Kanejd Posted July 28, 2004 Posted July 28, 2004 I'm just trying to do it the right way. I've been with my girlfriend on and off for about two years. Last year we broke up just to get back together again four months later and again we separated two weeks ago to give each other time and space because she told me that she was having a hard time becoming romatically attracted to me again and that she needed to miss me to realize her love again. So over the last few days I had an epiphany...I realized that I was trying to get her back to make me and my ego happy, but I realized that I am the only one that can make myself happy. I realize that she is all wrong for me. She minipulates, lies, cheats and enjoys seeing me wait on her hand and foot. We don't have similar interests, similar personalities, similar goals, similar educational levels, and we I am seven years older than she is (33/25). I overlooked all this in my pursuit to get her back. We were together for four months and it still didn't work; partly becuase I was needy and partly because she doesn't know what she wants. I've given it my all but now it's time for me. I want to tell her that "it was great but it's time for us to move on with our lives," but I don't know when to do it. I know she is seeing other people now (her sister told me lol) and we don't talk except if we need help from each other. We are supposed to go to a concert next week. She and I already have taken the day off of work and it is my birthday present to her. She's going to know something is up when I act almost indifferent to her, but I don't want to ruin the probable last time we get to spend together. I'm not sure if I should tell her after the concert, later in the month, or just don't do anything and wait till she calls me back months later. However, I want to leave her on a possitive note and with an understanding that she is not the end all be all. I was told that no man had ever broken up with her. The big thing is I want to tell her before she call me up and tells me that she has found someone else; I don't want to let her think I was sitting around waiting all this time. Does anyone have any advise?
Firegirl04 Posted July 28, 2004 Posted July 28, 2004 WOW... She's dating other people... not to be mean or rude, but sounds like she's trying to move on too. Tell her immediately. Tell her how you honestly feel. I would let her know before the concert.
Author Kanejd Posted July 28, 2004 Author Posted July 28, 2004 Firegirl04: I guess I accepted that because she said, "I think I need to date a couple idiots to realy find out that you're the best thing that ever happened to me," and "I need to feel like I'm loosing you to know you're the one." If you ask me it's a load of b.s. Her sister said that my ex is a free spirit right now and she doesn't know what she wants and that by me being so needy she feels guilty even going on a date and that she needs to see other people to really know she wants to be with you. At first I accepted this, but now I realize I'm better than that; I won't accept this. I just wanted to go to the concert to show her I'm not that needy guy, that I'm strong, confident and okay without her. Sort of a shot to her ego. Am I nuts?
Firegirl04 Posted July 28, 2004 Posted July 28, 2004 OK.. your nuts. joking. Show her your aren't needy... go to the concert with someone else. You deserve better than that. You're right she's feeding you a line of b.s. "I think I need to date a couple idiots to realy find out that you're the best thing that ever happened to me," and "I need to feel like I'm loosing you to know you're the one." -- PLEASE. If she truly cared, she would know that you are the best thing that ever happened and you're the one.
doubledown Posted July 28, 2004 Posted July 28, 2004 Dude, Don't tell her $hit! She wants you to break up with her, that way she won't feel guilty for cheating on you. Just walk away, block her phone #, email, IM. Just disappear from her life. When a woman tells you that she doesn't know what she wants, make it easy for her and leave. She'll grow up in a few years, and she's right, she needs to date a few a**h***s b4 she appreciates you. I was in almost the exact same situation as you. I thought girls were all grown up by age 25, now I realize that it's more like 30 or 35. She'll come around, but do you want be there waiting for her? Maybe, maybe not depends on who you meet between now and then. But don't make it easy for her. Make her find you and come back to you. AND FOR PETE'S SAKE DO NOT GO TO THE CONCERT! Give her both tix and tell her something suddenly came up. Then hit the road and vanish.
Author Kanejd Posted July 28, 2004 Author Posted July 28, 2004 Firegirl04 and doubledown: You know what's crazy, my mom just called and said the same thing. She told me she would even pay me for the tickets just to rip them up. I guess I was just trying to be the better person, but I know I am already the better person. I moved four hours away (from Queens, NY to DC) to see if this relationship would work, but what I found was myself...that's a lot better than finding a confused woman who jerks my heart around right. Anyway, I'm going to call her and tell her something came up and that she should go to work that day and that's it...done. I don't have time for her immatuity. What's even more crazy is her sister knows what's really going on and she keeps telling me that it may work if I give it some time and I live my own life. LOL She wants it to work too but she's fooling herself because my ex is years from being ready and I'm not giving her anymore of my precious time. Now I gotta figure out how to get back to Queens because I hate it here. lol Thanks for the advice.
doubledown Posted July 28, 2004 Posted July 28, 2004 Originally posted by Kanejd Firegirl04 and doubledown: Anyway, I'm going to call her and tell her something came up and that she should go to work that day and that's it...done. I don't have time for her immatuity. and I'm not giving her anymore of my precious time. Now I gotta figure out how to get back to Queens because I hate it here. lol Thanks for the advice. You made the right choice. Now go forth and sew your wild oats, and let us never speak of this again Just wanted to add: If you just disappear it'll probably burn her ass, so expect to withstand the firestorm that is sure to come someday, "how dare you, well I never!" It should fun to watch. Let us know what happens.
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