ALoveStudent Posted October 10, 2012 Posted October 10, 2012 Hello All, I've been dating my girlfriend for about 1.5 years now. Two weeks ago, I told my girlfriend that I needed some space because I was confused about how I felt about the relationship. She responded to my request very defensively and told me that she'd give me my space, but she wanted a break. A week later, we met up to talk about things. We discussed a lot of things that we both kept inside regarding our feelings about the relationship. She mentioned that she had felt really comfortable about the relationship, but since I said I needed space she felt that she couldn't trust me as she did before. Anyway, after our talk we went to an arcade and just had some fun. I tried kissing her before we parted that day, and she kissed me back, but she seemed somewhat tense. This is how we left off our first meet since the break. A few days later, my girlfriend came over to my house. We had a good time together and ended up having some spontaneous sex at the end of the night. After we had sex, she told me that she felt like she couldn't look at me during intercourse, and that she really didn't want to have sex that night. She continued to say that she was still feeling uncomfortable about things since the break. Despite this, she slept over my house that night, and I would say she was slightly more affectionate than usual.. The next morning she said that she felt much more comfortable with me as time went on. I have not seen my girlfriend since that night. However, we have been more in contact with eachother over the phone and via text than we have been for the majority of our relationship. Our conversations are fun, and when I talk to her it feels like I am talking to my best friend. Anyway, yesterday I told her that I wanted to send her a dirty picture, but I thought that maybe it was too soon since the break. She responded and said that she herself thought it was too soon too. To the point, I am happy that my girlfriend and I are on good terms again, and that we seem to be connecting on deeper levels than we ever have in the past. However, I'm afraid that her lack of comfort or interest in the sexual aspect of things will leave me into the friend zone. It's only been 2 weeks since the break, and although I don't feel like the wound is completely healed, I don't have an ounce less of sexual attraction towards her. Is her reaction normal? I want to be best friends with her too, but its hard for me to open up to her if the sexual part of our relationship is absent because I can't help but look at this absence as a bad thing.. Any advice would help a lot. Thank you
utterer of lies Posted October 10, 2012 Posted October 10, 2012 You broke your relationship. If he had any sense, she'd leave you now and never look back. 4
TaraMaiden Posted October 10, 2012 Posted October 10, 2012 Do you want to be with her, as a BF/GF - or not? if you do - tell her and cement the relationship. If you don't, break up and leave her alone. You can't be a cake-eater, bud....
kaylan Posted October 10, 2012 Posted October 10, 2012 You screwed up OP. Things wont be the same after what you did. If someone tells me they need space, Im apt to just break up with them, as I dont believe in space or breaks. Those things usually mean the other person isnt much into me or has their eye elsewhere. Why should your girlfriend be sexually involved when you broke her confidence in you? PS - how old are you? You mentioned an arcade, so Im assuming youre really young. 2
Mycteria Posted October 10, 2012 Posted October 10, 2012 Most women need to feel secure in order to be sexual in a relationship. She doesn't trust you anymore, so she doesn't feel secure enough to have sex. Although you both are responsible for the state of the relationship prior to the break, YOU are the one who initiated the break when she thought the relationship was going well. This leads me to believe that you weren't communicating effectively with her about your feelings towards the relationship. And now you've broken her trust. Own that, and try to fix it if you think it is worth fixing. But don't expect her to be overly sexual towards you in the meantime. 2
Author ALoveStudent Posted October 10, 2012 Author Posted October 10, 2012 I understand that =\..And I am truly apologetic to her, and we are now back together trying to work things out. We've been communicating a lot lately, and I think that although I made a mistake, it was necessary for this to happen as it was the catalyst we both, or maybe just I needed to realize how important communication is. I am 22yrs old, and so is she. Neither of us have jobs yet, and are actively trying to establish ourselves as we have both just finished college.
Author ALoveStudent Posted October 10, 2012 Author Posted October 10, 2012 Most women need to feel secure in order to be sexual in a relationship. She doesn't trust you anymore, so she doesn't feel secure enough to have sex. Although you both are responsible for the state of the relationship prior to the break, YOU are the one who initiated the break when she thought the relationship was going well. This leads me to believe that you weren't communicating effectively with her about your feelings towards the relationship. And now you've broken her trust. Own that, and try to fix it if you think it is worth fixing. But don't expect her to be overly sexual towards you in the meantime. That makes sense. And I can understand that. I'm willing to do everything I can to make things right with her. I don't mind not having sex, I've just always been scared of what it could mean about the relationship. But there definitely is a healing process to go through so I suppose I can only hope for the best and take things 1 step at a time...
utterer of lies Posted October 10, 2012 Posted October 10, 2012 I find it interesting that you titled this thread Girlfriend is sexually uninvolved. Relationship doomed? Why did you ask for space (aka break up with her) in the first place? 2
Balzac Posted October 10, 2012 Posted October 10, 2012 You're young and idealistic. That's not a problem, you'll learn from experience. Add entry level career jobs to this relationship and life becomes yet more complicated. I'm sure she's a great girl but my read on this is that you're trying to hold onto the college romance dynamic.
kaylan Posted October 10, 2012 Posted October 10, 2012 I find it interesting that you titled this thread Why did you ask for space (aka break up with her) in the first place? Yeah answer what utterer asked, and dont lie to us. Its rare for people (especially guys) to initiate breaks when there isnt someone else who has their eye.
Author ALoveStudent Posted October 10, 2012 Author Posted October 10, 2012 I find it interesting that you titled this thread Why did you ask for space (aka break up with her) in the first place? I felt that things were getting too comfortable between us and that things were being taken for granted. The relationship took a more serious tone I suppose, and I looked at this transition as a bad thing. With that said, I guess I kinda freaked out and felt that the relationship itself was bad. Before my girlfriend I had a 3 year relationship that was very serious and I remember that I started to take things for granted. So my girlfriends behavior started to remind me of the way I had acted when I was taking my ex girlfriend for granted. This made me feel uncomfortable about the relationship and is ultimately what led to me asking for space.
Balzac Posted October 10, 2012 Posted October 10, 2012 Sounds to me that communicating with her about your observations, feelings, fears was option #1, which you rejected. Instead you considated all of that into "break time". Once you invoked the break, she was then free to choose. Unless and until you're ready to commit, taking this to the next level, why worry? You're young, no career established, plenty of women to meet and abundant personal growth leading to maturity.
xdahliax Posted October 10, 2012 Posted October 10, 2012 I felt that things were getting too comfortable between us and that things were being taken for granted. The relationship took a more serious tone I suppose, and I looked at this transition as a bad thing. With that said, I guess I kinda freaked out and felt that the relationship itself was bad. Before my girlfriend I had a 3 year relationship that was very serious and I remember that I started to take things for granted. So my girlfriends behavior started to remind me of the way I had acted when I was taking my ex girlfriend for granted. This made me feel uncomfortable about the relationship and is ultimately what led to me asking for space. From experience and observation, I find that guys who take start taking breaks really get the hang of it and keep on doing so. I think it's very hard to re-establish that trust, a lot of girls would just half-expect you to do it again. 1
utterer of lies Posted October 10, 2012 Posted October 10, 2012 I felt that things were getting too comfortable between us and that things were being taken for granted. You took her for granted and were too comfortable. But luckily, you managed to solve the problem! The relationship took a more serious tone I suppose, and I looked at this transition as a bad thing. I'm pretty sure that if she comes back to you in full, you will feel the same thing again 2 weeks later. With that said, I guess I kinda freaked out and felt that the relationship itself was bad. It was. One person (your gf) was way more committed to it than the other (you). Before my girlfriend I had a 3 year relationship that was very serious and I remember that I started to take things for granted. So my girlfriends behavior started to remind me of the way I had acted when I was taking my ex girlfriend for granted. This made me feel uncomfortable about the relationship and is ultimately what led to me asking for space. Hmm..or maybe you tried to shift the power balance in the relationship and you failed. Anyway, it's broken now, you should accept it. Don't be a sore loser.
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