, and I felt our relationship and feelings changing. He made me some things by hand and it was sweet. Hes very honest with his feelings about things even if it means hurting my feelings :(

 

I loved the guy I used to know for the 3 months that we were happy together :( it was the best time. I wish I wasn't so un-trusting and un respectful. I should trust him more but anyways its over now. :(

 

Hes a guy who naturally and normally swears alot, but he avoids it all the time when talking to me, unless hes angry :(

I just dont think there will ever be another guy out there who will do what he did for me, like make me things which is super sweet and its very sweet what he made :( .

 

I trust that if he loves the girl hes with, he will treat her right. Im just not that girl :(

Edited by slovek
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