The_Face Posted October 10, 2012 Posted October 10, 2012 (edited) It's taken me a while to realize this about myself, but that's exactly what I do. I create problems in my head and they become real, to the point where I'm not even remembering the facts correctly anymore and always thinking the worst. For anyone who's read my previous posts knows I have some things going on with my pregnant ex-girlfriend. Obviously I can't shut up about it. For the past few months, I've always looked back on the week leading up the conception of our baby, and been sure I remembered everything exactly as it happened. I swore to myself and her that she was gone the entire week, as I remembered it. And since she couldn't seem to remember, herself, what exact day she was with this other guy after we broke up, I swore to her I knew it had to have been that week before conception. Rather than just look at the whole thing for what it was, simply a girl that loved me but had moved on to somebody else, I had to go extreme with it. "She screwed me over and lied to me and betrayed me. And she must have never loved me." That's the sort of thing that was playing in my head, because I was still so hurt, letting my emotions control me. I've already let this fear of the baby being the other man's come up a few times with her, usually resulting in her crying and telling me how I can never trust her again and all this other stuff. Even though I've never approached it in an angry or malicious way, it has upset her. While I feel somewhat justified in my nagging fear to begin with, I know that it's gotten bigger and lasted longer than it ever should have because of my stupid brain. Turns out, I haven't remembered everything as well as I initially thought. The "week" where she was gone from the apartment was more like 4 days, the other three falling consecutively before the day we had unprotected sex, which was five or six days prior to us conceiving, according to the doc. So my worry of her having been with this guy closer to those days never needed to exist. I found multiple receipts from stuff my ex and I did during the days I remembered her already being gone. I couldn't believe it. All the other girls I've dated, with one exception, has screwed me over in some way or another. One of them even made moves on my close friend. So after my split with the recent ex, I think I just naturally reverted back to the feelings I had for the other girls. Really what my ex didn't wasn't wrong. She was just a girl that loved me that happened to move on to someone else. In my head, I made it worse. She didn't move on, she screwed me over. And that's when I stopped trying to believe everything was ok and the baby was mine. I've discovered this about myself during this time. I have learned how to handle heartbreak in the worst way, and now I have to unlearn it. I want to patch things up with the ex, in the best shape they can be, anyways. And I want to go through with all of this with a new outlook. I don't want to worry. All things about the conception and the dates we had sex added up from the start, but I whipped myself into a frenzy, because I was still hurt about the breakup. It's going to be almost impossible to convince anyone else I've ran my mouth to not to worry now about the baby being mine, but I'm going to lay it all out. And ask for that trust that I've been so horrible at giving to my ex. We were together all seven days leading up to the week we conceived. I ****ed up, in short. But I still think I was right to want to figure this out, I needed to remember so I wouldn't have to worry anymore. I just wish it hadn't played out in the way it has. I'm not wrong for the question popping into my head. But I let that initial question turn itself into a full-blown paranoia. I need to stop worrying, is my big point. I tend to make things worse than they are to start. Feels good to realize that, but now I just need to try and clean up the mess. Edited October 10, 2012 by The_Face
Balzac Posted October 10, 2012 Posted October 10, 2012 Responding to just the date of conception. The one factor you cannot document is ovulation, day sperm encountered egg. Sperm can often live 5+ days. I think, just checking to hear you day it, fetal age as determined by physician pits conception to exclude other sperm donor? Are you now tossing out idea paternity test?
Balzac Posted October 10, 2012 Posted October 10, 2012 Funniest comment to date:: "Obviously I can't shut up about it." Dude, it's OK. This forum has plenty of ears.
FitChick Posted October 10, 2012 Posted October 10, 2012 There is no reason why, after the baby is born, you couldn't swab out its mouth and send it off to a DNA lab. It will put your mind at ease one way or the other.
Balzac Posted October 10, 2012 Posted October 10, 2012 Definitive knowledge is an absolute in my view.
Author The_Face Posted October 11, 2012 Author Posted October 11, 2012 I was mostly just trying to vent about how I've blown this thing up and made myself worry when I shouldn't be this worried, based on all the facts (the days/ weeks we were together that month, conception date, due date, our lack of condom use multiple times, etc.etc.) Given the fact that we were broken up, and there were a few days in the month of May where we weren't together, paired with the knowledge that she had a rebound within the first week we split, I think I am more than justified in having an initial concern. Wanting to trace back our steps and make sure in our minds that there is nothing to worry about was not a bad move. But jumping to all these conclusions, alot of which were based on my blurry memory at the time, was not the right way to handle this. Maybe had I been able to remember everything from the start, I would have been fine. But I reacted out of fear, and hurt. A human life is a huge thing, and I think it hit me really hard. And I was still dealing with the end of our relationship, things just got all mixed up because of it. I never meant to cause any pain or make everyone worry, I just needed to make sure I should be worried, myself. Unless this other guy has super sperm that can survive for at least two weeks, it's my baby. Sucks it took so much drama and worry and sleepless nights and internet venting to sort everything out for good. I understand most people won't agree with me on this, even with the facts I now have. Not much I can say to that. My word doesn't mean much at the moment, seeing as my recent history is of going back and forth with things, so I understand how some may feel. What it really comes down to is, I have the facts I need. The newly gained facts combined with what I already knew about our situation. The kid is mine. Too bad I ran my mouth about any of it, to begin with. Think I should stop foruming, and sharing my problems with co-workers from now on.
Balzac Posted October 11, 2012 Posted October 11, 2012 Not sure I agree w the coworkers statement! I get what you've said. Look, this entire situation was and still is emotionally highly charged. Whether it be the broken engagement, the quick rebound, parental involvement add pregnancy. You must have felt confident enough in the relationship to have sex in the manner to create a life. I think you were shocked to be informed she felt differently. You seem to have regained your emotional footing. I'd say you're now onto establishing a coparenting relationship with her. It's a new beginning. 1
TiredFamilyGuy Posted October 11, 2012 Posted October 11, 2012 First off, you had a panic attack. Man, that must have been awful, but you are out the other side and can see it for what it was. Stress of intending fatherhood on top of breakup, must have been awful to deal with. Well done. Second, you are going to be paying Child Support right? Well, have a DNA test done and do it now. Length of pregnancy is an average not a fixed number of weeks, so on the basis of received information, reasonable doubt will remain until you eliminate it. So do that.
pink_sugar Posted October 12, 2012 Posted October 12, 2012 I saw your other thread regarding the paternity test. Whatever happened with that?
Author The_Face Posted October 13, 2012 Author Posted October 13, 2012 To answer anyone's question... The test will be done. At this point, all I can say is that I am pretty confident its mine. Confident, but not positive. There are alot of signs pointing to it being mine, sure. But there is a little fogginess around some of the days prior. It's too big of a thing to just fall back on blind hope. I'm done going back and forth with this, trying to see it her way all the time. Fact is, she slept with two guys VERY close together. I'm done feeling guilty about her feelings about it. It's not like I'm having a ****ing parade right now, either. She may be pregnant, but we are BOTH having a baby.
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