razz90 Posted October 10, 2012 Posted October 10, 2012 So, I'm a single female, and quite frankly I'm happy being single. I'm at a time in my life where I'm working on myself, and achieving my goals, i have a great group of friends and I'm generally very happy with my life. But the one thing I crave is intimacy. Kissing, holding hands, having someone's arms round you while you sleep, that kind of thing. Now every now and again I meet a guy and we hook up (making out, etc not sex) and it's nice. But I feel like what i want is very unique. Occasionally I'll hang out with a guy for a bit, maybe at his house and then sex is on the cards. I don't want to sleep with most of these guys. Besides, I'd rather enjoy the intimacy without the risks (even though they may be minor) of having sex with lot's of different guys. Yet at the same time, there's not really such a thing as 'casual intimacy' is there...? Basically, im asking if there are there others who feel like this? Like they want the intimacy/touchyfeely parts of a relationship without the actual relationship and without the sex? Do I just need to make a choice - no intimacy at all, or lots of casual sex? TIA
SmileFace Posted October 10, 2012 Posted October 10, 2012 No just got a consistent FBuddy. No reason to jump from guy to guy.
LittlePrince Posted October 10, 2012 Posted October 10, 2012 So you want lots and lots of casual intimacy with multiple partners? 1
xdahliax Posted October 10, 2012 Posted October 10, 2012 I don't really understand. Casual sex is casual sex because there isn't really any intimacy. Intimacy with multiple partners wouldn't be intimate, to me anyway... 1
LittlePrince Posted October 10, 2012 Posted October 10, 2012 She wants intimate acts not true intimacy.
xdahliax Posted October 10, 2012 Posted October 10, 2012 She wants intimate acts not true intimacy. In that case, no, I never feel like that. It doesn't sound fun at all.
Author razz90 Posted October 10, 2012 Author Posted October 10, 2012 I don't mean I want multiple partners, though I wouldn't be opposed If I had a connection with them. If I like the guy, personality and looks-wise I can enjoy 'intmacy' with him. It's proven difficult to find someone I want to have as a f buddy though I went on a date with someone who might be good. I haven't decided if I want to sleep with him, but I definitely like the idea of just making out, watching a movie in bed, cuddling. But I have a feeling that wouldn't really be what he wants, because it's probably weird that I.d want to do that but not have sex with him. he'd probably take it personally.
LittlePrince Posted October 10, 2012 Posted October 10, 2012 I don't mean I want multiple partners, though I wouldn't be opposed If I had a connection with them. If I like the guy, personality and looks-wise I can enjoy 'intmacy' with him. It's proven difficult to find someone I want to have as a f buddy though I went on a date with someone who might be good. I haven't decided if I want to sleep with him, but I definitely like the idea of just making out, watching a movie in bed, cuddling. But I have a feeling that wouldn't really be what he wants, because it's probably weird that I.d want to do that but not have sex with him. he'd probably take it personally. Get a big teddy bear. 2
SmileFace Posted October 10, 2012 Posted October 10, 2012 So no sex? Just making out? What exactly will be the point of that?
LittlePrince Posted October 10, 2012 Posted October 10, 2012 So no sex? Just making out? What exactly will be the point of that? Reliving Junior High.
somedude81 Posted October 10, 2012 Posted October 10, 2012 Sounds like being a total tease to me. Maybe you'll find some desperate guys who'd be OK with it.
LittlePrince Posted October 10, 2012 Posted October 10, 2012 Sounds like being a total tease to me. Maybe you'll find some desperate guys who'd be OK with it. There are asexuals interested in romance. Maybe they'd be her cuddle buddy. 1
Author razz90 Posted October 10, 2012 Author Posted October 10, 2012 Yeah you're probably right. I think I'm just being a bit scared about sex, and just need to get over it. Btw livingprince, how would u define 'true intimacy'
Author razz90 Posted October 10, 2012 Author Posted October 10, 2012 Also, c.mon guys, is there really a need for this condescending, behaviour? It's just how I feel right now and I was merely asking if others felt like this, etc. I get it, the answer is no and I'm weird..doesn't make me a tease or a child
ALoveStudent Posted October 10, 2012 Posted October 10, 2012 My girlfriend seemed to loose interest in sex after we went on a break. Like she's not as interested in it. In the meantime, she was very open to affection and holding hands all that kind of stuff, the last few times we met up...
xdahliax Posted October 10, 2012 Posted October 10, 2012 Also, c.mon guys, is there really a need for this condescending, behaviour? It's just how I feel right now and I was merely asking if others felt like this, etc. I get it, the answer is no and I'm weird..doesn't make me a tease or a child You're not weird, especially if I compare you to a lot of other participants I've seen on this forum...and I've only been here a few days. I just don't think most people would want to cuddle in bed with someone without being in a relationship or getting sex out of it. Intimacy is more than just doing those things, it's when you're really close to the person...
Ami1uwant Posted October 10, 2012 Posted October 10, 2012 What you want ---the intimate things without sex just will only go so far....no guy will want such a relationship. Also...what you said reminded me alot of my ex-wife who was rather selfish and wanted these things from me but wouldnt return it back. You want someone to cuddle with you but you arent cuddling back....you want someone with their arm around you but you arent touching back.
veggirl Posted October 10, 2012 Posted October 10, 2012 You want a cuddle buddy. I can see the appeal in that if you aren't horny or a super sexual girl. I don't think you'll find a guy who is willing to be just your cuddle buddy though. Why not one FWB that you cuddle and also have sex with? At least you won't have multiple partners, just the one....and that'd be a lot easier to find than a cuddle buddy... don't you worry you'll get attached through all this intimacy with someone that you aren't bf/gf with?
bob the brave Posted October 10, 2012 Posted October 10, 2012 Funny, just yesterday I saw a news report a girl who was like an escort except all she did was hug and spoon. She is sort of an intamcy hooker - charging for hugging and holding without sex. Exactly like what you're talking about. And, according to the story, business is booming! So, you're not as alone as you think. Your problem is it is impossible to know if a potential partner is willing to go half way. I myself like the closeness of the kind of intamcy your describing without necessarily getting my rocks off. But, most guys I talk to would think I'm crazy. Most want sex. So, if you don't do anything, you don't get anything but if you do, you risk being a tease. Maybe you can just find some compasionate guy with low testosterone.
stillafool Posted October 10, 2012 Posted October 10, 2012 I don't mean I want multiple partners, though I wouldn't be opposed If I had a connection with them. If I like the guy, personality and looks-wise I can enjoy 'intmacy' with him. It's proven difficult to find someone I want to have as a f buddy though I went on a date with someone who might be good. I haven't decided if I want to sleep with him, but I definitely like the idea of just making out, watching a movie in bed, cuddling. But I have a feeling that wouldn't really be what he wants, because it's probably weird that I.d want to do that but not have sex with him. he'd probably take it personally. I guess you could look for a man that is impotent and can't have intercourse. Other than that good luck because most men want the sex!
todreaminblue Posted October 10, 2012 Posted October 10, 2012 So, I'm a single female, and quite frankly I'm happy being single. I'm at a time in my life where I'm working on myself, and achieving my goals, i have a great group of friends and I'm generally very happy with my life. But the one thing I crave is intimacy. Kissing, holding hands, having someone's arms round you while you sleep, that kind of thing. Now every now and again I meet a guy and we hook up (making out, etc not sex) and it's nice. But I feel like what i want is very unique. Occasionally I'll hang out with a guy for a bit, maybe at his house and then sex is on the cards. I don't want to sleep with most of these guys. Besides, I'd rather enjoy the intimacy without the risks (even though they may be minor) of having sex with lot's of different guys. Yet at the same time, there's not really such a thing as 'casual intimacy' is there...? Basically, im asking if there are there others who feel like this? Like they want the intimacy/touchyfeely parts of a relationship without the actual relationship and without the sex? Do I just need to make a choice - no intimacy at all, or lots of casual sex? TIA No there isn't a such thing as casual intimacy.....you sound like you are in the grey area...... I have had casual sex it is mechanical in nature.When i have had casual sex....it has not been enjoyable ....at all....its not what i want I dont have touchy feely stuff unless i am in a relationship intimacy to me is commitment to one guy i would not want to be intimate hold hands hug kiss touch anyone i wasn't committed to and if i do want to touch feel kiss hold hands i would hope that guy wanted a relationship with me...because i couldn't do it otherwise i would have to know that he did want a relationship....I don't like male friends who i have no interest in a relationship being intimate with me in a touching way....too me intimacy is part of a relationship.........and the only time i have blurred these lines is when i used to drink....i dont anymore....my lines and boundaries are defined and not compromisable.......relationship equals intimacy.... do i miss intimacy....of course......but i wont start a relationship just to have back intimacy.....has to be with someone that is compatible with me who feels the same for me.....that i can see as long term.......until that happens i am single and not intimate....i will not make a mistake that hurts someone else or myself....deb
Author razz90 Posted October 11, 2012 Author Posted October 11, 2012 thanks for the replies It seems it makes more sense to get a f buddy...It's not that I have a low sex drive, but just I didn;t want to be sleeping with tons of guys. I actually have a potential f buddy in the works... As for getting attached, yes I know there is a possibiity of getting too attached, but in the end I'm willing to risk it, because I know that right now I dont want a relationship
Dreamless Sleep Posted October 11, 2012 Posted October 11, 2012 I can understand the desire for intimacy with a partner vs just a sexual encounter. I'd gladly take an intimate relationship than multiple partners. It would have to include a sexual component. Most guys a wired that way. It's difficult to remain intimate if there is no sexual chemistry. Is casual intimacy an oxymoron ?
chinapaige Posted October 11, 2012 Posted October 11, 2012 I wouldn't totally lose hope! I can understand, especially if you are younger or like you said, just wanting to avoid the possibility of sexually transmitted diseases, why you are looking for intimacy without sex right now (and yes these things can exist without each other). I was just listening to a podcast the other day where a man was in search of a romantic relationship, but wanted no sexual aspects involved, so there are people out there, you just may have a harder time finding them. I think too, that once you get to know and trust someone, you may naturally develop the interest in going beyond just making out and cuddling with them all the time and moving toward being sexual. But sometimes people just never want that, there are most definitely asexual people out there who are looking for the same thing you are. Sometimes I feel this way with my bf of a year, where I want intimacy and touching but am just not interested in sex much of the time. It may be just a phase you are going through.
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